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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do all men have some kind of in-built avoidance/stupid gene?

34 replies

pollyglot · 10/09/2020 23:35

Moved to our new house - he wanted a big plot to shoot on, I just wanted a smallish garden to potter. We bought a big block. He tells me that he "doesn't do gardening". Turns out that means he doesn't "do" - weeding, planting, pruning, chain-sawing, spraying, painting, lawn-mowing, window washing. Because the garage is in the garden, he also doesn't "do" washing the car, getting it in for servicing, pets to vets. Today I staged a revolt after doing 3 hours of laundry, hoovering, dishwashing, bed-changing etc, and he actually started to wash the car. (I cleaned it out/hovered yesterday inside...it really needed it). I glanced out the window just now and saw him scrubbing the car paintwork with a nylon bristle brush. The paintwork has large circular scratches and I'm guessing they are irreparable. I'm still boiling mad because that car cost me a big chunk of my pension lump-sum. Is it a clever male conspiracy to be so stupid that women have to take over, men thereby avoiding the work?

OP posts:
Thelnebriati · 10/09/2020 23:43

Its called 'strategic incompetence' and it would make me move out pronto.

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/09/2020 23:44

Your bloke is lazy. Your title is stupid. No they don’t.

Sparklfairy · 10/09/2020 23:45

I honestly don't know. If he was at work and given the task of washing the boss' car you can bet your life he wouldn't have scratched it up like that.

Without making sweeping sexist generalisations, the men I know that do this had mothers that ran round after them, then chose partners that would at the very least pick up the slack where they were lacking.

There are only a couple of men I know who are not like this. They've lived alone from a very young age and had no choice but to grow up and be self sufficient. Society expects women to "run the home" which means know everything and do everything.

5foot5 · 10/09/2020 23:46

Er. No. It isn't. Why did you spend so much of your pension on a car? Was that wise.

You have enough land to shoot in! If you can afford that much land can you not also pay someone to cone in once every so often to keep it tidy?

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 10/09/2020 23:46

No but some men apparently have a revenge gene to make sure they punish you for daring to insist on them doing their share

Ilen · 10/09/2020 23:47

@AnneLovesGilbert

Your bloke is lazy. Your title is stupid. No they don’t.
This. Don’t falsely comfort yourself by thinking it comes with XY chromosomes.
Charles11 · 10/09/2020 23:49

Seriously? He didn’t know that brush was going to scratch your car? I can’t believe he’s that stupid. Sounds like he has a malicious gene too.

Haworthia · 10/09/2020 23:49

I too have experience of strategic incompetence. The task was painting a newly plastered ceiling white. He started and the paint was very pale blue. Close enough, he said. I disagreed. Then he went back to the garage to find the white paint and carried on. This time it was beige paint.

He’s not colourblind, but I’ve never asked him to paint anything since.

thenightsky · 10/09/2020 23:52

In 40 years of marriage I've been gobsmacked at his stupidity so many times I've long ago lost count. And he's a clever bloke, with degrees, responsible job and stuff.

giantangryrooster · 10/09/2020 23:59

And he's a clever bloke, with degrees, responsible job and stuff.

Mine too. Here we are told our dc need to be able to handle three messages before starting pre-school (aged 6). My dh will never ever get into pre-school 🤦‍♀️Grin.

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/09/2020 00:13

My dh will never ever get into pre-school

Good job you find it funny I guess. Wouldn’t work for me.

roundandsideways · 11/09/2020 00:17

My ex would so this kind of thing to get revenge on me, for making him do any job. He was controlling and abusive in other ways.
It's no accident, or mistake, he does it on purpose

FarTooSkinny · 11/09/2020 00:23

Do all men have some kind of in-built avoidance/stupid gene?

What a ridiculous sexist statement

How about

Do all women have some kind of in-built nagging gene?

Doesn't sound so funny that one

Original poster
pollyglot · 11/09/2020 00:24

5foot5 Thanks for the financial advice. I bought the (very modest) car with a chunk of my pension lump sum, knowing that I was about to inherit very substantially from the family trust. And although I was doing all the gardening work because I love being outdoors, and the challenge, despite going back to work full time, I've decided that the young man who comes in every week does it better.

OP posts:
wifesupremacist · 11/09/2020 00:50

no

IHaveBrilloHair · 11/09/2020 00:55

That sounds far more than lazy.
Who scrubs a car like that?

powershowerforanhour · 11/09/2020 01:02

He doesn't sound like somebody who should have a firearms licence.

Original poster
pollyglot · 11/09/2020 01:11

powershower - he saw battlefield action back in the 80s. So knowing his way around firearms was kinda essential to survival, both his and his comrades'.

OP posts:
CayrolBaaaskin · 11/09/2020 01:15

This whole thread is sexist and a bit nuts.

blueshoes · 11/09/2020 01:17

Circular scratches in paintwork is not stupid. It is a deliberate act of sabotage designed to ensure you never dare to revolt or make him do any work around the house.

That is not stupid. That is an act of war.

What are you going to do about that?

MrsFezziwig · 11/09/2020 01:28

Today I staged a revolt

So you’re some kind of lowly peasant and he is your lord and master?

(And no, of course not all men are like this - just seems like you’ve made some poor choices).

DiggerDave · 11/09/2020 01:34

It sounds like you've married a muppet tbh.

I'd also say it's more common for men to be precious about their cars than women, and even most idiots wouldn't use an abrasive brush.

Nonetheless, the scratches are most likely in the clearcoat and will probably be removable with a machine polish (look online for a mobile car detailer and expect to pay over £100 for a decent job).

DioneTheDiabolist · 11/09/2020 01:38

Big plots to shoot require a lot of maintenance. Hunters and stalkers know that. Scrubbing car bodywork with a brush damages it. Adult car owners know that.

Is your DP is extraordinarily thick OP? Or extraordinarily lazy? Do you want to put up with either for the remainder of the one life that you have?Confused

nancybotwinbloom · 11/09/2020 01:45

He needs to :

Fix the paintwork
Adhere to the list of things that are his responsibility (write this list now op)

Or puss off

Mrscutesmummy · 11/09/2020 01:46

There are lovely men out there who aren't massively entitled and actually pull their weight (my dad is one) but I do think they are the minority.

This is why I'm single now and won't ever live with someone again. It does feel like a silent Cold War constantly and I only realised how much easier life is when you only clean up after yourself when I left.

I agree with the others he used that brush on purpose as a 'fuck you' for making him wash the car. What you want to do about that is up to you really. I know you didn't start this thread for people to tell you to leave yr DH but he doesn't sound great. Sorry op big hug I'd be hopping mad too.