Aibu or is he?

[Newmammy2020]

Morning all, wanted to get other people's opinions as I'm all over the place at the moment, my ds was born 3 days ago, my dm has come to stay to help me, I had a c section so in a lot of pain at the moment, but my 'd' husband is telling me to ask my dm to go home and come and visit rather than stay, thing is is I really want my mum here, I'm so so close to her and she's been my rock and continues to be, he went out to meet friends last night so I would have been left alone had it not been for my mum, at the mo I'm struggling to get up and around too. He is making it extremely awkward saying that I have to tell her to go home!! For context they get on well!! She lives 40 mins away so not exactly down the road!! I really don't want to tell her to go and at the same time I really want her to stay for a bit longer, is he being unreasonable or am I? Please be gentle I'm exhausted and still in my baby bubble!!

It’s just incredible that he’s gone out to meet his friends with a 3 day old baby at home and on top he wants your mum gone.

It’s common for men to abuse partners after a baby so please be on your guard OP.

The fact your dh would go out even if you had a 2 day old baby, and isn't being as supportive as you need, and suggesting you go for a walk 2 days post c-section, likely won't change if your Mum leaves. He really needs to be more understanding. I'd suggest a definite end date, maybe when baby 7 days or 10 days? Then after that for a week maybe your Mum could come round every 2-3 days etc. Give you a chance to get rest but also your family time to begin to find it's new normal?

Your DM is staying as you need 24/7 support, it is tough recovering from c section,
Your mum can stay as long as you need her, which includes over night (so a hotel for her defeats purpose of her staying)

DH doesn't get to dip in and out of his responsibilities when it suits him. You still exist when out of his sight!
Tell him to button his whinging, your DM is covering for his lack of support and parenting . He either does proper 24/7 shifts & doesn't leave you on your own or DM stays

I fear this is start of a number of slopy-shoulders parent / spouse decisions your DH will make. Time to start as you mean to go on. It's just 6 weeks - 3 months worst bit usually, it's not a lifetime of staying in and ensuring you and Baby can manage if he does pop out- up to an hour. Both of you have your lives changed not just you. Most decent fathers and partners wouldn't be selfishly visiting friends for long periods abandoning you - & also putting newborn at CV risk- within days or weeks of their wife giving birth and having an Emcs

He needs to fuck off. If he carrys on then take baby and go to your mums. He's being unbelievably selfish.

He’s not being supportive.

You want your mum there. Your wants trump his right now because you’re in pain and he’s expecting you to go for walks and leaving you all evening.

Congratulations by the way. Don’t let the dick tarnish this special time.

Sounds like an extra pair of hands and someone to look after you are just what you need.

He is being unreasonable. If you need your mum who is going to give you a different kind of support right now he needs support your wishes. It's not like she has been there a month.

I don't know how anyone could read what the OP has written and say "I'm with DH."

He has three options 1. Help out properly 2. Enjoy going out with his friends and shut the fuck up about your mum being there 3. Leave himself as he is neither use nor ornament.

Either way, he needs to step up pretty fast to avoid 3.

OP I've had two CS. On both occasions my mum came to stay. As DH needed to go out for work he ignored the little niggles that come from having visitors around for a couple of weeks because he knew I needed the support. That's not to say he wasn't supportive, he just couldn't be at home 24/7 during the first couple of weeks and was happy to know there was help while he couldn't be there.

If DH had complained I'm sure I would have felt upset and confused. In this case your recovery and care of DS come first. If he can't do his part and won't stop going on socials he needs to accept that you have help. He doesn't get to have his cake and eat it.

Has he agreed to cancel everything then?

Your husband is a dick

While he us on oaternity leave ask your mum to give you space. She can come and stay later. If shes only 40 mins away she shouldnt need to stay. It sounds like DH feels pushed out its his baby too...