To think the receptionist at the hospital was a little odd..

[Dyinginsideatthecringe]

Hello,

I have a few mixed reviews on this so thought I would ask complete strangers what they thought -

I went to the hospital today for my 20 week scan and I went to the main entrance reception to put a mask on and do my hands etc all that and the young man on reception asked where I was heading - I couldn't think of the name antenatal and just said "oh it's for my twenty week scan" and he replied saying "ohhhhh have you been doing naughty things?", I was a bit taken back by this as obviously didn't expect it so laughed a bit then walked away but my husband thinks it was completely inappropriate and thinks I should complain (so maybe this is more is my husband BU).

What do people think? Now I don't really think much of it but I don't know if it would have made other women uncomfortable.

YABU - it was a joke.
YANBU - it was unprofessional and he shouldn't have said it.

He needs training. Imagine if he said that to a rape survivor FFS. And he has no way of knowing. Please let us survivors decide what we are offended about. I've been raped over 100 times as I grew up with it. I can understand the way in which the joke was intended. It wasn't meant to offend people like me and one of my babies was conceived by rape. I find it really infantilising that people feel the need to be offended on our behalf. Some other survivors may be offended. That's their call.

Sorry I should have clarified my husband wasn't there, I told him later. I agree it was a really bad joke, I'm really awkward and non confrontational which is probably why I just laughed awkwardly as it was an unexpected comment. I don't know if he knew what a 20 week scan meant, I mean maybe the big bump was a give away but he might not know it's an anomaly scan which is fair enough but given what he said (and I definitely heard him correctly) he knew it was a baby scan.

Personally like I've mentioned I'm not overly bothered about it and I think this thread kind of proves why I've asked some people think it's funny, some people think it's a bad joke whereas others think it was completely inappropriate and unprofessional and whilst I'm not going to complain because I wouldn't want someone to lose their job over it - if he continues making "jokes" like this and it's to the wrong person then he may end up losing his job himself which is sad but there's not much more I can do about it.

I did put a post on Facebook about it - more of it being a funny story and a couple of girls commented saying they work at the hospital and find him a bit creepy and another girl went for a ENT (not sure what this is) and he asked her why she was going for it to which she replied "suspected cancer" so he is quite known to ask inappropriate questions but like others have said if he's a volunteer he may have a mental health illnesses meaning he has no filter - I guess we just never know but I'm not going to take it further.

Some men think they're so hilarious.

so he is quite known to ask inappropriate questions but like others have said if he's a volunteer he may have a mental health illnesses meaning he has no filter

Doesn't matter if he is a volunteer or has other issues. Its innappropriate and as pp upthread said - imagine saying this to a victim of abuse and rape.

If he is known for asking patients inappropriate questions then he is probably in the wrong job but as long as people put up with it nothing will change and those comments will be made to more vulnerable patients.

If you’ve put it on social media and it’s attracted comments on him regularly being creepy from his colleagues then the chances are it will be reported to management anyway.

He wouldn’t lose his job over one isolated incident like this anyway. More likely he’d be spoken to as it’s a training issue and hopefully he wouldn’t persist in his creepy behaviour towards women in future. It’s not harmless and it’s worrying how many excuses people are making with regards to this. A “mental health issue” as is being suggested or a developmental or learning need is no excuse for creepy comments...would we be saying the same about racist or disablist comments? “Oh it’s just a bit of fun, people need to lighten up, poor guy is probably a volunteer with mental health problems”. Volunteers have a code of conduct too and if they aren’t appropriate in a customer facing role, especially in a hospital setting, they can be moved to a different role.

Yes, sorry, this would hit me wrong too. It's a difficult one in that it might hit me more or less strongly depending on the 'vibe' I got from someone but even coming from the most non-threatening person, I'd think it was inappropriate.

I'd probably not make a complaint unless it really affected me either, though. God knows stupid things have slipped out of my mouth before, leaving me horrified. And if he's a serial inappropriate-commenter, sooner our later he'll say the wrong thing to someone who actually is affected and it'll be Game Over.

Ah come on, it's funny!

I'd complain, imagine if the next person he tries that with is a victim of rape. He needs feedback to become more professional.

So disrespectful and just unfunny. When was this ever funny?

Please let us survivors decide what we are offended about.

No. You're not the only victim. It's not a homogeneous group.

And no one should be made to feel uncomfortable in any way when they're accessing health care.

I'd be concerned that he'd say it to a teenager who would feel like he was only saying what everyone was thinking, go into her antenatal appointment stressed and primed for judgement and then possibly not say everything she wanted to or return when she should. Teenagers can be hyper sensitive and you don't need to be hyper sensitive to find that off.

Where's the respect. I do expect to be respected and I don't give 'humour' a free pass with people I don't know in situations where I could be feeling vulnerable. If that makes me a bit of a pain or a snowflake, I'm delighted to be that.

I hate to think what he'd have said to someone looking for the STI clinic 🥺

Yabu

YANBU

I call people out for this sort of thing. Always have. There's no way I would have continued without asking him "What do you mean?" In this case, once I had an explanation I would say, "Yes, that isn't funny or appropriate". It's the only way.

Don't complain, but it does sound very odd.

Retail/other customer-facing staff don't have to make conversation. If you can't think of anything interesting and appropriate to say, stick to "that costs x please", "thank you" and/or "isn't the weather awful/lovely today". More is not required or requested, and then you can't say the wrong thing.

Don't complain, but it does sound very odd.

More people should complain about odd behaviour that has the potential to be damaging. What is it about the British. Don't accept the unacceptable!

It would have made me laugh. A lot. Maybe I still have some growing up to do.

I would have laughed

I would report to the hospital.

He could make that joke to 99 women who don't care or find it funny.

The 100th woman is pregnant through rape.

He needs training.

I think people underestimate how hard it can be to make conversation with hundreds of people a day
Making conversation is hard. I know the UK is the promise land of small talk, but in most instances it is not necessary
If customer initiates it, then cool have a chat. I thibk moat of us are fine with hello, thank you, please and bye. This was not to you personally, just a general comment on the unnecessary conversations I've had with people in the UK (I assume they have been instructed to do this due to "customer service")

Well said Rewis.

There was no need to make any comment other than “certainly, turn left at the end of the corridor and you will come to the waiting room” or such. No need for Benny Hill antics. Just another pathetic excuse to make inappropriate sexual comments about a lone woman. It SHOULD be reported, it was flat out wrong.

I don't want or need a receptionist at a medical setting to make small talk about my treatment thanks very much.

Shockingstocking I'm assuming by saying "no" you believe you get to decide what offends me 😂 If you bothered to read my whole post instead of quoting one bit without context (making yourself look like an idiot), you would see I'd pointed out myself that other survivors may be offended. We are not just one hive mind. So please don't go round assuming we'll all be offended. I wasn't offended by what people may have thought to me being a single parent to a baby conceived by rape. I had been through so much trauma a little "joke" like this wouldn't come close to offending me. Obviously it would offend other survivors. But we do not all feel the same and we don't need people like you telling us what to feel.

Please let us survivors decide what we are offended about.
No. I just can't believe someone thinks it's ok to tell someone they can't choose what does or doesn't offend them on an individual basis. I didn't lose that right because I was raped and abused. You clearly believe otherwise. Please access some education.