To hand in my notice after this treatment from new boss?

[flowerlessorchid]

To set the scene (this is going to be long sorry!)- I've been at my current employer for 18 months, single parent working full time with a contract that states I work 9:30am-5pm with a half hour lunch, which fits in with my commute time (approx 40 mins each way) and after school club. Small public sector employer and I work in a safety role so as you can imagine I've been rushed off my feet since March.

Employer decided to review staffing during Covid, and offered voluntary redundancy, which my boss (who was the only other safety professional in the company) took. So now I'm working alone. An already high workload has now exploded as the work is still there, and I've been working much longer hours to keep up.

The working week just past has been a particularly bad one. DC now at school so I've been having to factor in the school run to my day. Daily meetings I have to attend (with the senior exec who need my guidance) are being put in before my contracted hours start, which is difficult but manageable when I'm WFH. My new temporary boss knows this and agreed I would come into the office Mondays & Thursdays and WFH the rest of the time. WFH without the commute is the only reason I've been able to put in the hours I am at the moment.

New boss is the Finance director, who I have been getting along with until now. He is a very old school, older man who has never married and has no kids (this is relevant). He has been supportive but doesn't understand my job and can't really direct me. On Wednesday he pulls me into a piece of work that is extremely high level strategic policy on Covid-19 (I'm an officer level so not even management and also paid as such). This piece of work should have been done months ago but hasn't as it doesn't fall into anyone's remit, now its suddenly become urgent.

So I spent hours and hours on this piece of work on top of my usual workload, trying to work out what was actually needed, sending drafts to my boss for his comments and involving others where I could. Everyone is insanely busy right now so that took time too. It gets to Friday when the document has to be sent externally and in the afternoon when I thought it would be ready to go suddenly the senior exec aren't happy with it. Boss and me are called into a meeting 4-5pm with the senior exec who rips the document apart.

But what was the final straw for me was after this meeting when my boss turns on me. He told me I was leading on this work so why don't I have all the answers. He demanded to know when I was going to be back in the office full time. I said I could start coming back in full time if required to which he only said 'well today would have been a good day to come in'. I pointed out that it was his suggestion I come in on the days I have. (And to be honest me not being on site would have made no difference to the outcome of this document, if anything I have less time to concentrate on site as people are always coming to my office for things).

So it's 5pm and I'm still working on this document, he has 'helpfully' highlighted the sections that need changing. I make changes, send it back to him. He thinks more changes are needed. It's now 5:30pm and I said to him I have to go and get my DC from after school club. He kicked off again, complaining that he wanted to leave the office early today as he has a dinner night, and said to me 'can't someone else go get your children?'. I had to point out to him that I'm a single parent (he knows this) and school are only permitting parents to collect at the moment as we are in the middle of a pandemic. He was very cross, told me to go do the school run and we would catch up again at 6pm when I'm back home. So I picked up the kids, got home, spent another 20 minutes or so making the final changes, rang him at about 6:15pm, document signed off and sent. Job done.

I'm exhausted and frazzled as it is, was almost in tears (unusual for me) and have spent most of the weekend worried about what next week brings. With the meetings being put in my diary before my usual hours which I have to attend as I'm the only person who can advise the senior exec, and now being told I have to come on site every day I'm going to have to reduce my working hours to my normal level to factor in my commute, or work evenings once I get home.

I've already spoken to a couple of colleagues about what happened and how I now want to hand in my notice as this isn't sustainable, to be told I can't as there is no-one else to do my job, and apparently my hard work is appreciated. We have no union, HR are nice but ineffective, and if I hand my notice in anyway I can't guarantee I will find another job that will give me the flexibility I need r.e. the school run. I've been told by HR to expect a new job description and a permanent boss but they need to hire first.

I don't know what to do but I'm dreading work tomorrow and the demands starting again. Do I just throw in the towel and hand my notice in?

I have to say that arranging the redundancy of your boss as one of only 2 safety professionals - in the middle of a pandemic! - sounds like a spectacularly stupid thing for your organisation to do.

