Being shouted at my manager

[K2020Rk]

Not posting for sympathy and I know AIBU often results in turning on the OP so I will remain factual rather than emotional.

It is what it is. Senior management have shouted at me and I’ve only been in this job for 2 weeks if that. By shouting I will clarify - raised voice, very aggressive tone in both verbal and written communication and made to feel like I’m a naughty child rather than a fully grown adult. I have been spoken to in a very derogatory manner infront of others.

When I raised the first issue I was told there was nothing wrong with that communication. This worries me as I feel this is their normal way of communicating with people so they don’t even notice! It’s not personal as I have seen further communications aimed at others that also don’t sit right with me, as it came across very blame worthy of the other two people, I also didn’t like it was sent to everyone rather than addressing directly with that person. I’ve only been there 2 weeks so there will be a lot more to come.

I am clear this is not right and I have learnt there is no point raising it as I get made to feel I’m being overly sensitive and there is nothing wrong with how things are being said. I got called into the most senior person’s office on Friday to have a telling off about “my behaviour” which was obviously in response to their initial treatment towards me.

Another person who was spoken to rudely in an email sent to everyone is also new. I spoke to her about things generally and her response was basically: well I’ve met people like this in my last place so I just think to myself okay so that’s what they’re like

I’m posting here for advice - it definitely looks like no one else is making an issue out of how we get spoken to so it’s in my best interest to also accept it. I don’t want to be the only one whose responding to this treatment as I will be on my own! So how to best get on with things? How do I walk in tomorrow after being made to feel awful on Friday? How do I work with people who speak to me like I’m nothing? I will not and cannot leave (yet anyway), it is not an option financially and for other reasons. Any personal experiences I can learn from?

I don't think you've got a leg to stand on - you've been there two weeks and have already been upbraided for your behaviour.

Whether they are horrible or not they have already established a formal trail of you being the issue.

I think if you don't quit you will be let go.

I have no respect for management who use shouting as a tactic. We are adults, we expect to be spoken to as much.

As such*

@K2020Rk

I work in a primary school if that helps with hearing about similar situations.

@SerenDippitty thank you, yes I am totally finding this unacceptable. I came from a non-school job and entered teaching later in life. I’m thinking maybe this is a factor as all the other teacher’s seem to accept this as a norm!

No, it's not acceptable.

I had a head who was known for doing this.

When my turn came along, I said 'Of course I'll come in for a little chat (her euphemism for 'Screaming in the face until the person cries'). It'll take a little bit longer than Friday to arrange for my Union Rep to attend, though, so could we rebook it for next week?'.

She tried to escalate that by cornering me in the empty staffroom, demanding to know why I was so special I thought I deserved a rep in with me.

I didn't react the way she wanted. And as she began to raise her voice, I spoke quietly, saying 'It is my legal right'. I realised that she was actually scared of me remaining implacable as her voice got louder and harsher.

And then, with the support of the union rep, I submitted a formal grievance about her behaviour.

The Governors made her apologise to me in person.

The next head wouldn't have dreamed of shouting at anybody and I'm now in another place where, again, it's never going to happen, as the head is professional, competent and an overall decent person.

Union up, OP. Don't give the head a chance to get away with it. And if she then penalises you for submitting a grievance, she's going to find herself in an even worse situation.

Ack. He. Himself.

Whatever sex, they need to know that it's not acceptable.

Nobody is going to take that tone with me. I've dealt with bigger, scarier and violent people and no amount of fancy suits or a big car will make it OK for them to do so.

A couple of years ago, my CEO phoned me up and shouted at me over the phone for a good 15 minutes, then called back again and repeated the whole thing. This was in response to me wanting to discuss a really shirty email he had sent me which I felt was inappropriate. I work for a charity.

I was so shocked by the whole thing - I had never in my life been spoken to like that. I haven't been the first or last in my organisation. I so wish I had terminated the conversation and asked him to call back when he was calm but I just let him go on and on. He did eventually apologise on the phone.

My DH, works in the NHS and said I should email him with reference to the call, outlining the content, how personal and inappropriate his comments were, the use of language etc and saying how distressed I had been, as this would be a good line in the sand for any repeat. He apologised again by email and has never repeated it with me but I know others have taken the brunt of his temper.

We get on quite well now, he called this week to say how pleased he was with stuff I was doing but I will never trust him and that makes me feel quite sad. I would never let anyone speak to me like that again. I think I have changed but I don't think he has.