Sorry this is long. NC.
I have a friend who is more "grounded" than I am. I'm more someone who has made a few mistakes by being impulsive, changing my mind, etc. Although I never really see choices as mistakes as such. She likes everything to be entirely logical and thought through. Fair enough, we are all different.
She can be quite condescending towards me at times when I would be discussing life plans or whatever, which i would take as her being constructive in her "no beating around the bush" way. However when the tables are turned, rather than take on MY advice to HER, she would become very defensive. It's like she will be asking for advice but actually not, because every time you give her advice, she'll them expend huge amounts of energy detailing why your advice is wrong and doesnt make sense in the context of her life. So basically she gives me this "no bullshit straight talking advice", and in return I have to be kind of "yeah, sounds like you have it all sorted, that sounds like a great idea".
I mentioned how I was starting to look into teaching as a possible career change. She was really dismissive, and said "this is just like - what? Insane. What are you on about? Have you even taught before? You're clueless about what teaching entails. I think you need to have a long hard think and get real". Standard.
Unbeknownst to her, I have actually taught in secondary schools before, and I enjoyed it.
A few days later she started talking about how she really wanted to move city (shes been talking about this for years), so I said she should go for it. She said it wasnt worth it because she has a great flat where she lives now (rented), and if she moved and then changed her mind, she would have given up this flat and she had "too much to lose".
Ordinarily I would just say fine, yeah, good point, you're right. But I decided to actually test out what would happen if i gave her the kind of advice she normally gives me. So i did. I said "I think it's a bit insane to put off making a decision that clearly means something to you just because of a rented flat. It's a rented flat. It's not the only amazing rented flat in the entire city, if you change your mind you'll find another one. Saying you have too much to lose is a little disproportionate."
In response she became completely defensive. She sent me like 10 whatsapp voice messages justifying why she was completely right to feel the way she did, and ended with: "I mean I'm not like you. I'm not going to fuck things up by making some snap decision with zero thought".
Excuse me????! That actually really hurt. I also really dont get the defensiveness.
I cooled off for two weeks and in the meantime she sent me some pics of a mould problem she is having and some other messages, but I didn't respond.
Last night finally I thought I should get back in touch. Asked for her news, gave her some of mine. This morning she replied with a long message about how I hadn't been there for her during the mould problem and had basically ghosted her. She said "luckily I had other friends to support me with the problem" but that she was upset.
In response, I said I felt she had been condescending to me, that our dynamic was out of kilter and that I didnt appreciate this imbalance in the way we react to one another. I said it feels like she wants to be talking "down" to me and me "up" to her, and that she was defensive and patronising to me generally, and that I didnt like it and had been hurt.
I just... Shes replied to me with loads of long messages (havent read them) but I feel on edge. I want to understand her mindset. What is going on here? Any advice or thoughts? Was I too direct? I feel bad for leaving her 2 weeks without a response.