If they have any sense they will not be wanting you to resign as it sounds as if they would be stuffed if you do, if they are relying on you to advise the senior exec.? I think your position is much stronger than you know.

As QuestionMarkNow has pointed out, the organisation could be laying themselves open to potential risk if COVID guidelines are deemed inadequate and consequences should follow. It wouldn't look good for them that they reduced their safety staff by half at such a time.

To cover yourself, you should highlight the concerns and clarify the extent of your accountability, and ensure this is appropriate to your skill level/grade/salary. And make sure it is documented that you raised these concerns.

OP as a single parent myself, definitely DO NOT MENTION THE CHILDREN when you have a meeting with this boss. TBH my attitude has always been, the kids are my business and if I'm scheduled to work 9-5 (BTW we have to work 9-5 with only half hour for lunch, the 9.30 start would be a godsend to me). Especially with this old codger. If work are amenable to you doing school runs etc etc, then great, but it sounds like it's putting this guys hackles up. I'd be totally professional like the other posters has said. i.e. I've been doing over and above my contract and frankly my pay grade and this cannot continue. Refer to the children as - "personal reasons". I think you're in a REALLY GOOD POSITION here if you play your cards right. If you want it...… Can you have someone else with you, like a higher up boss, or a HR person. I'd just say if you're changing my working hours we need to discuss it up front. Good Luck, tell us how you get on :) THye're just using you, and you know it, but it does put you in a great position. You hold all the cards here - remember that. But don't get emotional, and don't mention school runs, or children. :)

That sounds really tough OP. On your shoes, I'd go to my GP and get signed off for stress for a couple of weeks.

You have a contract to work 9.30 - 5 with half an hour for lunch and you're not at management level. Having children doesn't really come into it and as others have said, that is your business. I agree that you need the meeting with your boss and HR, going in with what outcome you want in your mind. That might be that you want to carry on doing the job you are contracted to do, at the grade you are on and the pay you get.

@flowerlessorchid how did the meeting go yesterday?

Sounds really difficult, but please don't do what a previous poster suggested and pull a sickie for a few weeks
It won't do you any favours, and will hardly help the situation.

@Babyroobs

Can your kids dad offer any extra support whilst you are so busy? Do a few pick ups etc ?

I always find this sort of reply really irritating.

1. you're assuming there is a Dad and
2. if there is, and they could pick up DC, don't you think OP would have thought of that?

In a nutshell, a conversation I had with a colleague after Friday about what happened made its way through the office chinese whispers to the head of the organisation, who called my boss into his office yesterday and apparently gave him a bollocking for his treatment of me. When I had my meeting with my boss yesterday another senior manager was present who is now going to be my new line manager. My now ex boss was clearly spoiling for a fight in this meeting, tried to make out the problem was me and his request for me to find alternatives for collecting my DC was reasonable (none of the rest r.e. workload and pay was ever mentioned) and I should have gone to him first if I had a problem. I didn't rise to it, said I disagreed with him about his words on my personal life and welcomed discussing my workload and responsibilities with my new line manager (who I already work with closely and know well).

The whole meeting left me feeling drained and I hope I've made the right move. Now to see if attention will be paid about the other issues. I fear I may have made an enemy in him.

It sounds like you handled him really well in the meeting. He's been given a bollocking and you no longer have to work under him, so the senior staff are aware of his behaviour. I think you have come out of this well.

Well done @flowerlessorchidi sounds like you stood up for yourself and got a good outcome. It was clearly your boss’s fault the project was so late when it was dumped on you and he’s just pissed off he got caught out. Don’t worry about him.

I also have problems setting boundaries at work and tend to take stuff on until I’m falling over, but I work with people who are really good at pushing back and I’m learning from them. Management definitely have more respect for the people who are clear about what can and can’t be delivered. Some useful phrases are: I won’t have capacity to do that. My current priorities are x y z”, would you like me to prioritise this above those things? If I take this on, we will need to agree a new delivery date for x piece of work as I won’t be able to do both in the time available.”

