AIBU? Husband was talking to other women.

[Whimsicalwhale]

Hi ladies, forgive me if this is a long and muddled one, I’ve been having a hard time and my head is so messed up with everything going on at the moment.

When I was 7 months pregnant I found out that my husband had been using online dating sites and talking to quite a few other women. We’ve been together for 11 years and I found out that this had been happening on and off for two years.
I found his dating profile and his snapchat that he had been using and I saw some of the messages (he had deleted some before this).
Now let me just state that he never met up with any of these women and it was solely online.
I saw him exchanging selfies and old photos with some girls, he would exchange flirty messages occasionally, calling them beautiful, complimenting their eyes even going as far as to say one of them would have been his fantasy when he was in his late teens etc, nothing overtly sexual that I saw although I confronted him and he’s been telling me more little bits like apparently some selfies that women sent him were suggestive but never nudes, one of these girls he even did a mutual follow with on Instagram, opening her up to the pictures of our children etc which made me a bit uncomfortable.
I found that he would text them first thing in the mornings and before heading home from work, he would be texting them whilst I was asleep and he was even texting one when we were supposed to be celebrating our child’s first birthday. (He claimed he did it when he got bored or fidgety, not with me, just with life etc, but then like I said he was communicating with them everyday. We’ve always had a strong relationship and I genuinely thought everything was okay, I knew he was struggling a bit with his mental health but we were working through it together so I just couldn’t wrap my head around how he could feel okay talking to so many women in the way he did, all behind my back. We have never had issues with friendships of the opposite sex, so if it was just one or two innocent relations then I’d have been fine with it but he really shattered my trust when I found out. Anyway he was extremely apologetic and grovelled and I know he doesn’t do it anymore but he has really done a number on me, especially as this has all happened when pregnant and then with a newborn throughout a pandemic.
I feel like I could have gotten over it but the same month that I found out, he struck up a friendship with a female work colleague and basically since then they message every day, even if they have seen each other at work and now he’s meeting up for walks alone with her and doesn’t see the issue because he’s open about it all. But in my head it’s like he’s replaced all these online females with a real life one (he doesn’t talk to any other male or female colleagues outside of work like this and he doesn’t meet up one to one with any others either) and when even just last year I wouldn’t have batted an eyelid at their friendship, now it is a constant trigger for me reminding me of the hurt and betrayal he caused me and I can’t shake it, I love him but I also have so much resentment towards him for it all and I feel like I don’t have any closure as he deleted a lot of chats before I got to read them so I only have his word to go off.

Basically I just want to know, am I being pathetic for feeling sad about this and not being able to truly move past it? If so does anyone have any tips on what I can do to try and work through it? We have already spoken about it and he knows how I feel but I’m also cautious about becoming one of those wives that restricts who their husband talks to and sees which is definitely not what I want to be.
I just feel so lonely and insecure at the moment.

[maddening]

You are married with 2 dc and heavily pregnant, he leaves, get the evidence down and see a lawyer.

Good luck x

[notapizzaeater]

He's managed to make you feel guilty for his idiot actions. He's hoodwinked you by telling you half truths. You are better off without him.

[AdoreTheBeach]

I’m very sorry to read all this thst has happened to you. He’s cheated, even if not in person. You have every right to feel this way. Be prepared for him to change the narrative. Bolster yourself against this. Keep strong

You should be loved AND respected by your husband. He didn’t do that.

You will survive and you will be stronger.

Best of luck to you.