FIL inappropriate activity

[THJ8LL]

Hi All,

So my question is AIBU to think my FIL is a bit of a creep?
He's been known in the past to make inappropriate comments towards women mostly when he is drunk which isn't very often so isn't a huge deal. He's always adopted very anti feminist ways which does get under my skin however something I try and ignore.
About 7 years ago when I first met my partners family I couldn't help but notice he kept staring at my breasts which I did mention to partner at the time however hadn't noticed anything since.
My FIL has a social media account where he likes and re posts photos of girls in raunchy photos which are my age (in 30's).

I'm not sure if I should mention this to my partner or even my MIL as she is completely unaware of his behaviour and I know she would be mortified.
It's starting to make me feel a bit uncomfortable every time I go on social media there is a new post or photo of this nature. He is also unaware that I have seen this as I think he thinks that others can't view his likes posts??

Gross. Does your husband know about the social media account and his liking of raunchy photos? I would have thought that it would be more up to him what to do.

He does sound a creep but just stop looking and keep your distance. Do not say anything to MIL. Maybe show your DP but not sure what it would achieve other than explaining why you are a bit distant.

Show your partner and explain this is why you will see your fil as infrequently as you feel fit.

He’s a creep and I wouldn’t want anything to do with him.

I think I'd mention to your partner so that he can have a quiet word with him and tell him that the world can see what he is doing online and that it will probably get back to his wife at some point.

It does sound like he won't care and I'm sure his wife is used to his sexist ways and wont be shocked

I wouldn’t be able to help myself and use a bit of humour.

Say at the next social gathering I would smile enthusiastically and say “ooooh FIL, I loved the outfit that the girl was wearing on that picture that came up on your Facebook wall....it came into my newsfeed and I’ve been trying to find out where she got it from”

....and watch while he is implored by everyone to find it and show them!

Stop following him on social media.

Have as little as possible to do with him . He’s not your family, it’s your partners issue to deal with .

I have female older friends who like and share raunchy photos of men ?
If you have seen him liking why has no one else asI am sure he must have other friends
Also if facebook sometimes it says on certain posts so and so has liked this and they haven't
My mum asked me why i had liked a weird thing other day something like crotchet knitting
But if your instincts say he gives you the creeps keep a wide birth

Stop stalking his social media

Block him on social media. He may then ask why and you say you feel uncomfortable with all the raunchy photos he shares. Surely if you have him on sm then so does the rest of his family?

Unfollow, block or hide any activity of his on social media (I agree it is very gross but not 'innapropriate' as such and so it's best to just ignore, I have female family members who share photos of half naked men and feel the same about them). If he makes any comments or makes you feel uncomfortable in anyway by staring at you for example then you absolutely have a right to say something. I think we have instincts for a reason and if he is giving you the creeps then avoid him, unless he says or does something unquestionably wrong though probably best not to stir the pot. My FIL makes me feel very uncomfortable and says a lot of awful things as well and so now I now longer associate with him.

Foul.... just icky.

How come you're the only one with access to his social media accounts?!

YANBU in thinking he's a creep. Other people watching his feed, probably think he's a dirty old man too.
Just hide him on SM so you don't have to look at it.

Definitely mention it to your DP - if your FIL is a bit older is there a chance he doesn't realise 'liking' photos like that means they crop up on your feeds too?
Also, I'm sure your DP is lovely but I'd be worried about him thinking that kind of behaviour is normal and fine. Without knowing anything about their relationship of course but some men do end up like their fathers. So I'd mention it to make sure you and your DPs understanding of what's acceptable is the same and also because he ought to know it makes you feel a bit creeped out.

Urgh. Does the rest of his family but have sm?

unfriend him onsocial media.Theres a difference between an old man being a bit creepy and them acting on it. A huge amount of men are massive creeps. I have uncles and cousins that have made creepy comments. I hate it and wouldnt have them on social media, but it doesnt particularly worry me as such either. In fact I seem to have known so many slightly creepy or inappropriate men in my life that its tainted my whole view of men and how I interact with them, and im definitely not alone in this

I'd be inclined to open another facebook account, 'friend' him and then see how far he is prepared to go. If nowhere, at least you know all he does is leer and a few words could put paid to that.

I had an older relation who'd make misogynist remarks and pass loud judgment on women. He was well thought of so everybody put up with it.

However, I didn't see why I should. One day after he'd delivered yet another tirade about the monstrous bra-burning horde, I said loudly 'Did you know, men who talk hatefully like that about women are secretly gay?'

He was totally respectful towards me after that! Must have hit a nerve.

Not suggesting you do this, but I'm wondering why FiL goes over the top with his public leching.

It makes me laugh how some men have zero self awareness and think they are still attractive to women 20-30 years younger.

I guess their mirror is the one Snow White’s stepmother has.

@heymacaroner

I do think it is the case that he isn't aware we can actually see his activity on social media. He's only had it a few months so probably doesn't even realise we can all see it which makes it even more awkward as he's unaware that I've even seen it.

My partner is nothing like his father in the slightest thank god. Without sounding too harsh on the FIL he is a lazy pig who thinks women should slave in the house whereas my partner has a complete different view, he's like his lovely mum

Which social media? Facebook? I didn’t know likes still came up in the feed; thought they’d done away with that. Instagram has stopped their like feed too.

@Thisismytimetoshine
I am not the only one with access to his accounts. MIL doesn't have any social media, my partner has social media but doesn't use it day to day, however I find it hard to imagine that he hasn't seen/noticed what he's been using social media for!!

@yellowgusset

Thanks for your unhelpful suggestion?
I am in no way "stalking" his social media? When I open the app and updates come up his activity is part of it. Not quite sure how that is stalking
I've been a victim of a heavy stalking case so don't believe your using this term appropriately for this matter.