Also keep track of hours worked over your contracted hours and request time off in lieu to make up for it. And if you get a meeting request when you already have something in your diary, just decline it. You can’t clone yourself. Good luck!

Thanks and thanks for all the words of wisdom I had on the thread, I havnt had a chance to reply to all the questions. I agree I have issues setting boundaries at work and its a skill I'm slowly learning (I'm by nature a people pleaser) so this is a good test for me. Long term I'm not convinced I will get any extra pay for the extra work I'm doing but thats another fight for another day. In any case if my path crosses with now ex boss I will remain polite and courteous as always.

The boss is a bastard. But don't just quit - try to get medical leave with your GP's help; explore possibility of lateral shift w/in your company or find other work (hopefully while on leave).

Some of what the man does sounds like it should ring alarm bells in HR - like turning on you for having to pick up kids; comparing school pickup to an effing dinner party??? Any chance you can find an ally in HR who's not totally ineffective? Or maybe get advice from a union, even if not present in your workplace? Citizens' Advice Bureau?

My mum was a single parent - I hear you about the need for flexibility. I still don't know how she managed. You're a star.

I'm glad your meeting went well. Just keep your head down and work with your new manager. Set boundaries for yourself too.

flowerlessorchid what a great result. Sometimes 'enemies' will be made when you are ensuring you are being assertive and watching out for your own rights and needs. Well done! Now focus on your work, do it well and stay on track.

Its a learning lesson for the old manager, who was never going to take the meeting well.

And join the flipping union. It's just good insurance.

I fear I may have made an enemy in him.

Honestly, don't worry about this. He's a bully and you confronted him about it. Others backed you up. Just keep a neutral distance from him. He'll prefer bullying people who don't stand up to him, sadly for them.

Sounds like the rest of the upper echelons are made of the right stuff and your ex boss is just a wanker - well done!
Hopefully he'll be "managed out" for his shocking attitudes.

In the meantime, you have a much nicer new boss and they know that he's a liar and a bully, so chances are, even if he tries to make trouble for you, they will know it's just spite and will take account of that.

Also maybe ask if your work can send you on an assertiveness course - I did one through work years ago (but it was years ago so things are probably very different now!) and it was mainly for people who have troubles setting boundaries - might be useful for you!

I think this will be a positive outcome for you. With the new boss you can discuss current workloads/priorities etc and ensure that you are being better supported & can maintain a work/life balance. Acting up can be a positive in terms of career progression (if you're interested) or negotiating better salary but it needs to be something you buy into. Good luck

I feel for you OP.

I'm in a very high pressure, fast paced job and completely understand how you must have felt scrambling to get this document right as my job always has elements of this!

However it sounds to me like this was a bit of a one off, which has been heightened by everyone else's stress around COVID.

I would not quit yet. I would accept it as a bad week, brush yourself off and move on. It sounds like others People’s stresses are partly impacted by COVID ... so try not to take it personally.

If, however, these types of bad days become really frequent, then I would consider moving onto another job.

You are doing your best, just be confident in yourself and know you are giving 100% and that's all you can do.

Having children doesn't really come into it

I'm not so sure about that. Now that the courts have ruled that actions that disproportionately affect single parents also discriminate against women, because most single parents are women (this was in the "no DSS" rule in private lettings case), I see no reason why that principle shouldn't apply in other areas, like employment.

If I was an employment lawyer, I'd love to find a case where a single parent was disadvantaged at work because staff were expected to undertake overtime at very short notice or something. (This example sprung to my because there was a thread yesterday on this point)

But I'm going OT, and we're not at that point yet.

Everything has been covered by previous posters but it appears you have already spoken to your employer about this:

I now want to hand in my notice ..... to be told I can't as there is no-one else to do my job
That was the time to raise your grievances. Who did you inform you wanted to do this and did they not at least ask you why?

Sorry, OP, I made the mistake of not reading the thread to the end. Oops. I'm glad things seem to be more positive for you and hope you can solve the issues and be happy in your role again.

We have no union

As Waveysnail says upthread, you do not need to ‘have’ a union. You can join Unison as an individual and you should do do now. Just google it and sign up.