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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why people are so put off by their H or boyfriends...

28 replies

LivingMyBestLifeNOT · 10/09/2020 23:38

I m now single and am intrigued to know. I have issues from my ex, watching porn but I was always up for it.
However the more people I talk to havent had it for many months with their partners. I find this strange... why?!

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 10/09/2020 23:43

What’s “it” exactly?

Lockheart · 10/09/2020 23:44

Far too many people are unable to communicate properly with their partners about sex. And relationships in general for that matter.

Far too many people marry someone they're not sexually compatible with.

Ishihtzuknot · 10/09/2020 23:46

Are you talking about sex or another subject? Why are you so intrigued by others’ sex lives if so? There are many reasons why couples don’t want to have sex or just chose not to and that’s their business.

YerAWizardHarry · 10/09/2020 23:48

I see it online a lot, women adding vomit face emojis when talking about the prospect of being intimate with their partners Hmm I just think the double standards are awful, imagine how upset a woman would be if the tables were turned

Ilen · 10/09/2020 23:49

So, do you often sit about quizzing your acquaintances on how long it is since they’ve had sex with their partners?

Original poster
LivingMyBestLifeNOT · 10/09/2020 23:52

I guess for me I have always wanted sex. My ex wasn’t wanting it and turned out he was watching porn once I had gone to bed. Would lay in most mornings and would probably see to himself and it’s now become an issue for me. But yet the more and more friends I talk to say oh go no he hasn’t had it for months and I don’t get the probeln

OP posts:
Original poster
LivingMyBestLifeNOT · 10/09/2020 23:54

Sex. Yes. It makes me feel strange that couple don’t have sex. I am single now but always wanted sex but my H Decided he’s rather watch porn

OP posts:
Original poster
LivingMyBestLifeNOT · 10/09/2020 23:55

Lock heart yes that’s what I thought

OP posts:
Original poster
LivingMyBestLifeNOT · 10/09/2020 23:56

Ilen I don’t quiz obviously but just find it strange how they wouldn’t want sex...

OP posts:
Original poster
LivingMyBestLifeNOT · 10/09/2020 23:57

@YerAWizardHarry

I see it online a lot, women adding vomit face emojis when talking about the prospect of being intimate with their partners Hmm I just think the double standards are awful, imagine how upset a woman would be if the tables were turned
Yep agree with you
OP posts:
TheEC · 10/09/2020 23:59

Educate yourself on the porn industry...

Ishihtzuknot · 11/09/2020 00:00

Not everyone has a high sex drive or one at all. I never wanted sex with my ex once I got ‘the ick’. I’m now single and still have no interest.
If you lose interest or attraction to your partner it’s common to not want sex with them. Other couples with a happy relationship might be too busy/tired with children etc. No one should feel they have to do it just because they’re in a relationship or their partner wants to.

Thisismytimetoshine · 11/09/2020 00:01

You're overly invested in other people's sex lives...

TomPinch · 11/09/2020 00:17

@LivingMyBestLifeNOT

I m now single and am intrigued to know. I have issues from my ex, watching porn but I was always up for it. However the more people I talk to havent had it for many months with their partners. I find this strange... why?!
Exhaustion.
BewilderedDoughnut · 11/09/2020 01:03

In a long-term relationship or marriage it’s normal to go through phases where you aren’t as physical with each other. So long as the other aspects of the relationship are happy and healthy it’s fine.

TorgosPizza · 11/09/2020 03:00

There are as many reasons as there are people, surely. Why do some people eat more than others? Why do some people enjoy running while others hate it? Why do we all have different tastes in music, films, books, decor, etc.?

The phrasing here feels a bit judgmental, tbh. Surely we've all heard of low libido, lack of attraction, mismatched drives, exhaustion, and so on. Maybe it's some type of libido-related humblebrag. Wink

FrenchOrGreek · 11/09/2020 03:17

Oh FFS OP. Learn about sex.

The very last thing any man wants is a woman who thinks that making love involves lieing back and thinking of England.
The sexiest thing ever is enthusiasm. Imagine that you love cock, you love spunk, and you can't enough of it.
Only then will you tilt your windmills.

steff13 · 11/09/2020 06:14

@LivingMyBestLifeNOT

I m now single and am intrigued to know. I have issues from my ex, watching porn but I was always up for it. However the more people I talk to havent had it for many months with their partners. I find this strange... why?!
You'd have to ask whoever it is you're interviewing about their sex lives why. I have a high drive, but it isn't particularity taxing of my intelligence to think of reasons why sex isn't important to other people, or is not a priority.
borntohula · 11/09/2020 08:11

In a relationship where both partners find each other attractive, I'd find it weird to go for months without.

borntohula · 11/09/2020 08:13

@TorgosPizza

There are as many reasons as there are people, surely. Why do some people eat more than others? Why do some people enjoy running while others hate it? Why do we all have different tastes in music, films, books, decor, etc.?

The phrasing here feels a bit judgmental, tbh. Surely we've all heard of low libido, lack of attraction, mismatched drives, exhaustion, and so on. Maybe it's some type of libido-related humblebrag. Wink

Why do you think libido would be something to brag about?
Boom45 · 11/09/2020 08:15

I find it difficult to understand how some peolle can have so little empathy that differences in wants, needs and lifestyles can bemuse them so much. Turns our we're all very different and have different stuff going on in our lives. Amazing.

BloggersBlog · 11/09/2020 08:17

Maybe because women who know about the porn industry and its abuse of the people it, find it a turn off if their partners are turned on by it.
Nothing is real in it. It's fake, empty and takes away any spark from how sex should be in rl imo

MistyGreenAndBlue · 11/09/2020 08:29

I don't think OP is defending the porn industry. Quite the opposite in fact as she says it ruined her DPs sex drive.
She's wondering why people in a purportedly loving relationship don't want sex.

In my case it's my health and I wish it would fuck off. I used to enjoy a good shag with DH.
But at least he doesn't give me a hard time about it.

Dishwashersaurous · 11/09/2020 09:05

You are confusing two issues.

  1. Your ex preferred porn to you- the real problem;
  2. What other people do; multiple reasons mainly connected to stress and being knackered
NewAutumnName · 11/09/2020 09:13

Some people have high sex drives and some have low/none existent.

People get turned on by different things - for some it is porn and others it's their partner turning them on and some it's both.

Some people find their partners a turn off but stay with them anyway - ease/apathy/love them but don't fancy, lots of reasons and if both ok then it works. Affairs happen with a mismatch