FIL inappropriate activity

[THJ8LL]

Hi All,

So my question is AIBU to think my FIL is a bit of a creep?
He's been known in the past to make inappropriate comments towards women mostly when he is drunk which isn't very often so isn't a huge deal. He's always adopted very anti feminist ways which does get under my skin however something I try and ignore.
About 7 years ago when I first met my partners family I couldn't help but notice he kept staring at my breasts which I did mention to partner at the time however hadn't noticed anything since.
My FIL has a social media account where he likes and re posts photos of girls in raunchy photos which are my age (in 30's).

I'm not sure if I should mention this to my partner or even my MIL as she is completely unaware of his behaviour and I know she would be mortified.
It's starting to make me feel a bit uncomfortable every time I go on social media there is a new post or photo of this nature. He is also unaware that I have seen this as I think he thinks that others can't view his likes posts??

Surely other people can also see his social media though? He sounds pathetic but I would just mute or delete him and consider it his business. I wouldn't be having anything to do with him anyway as a woman, if he is a misogynist so it would be no loss to me.

I don't think it's a particularly big deal to point it out to your DP though, it's hardly a serious conversation to my mind so much as a "DP I've seen your dad does this a lot on social media, I find it strange".

Thanks for the answers everyone. I'm glad I'm not just being wild in thinking he's slightly creepy.
Think I'm just going to ignore it best I can for now in regards to the social media.
I do think if any comments are made in front of me though I won't be able to bite my tongue as much in future
Secretly hoping another family member picks up on it and mentions to him soon

Get your DP to talk to him about it. It'll go wrong if you get involved yourself.

If you know, they ALL know. Believe me! I've seen this movie! They're all really good actors and great at feigning ignorance because it's the easy way of dealing with a horrible situation. They just keep quiet and enable his disgusting habits and behaviour. I'd talk openly with your DH though because you need to let him know that you're not enabling his dad's shit.

@TheVanguardSix I struggle to believe that others in the family don't feel the same. I think maybe those who have seen it feel the same as me and don't want to rock the boat maybe. All just waiting for the other person to speak up

Are you planning on having children? Will you be happy with this man as their grandparent?

Personally I'd want nothing to do with him, which may mean you and any future GC see less of your MIL.

So yes I'd say something. Talk to your DH, and any siblings.

Show your dh
Block him on SM
Refuse to see them, and take out MIL on your own - no need for him to ever believe this is acceptable.

I would show your DH.

I would then mute him. You already know he's a creep, no need to have to look it in the face everytime you log on.

I would show your DH. I would then mute him. You already know he's a creep, no need to have to look it in the face everytime you log on..

Good advice

Facebook? It’s such a weird function of the site that all comments are made available to your contacts. I don’t want to know my mum’s opinion about last weeks Eastenders or Harry & Meghan, but they insist on notifying me! I don’t comment on any public posts as I don’t want my uncle/ex classmates getting notified as to my opinion on Brexit or my preferred way to boil an egg.
It’s bad enough that they have the Likes function where all comments are rated in full public view, it’s like being back on the playground.

Why all this "show you DH" stuff...... just comment on his posts by saying something along the lines of " wasnt expecting to see something like this on your account, little young for you arent they?"

that way you're letting him know you've seen them and also judged him.

and going forward, i would just keep putting question marks in the comments of them and if he says anything, just say youre not sure why he keeps posting pictures of semi clad women on his social media.

Or ask him if he's been scammed as there are a lot of pictures of semi clad / raunchy girls on his social media

Oh for a well thought out social media alternative that isn’t only interested in sucking up as much info and then over sharing everything as much as possible. I use Wechat for work and it’s light years ahead in every way.

Tbh, the family probably simply enable him by saying “Oh dad’s harmless - that’s just how he’s always been.” and minimize his creepy, pervy behaviour. But really sending you this kind of shit is belittling and intimidating and putting you in your place. Someone has to stand up to him, and it’s either got to be your partner or you. I personally would have nipped it in the bud immediately by saying, “I really don’t appreciate that kind of thing. Please don’t send any more.” If he continued, I would send one more message stating, “As I said previously, I find those images offensive and asked you not to send them. I am now blocking you.” Problem solved.

For a married man that's grim.