Being shouted at my manager

[K2020Rk]

Not posting for sympathy and I know AIBU often results in turning on the OP so I will remain factual rather than emotional.

It is what it is. Senior management have shouted at me and I’ve only been in this job for 2 weeks if that. By shouting I will clarify - raised voice, very aggressive tone in both verbal and written communication and made to feel like I’m a naughty child rather than a fully grown adult. I have been spoken to in a very derogatory manner infront of others.

When I raised the first issue I was told there was nothing wrong with that communication. This worries me as I feel this is their normal way of communicating with people so they don’t even notice! It’s not personal as I have seen further communications aimed at others that also don’t sit right with me, as it came across very blame worthy of the other two people, I also didn’t like it was sent to everyone rather than addressing directly with that person. I’ve only been there 2 weeks so there will be a lot more to come.

I am clear this is not right and I have learnt there is no point raising it as I get made to feel I’m being overly sensitive and there is nothing wrong with how things are being said. I got called into the most senior person’s office on Friday to have a telling off about “my behaviour” which was obviously in response to their initial treatment towards me.

Another person who was spoken to rudely in an email sent to everyone is also new. I spoke to her about things generally and her response was basically: well I’ve met people like this in my last place so I just think to myself okay so that’s what they’re like

I’m posting here for advice - it definitely looks like no one else is making an issue out of how we get spoken to so it’s in my best interest to also accept it. I don’t want to be the only one whose responding to this treatment as I will be on my own! So how to best get on with things? How do I walk in tomorrow after being made to feel awful on Friday? How do I work with people who speak to me like I’m nothing? I will not and cannot leave (yet anyway), it is not an option financially and for other reasons. Any personal experiences I can learn from?

It is totally unacceptable for senior management to shout at you. I’d want to consider my future in an organisation where this was considered acceptable.

No, it shouldn't be okay. It would be okay to shout if you were in immediate danger, but I assume you were not.

You could try and ask them to deal with people in an assertive rather than an aggressive way, and explain people are likely to respond better but it sounds like it's the company culture, so I doubt you'd get anywhere.

I'd look at moving. If you need the income, you'll probably have to stay till you get another job, but if you don't, there's the option if just walking out. I would also explain that the reason I was leaving was because of being treated unnecessarily aggressively and as if I were a child. And they'd probably just ignore it and carry on, but you never know - the feedback I gave after leaving one job (which included a manager who would just shout at the nearest person if he was in a bad mood,) did lead to changes after I had gone, so it can make a difference.

I work in a primary school if that helps with hearing about similar situations.

@SerenDippitty thank you, yes I am totally finding this unacceptable. I came from a non-school job and entered teaching later in life. I’m thinking maybe this is a factor as all the other teacher’s seem to accept this as a norm!

I was trying to remain unidentifiable but I think I need to add more details: I was called into headteachers office on Friday and he shouted at me in response to me making a fuss about how I was spoken to by another staff member. I work in a primary school.

Then you have fouind the source of the shouting. The HT is the root of the communication style.

Look for another job. Have a think about communicating soemthing to the Baord of Governors as you go.

That isn't normal, not in the slightest! The other staff have just normalised it as a way to cope - which is your other option!

I assume if you shouted at a child to reprimand them for poor behaviour, you'd be in trouble. So why is it acceptable for your headteacher to shout at you? I must say, as a parent, I'd be very uneasy if I'd known there was a culture like this in the staffroom at my children's school.

Good luck sorting it out, OP, but tbh I'd be preparing to move on to another job as fast as you can get one sorted out. Is supply teaching an option for you?

@CuriousaboutSamphire and @EBearhug Thank you for responses.

I was reading an article this morning saying “80% of teachers have been bullied in the the workplace within last 2 years” so I’m thinking maybe this is actually normal but people seem to ignore it as part of the job.

@Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g exactly! I would never shout at a child as it’s really horrible. But I have heard them btw shouting in their classes too

@K2020Rk

Completely unacceptable. I work in the civil service and if I shouted at someone I would expect that person to take a grievance out against me, and the grievance to be upheld.

All shouting is unacceptable but it's particularly unacceptable if a manager does it to someone junior than them.

I would search for another job, workplaces like this don't change.

My first job after university was like this. I was told it was normal, that was the world of work, that's what it's like. If I couldn't cope it was because I was pathetic. I ended up staying in that job for years because it crushed my confidence so badly that I was unsuccessful in finding a new job.

Even now, 15 years later, I am constantly amazed to not be shouted at and it is only within about the past three months that I have overcome my fear of ringing colleagues. I spent so many years knowing that ringing someone inevitably meant getting yelled at. It totally screwed up my career prospects because I was such a wreck. Run for the hills.

When you said you worked in a school it mad sense. Sadly, educational settings (from primary to university) all seem to have poor management cultures, bullying and toxic environments and a lack of accountability.

DP is a teacher, some of the things he has experienced would be considered completely unacceptable in my workplace. These are the things Ofsted should be focussing on tbh.

I worked somewhere where the boss shouted at everyone. He was a real bully women sitting at their desks crying. What made it workable was that we knew he was a complete and utter dick head and we did our best to switch off - don't get me wrong it was bloody hard work, but in the end it just showed him up to be a complete idiot.

Go speak to the head of governors about what you’ve witnessed and how you’ve been treated. This is not acceptable. Start logging everything

It could just be an informal conversation initially with the governor to flag concerns

Have you got a union rep in your school. If not, then you can speak privately to your area rep and get some advice. Shouting at other adults in a school is not normal and it sounds as though your head has set the tone of what they’ll accept as normal discourse.

Just start looking for another job. You won't change it.

But when you go tell the governor's why.

It’s horrible anyway but the fact that this is in a school is crazy! No one should speak to anyone like that.

It's not ok, but there is a horrible culture in teaching of bullying, and it's why I left.

Have you spoken to your union, OP? I know they have been great in supporting friends who have been in the same situation.

Sadly, this is all too common in schools. I would start to look for a new job or consider supply and make it clear in my letter of resignation (copying in the governors) why I was leaving.

Good luck.

Thank you all. It’s lovely receiving such Supportive comments. I’m going to see how things develop over the weeks to come then take action. I don’t know why management in schools don’t understand that a happy workplace is a productive one!

Well, if there was another new teacher, I wonder why the previous ones left?
Poor management from the top. I suggest speaking to the governors too.
The rot starts at the top.

IME, 12months working for two screamers, it's not worth it. Find somewhere else ASAP.

I spent all my working life in Primary schools . Bullying , petty behaviour & intimidation were commonplace . Sometimes if parents knew what went on behind the scenes they'd be horrified . One reception teacher who had a reputation amongst parents as being so gentle & kind was vile to the children . Heartbreaking to see & impossible to challenge as she was best friends with the Headteacher.

I work in a primary school. All schools are not like yours and the way you are treated is totally unacceptable. I'd raise it with your union. Please don't give up on teaching though, my school is a great place to work and I know there are many others like mine.

This is appalling behaviour and there's clearly a culture of bullying.

Start looking for something else, OP, it sounds as though it'll be impossible to change. Schools have so much autonomy, it's not like you can raise a grievance with the HT as they're part of the problem.

So sorry you're having to go through this. It sounds disgraceful.