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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dh dropped a patio slab on my foot and barely apologised!

50 replies

whatisforteamum · 12/09/2020 19:58

After last week's thread where I didn't know whether my job or dh was dragging me down.
The general consensus was dh.I had a dreadful day at work and made a mistake which I quickly rectified but felt bad about.The next day a junior member of staff I have had issues with before decided to use mask wearing to not communicate or speak to me for the day which made life difficult as.we.need to speak regularly.They claimed they were unwell so I let them go home early which was silly as they hung around with another dept for over an hour.
I then saw dh today where I asked him if he was happy just staying in his room watching sport and going out with his mates.
He said he was apart from the infrequent sexlife.
I pointed out that if he bothered with me emotionally instead of just keep saying do u want a shag.It was a couple of yrs since df died this week and he never mentioned it claiming I never mentioned his dm s passing as it was 44 yrs ago.
Then we were gardening and he moved a garden slab chucked it down on my sandaled foot saying I thought you had moved!!
He refuses to say sorry to anyone ever.Dd has pointed this out too when she lived at home.I would expect some concern tbh.
I'm feeling very low tonight like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.
A colleague said I am too soft that is why my junior is off with me.

OP posts:
AlwaysCheddar · 12/09/2020 19:59

If he dropped a patio slab on your foot, it would be broken..... is it?

Lockheart · 12/09/2020 19:59

If he threw a paving slab on your unprotected foot then you need to go and get an x-ray! Have you sought medical treatment?

HamRadio · 12/09/2020 19:59

If you manage that junior I’d be considering disciplinary action for that. Or at least an informal “chat” about it.

Start there.

RandomMess · 12/09/2020 20:03

I accidentally whacked DH foot with the fridge door earlier, it hurt. I apologised!!! What an arse...

mbosnz · 12/09/2020 20:06

What would happen if you accidentally socked him in the face with a cast iron fry pan.

JamieLeeCurtains · 12/09/2020 20:10

The junior - you need to have a recorded conversation (as in, you keep notes) about why they hung around for an hour when they had been allowed to leave due to illness. That's not on.

Your DH - well, he doesn't really like you, so you have choices now.

You - start working on why you let people take the piss. (Been there, done that, btw.)

whatisforteamum · 12/09/2020 20:13

It is a decorative circular stone made of concrete.If he wasn't in a temper he would see I hadn't moved.Even so I would be really sorry if I did that to someone.Embarrassed even.

OP posts:
whatisforteamum · 12/09/2020 20:17

I have mentioned the junior to my boss before.He was there when I made a silly mistake that I rectified and got positive feed back from the customers.😀
Whether he was unwell,hungover or holding a grudge for my mistake he cannot wear a mask and refuse to speak for 7 hours then hang around chatting to others.I'll is Ill.Or not.

OP posts:
fatgirlslimmer · 12/09/2020 20:22

He dropped a paver on your foot in a temper? You know this is not ok whether he apologised or not.

BBCONEANDTWO · 12/09/2020 20:24

I remember my ex accidentally ran over my foot and my foot was sore but not agony - so I understand why you don't need an X-ray.

I feel for you you have lost all your confidence. Start with work your junior needs to know who's boss but do it in a professional way.

Regarding your DH - please try and ignore him and make a plan and save money to leave him.

AlrightTreacle · 12/09/2020 20:25

I don't understand your OP, what does your work colleague have to do with your DH? Do you work together? Very confused.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 12/09/2020 20:28

He's upping the ante isn't he?

A relationship breakdown is sometimes very dangerous for a woman. It's when domestic violence escalates. And yours has already started to escalate. . I'm sorry. but i don't believe it was an accident.

Sunnydaysstillhere · 12/09/2020 20:29

My exh showed similar lack of respect for me on holiday once - ramming over my feet trying to walk on ahead with dd's buggy..
It was our last holiday..
Exh...
Ime he regards you as not important anymore..

Fosler · 12/09/2020 20:31

I would be ending this relationship immediately. What next? Slap? A punch?

ScarMatty · 12/09/2020 20:36

@fatgirlslimmer

He dropped a paver on your foot in a temper? You know this is not ok whether he apologised or not.
Are you reading different thread to me?
Devlesko · 12/09/2020 20:40

Sort the junior out, a warning for that. Your colleague sounds like she's got a point.

Ditch the husband, why are you with him? Your confidence will improve 100% when he's gone. It's your life, take it by the balls, and be happy.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 12/09/2020 20:41

I think fatgirlslimmer is reading the same thread as us ScarMatty. What makes you think she isn't?

whatisforteamum · 12/09/2020 20:42

He did crush a DVD into my hand years ago.It was porn that I snapped in in half after I discovered he had a ridiculous amount.He was quicker to anger and crushed it into pieces in my hand until it shattered into lots of shards.

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 12/09/2020 20:43

OP has he ever broken any of your belongings? "Accidently" - coz thats quite common too.

ScarMatty · 12/09/2020 20:44

@NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1

I think fatgirlslimmer is reading the same thread as us ScarMatty. What makes you think she isn't?
The fact that I can't read anywhere that her husband threw the slab in temper; I'm reading it was an accident, but the issue is he didn't apologise
whatisforteamum · 12/09/2020 20:44

Alrighttreacle I was trying to sound out which was the issue.Job or marriage.

OP posts:
ViciousJackdaw · 12/09/2020 20:47

The fact that I can't read anywhere that her husband threw the slab in temper; I'm reading it was an accident, but the issue is he didn't apologise

This is how I understood it too. They were gardening and the husband haphazardly moved a paving slab, resulting in it landing on OPs foot.

whatisforteamum · 12/09/2020 20:52

No nothing broken accidentally.I do think he is jealous of my late df and my career though.I have always saved some to get away.I did think he had mellowed though.

OP posts:
Howmanyhourswastedfindinganame · 12/09/2020 20:52

This is really alarming that he has no regard for hurting you, Intentionally or not. He clearly doesn’t care for your feelings and sounds like a very selfish person indeed.
I couldn’t be with a man like this.
You really do deserve better than this 💐💐

yelyah22 · 12/09/2020 20:54

He doesn't sound like a kind man, or a man who cares if you're okay. He doesn't give you emotional support or affection, he treats you like a sex toy. He has in the past intentionally physically hurt you, and might have done so again with this paving slab, but at the very least has failed to give a shit that he did hurt you.

Your work might be a problem, but your husband is a much, much bigger one.

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