To be losing my grip on reality?

[Sohardtochooseausername]

AIBU?

I am a single parent of an 8 year old. I have a managerial job in a bank. Before covid I probably spoke to about a hundred people every day - some in meetings, some just saying hi, some going for lunch, coffees etc. After work I’d hang out with the parents at hockey practice or go for a glass of wine with a friend. I was starting dating. I went to exercise classes.

During lockdown all that stopped obviously. I do all my work on zoom. I am on conference calls 6 or 7 hours a day. At the end of the day my only social opportunities seem to be other zoom things. Hardly any way to see anyone else.

When my dd was at home it was horrific balancing my job and her needs and I was so stressed I was desperate for some time on my own. Now I am at home all day on zoom by myself I feel like I am the loneliest human being in the world. Nothing really feels real any more. I don’t feel like I’m real.

Our work has said we are probably not going back till at least spring 2021. AIBU to say I don’t know how to cope with the lack of social contact? Does anyone feel the same? How are single people coping with endless days in their homes on video conferencing and no adult company at night?

Why can't you go out with friends or restart dating?

OP that is really tough.
What can you do after work to see ppl in person?

Think it’s important to prioritise this for yourself

@MoistMolly

Why can't you go out with friends or restart dating?

I do try. There are still a lot of restrictions where I live and no one seems to want to go out much.

Can you join a gym outdoor boot camp type thing?

I had neglectful parents and spent much of my teenage years alone in my room, preinternet days.

I understand how un nerving it is

You're not being unreasonable at all. We are living in tough times and as a society , we are more isolated from each other than ususal. Most people whether single or not, don't know how to cope and i genuinely feel for you, as it can be quite lonely at times and a struggle to cope and stay sane. Stay strong, when all this passes you will come out the other side with a hunger for life and interactions that you've never felt before and tou will also be a lot stronger than you've ever been. Reach out to as many people as you can in the mean time... it all helps to stay in touch and form new connections

@Ladywinesalot

OP that is really tough. What can you do after work to see ppl in person?

Think it’s important to prioritise this for yourself

I’ve organised to see my friends and stuff. But there are still quite a lot of restrictions. We tried to book a restaurant and were told only one household per table. I’ve been out for walks and things. 2 terrible dates. I feel like I need the regular things like exercise classes, but they are really hard to get into now because the spaces are so limited.

It all feels DIFFICULT and JOYLESS

Some of my friends are also restricting social contact. Going through big stuff with their families and they just have bad things going on. It’s not as easy as it was.

I feel like because I seem fine on the surface from my jolly posts on social media everyone assumes I’m fine.

It’s very hard to admit you are so lonely you don’t see the point of things anymore.

I feel for you too. I am also struggling and my mood and temperament has changed and I feel that it all feels pointless now.

Try to keep in touch with friends, I've stupidly lost touch with mine and can't see much point in anything lately

OP I’m really feeling for you.

I know it’s the same as interacting with people you know, but can you go sit/work in a coffee shop where there are other ppl?

This helps me sometimes, even though it is just surface company, it can relax me.

@Ladywinesalot

I had neglectful parents and spent much of my teenage years alone in my room, preinternet days.

I understand how un nerving it is

It’s a bit like being a teenager actually. Except then I had more energy in the evenings for stuff like making mix tapes and writing my diary and trying out different make up looks. Maybe I should start doing that again.

I think long term more will suffer mental health problems than problems from covid

@NewAutumnName

I feel for you too. I am also struggling and my mood and temperament has changed and I feel that it all feels pointless now.

Try to keep in touch with friends, I've stupidly lost touch with mine and can't see much point in anything lately

I’m sorry you feel bad too. I get very grumpy with dd because I’m so tired from all the zooming and I just want her to go to bed and then afterwards I feel lonely.

I think there are a lot of people out there who aren’t seeing much of their friends right now - virtually or physically.

Hang in there - things will get better. I use the radio a lot and also make contact, phone friends, long lost family etc. Do a routine walk. Volunteer. But mostly remind yourself that this is a temporary glitch and you'll be back in the land of the grown ups one day not too distant...And there are a gazillion others who feel the same way.

I have felt like my life is 'unreal at times and felt quite low and I am not a single parent. That must be extremely hard. Just remember why you are doing what you to. It is for your daughter. Take time for yourself and try to connect with people - phone calls, meeting outside...whatever is possible. I dont have solutions but hang in there and know you are definitely not alone. This too shall pass.

Does you kid have a friend you could invite round after school, then have a cheeky glass of wine with the kids mum when they come to pick up? Other single parents at the school will be in the same need of company.

And maybe start being a bit more honest on social media about how things are. A friend of mine posted this on Facebook recently and it prompted me to get in touch. www.mother.ly/life/in-the-absence-of-the-village-mothers-struggle-most

Here’s a wanky quote that will magically fix all your shit

sometimes when I feel that way i just go and look round sainsburys, at the home stuff, clothing and offers...not very profound but it brings me back to a little bit of normal.

@willloman

Hang in there - things will get better. I use the radio a lot and also make contact, phone friends, long lost family etc. Do a routine walk. Volunteer. But mostly remind yourself that this is a temporary glitch and you'll be back in the land of the grown ups one day not too distant...And there are a gazillion others who feel the same way.

Thanks. I do go out and exercise by myself everyday. I’d really lose the plot if I didn’t. I try and speak to or see friends. They just all have their own stuff going on. I have dd at home most of the time and I don’t socialise when she is around because she won’t leave me alone. I can’t call people without her interrupting. She’d never go to bed if someone came round for a drink etc.

Does your work allow you to have a proper lunch break? You could use that to go out and see a bit of real life, maybe meet up with someone if they’re free, even if it’s for a distanced walk. That would break up the time you spend alone, before your DC comes home.

Would the two of you consider a trip to the cinema in an evening, or something similar, just to be out and about more?

I was shielding, and it was very odd indeed when I went back out for the first, time, and I understand your feeling of loss of reality.

On a lighter note, I’m usually a home worker, with my husband out at his office all day. Since he’s been WFH, we’ve sent essentially spent 24/7 together for six months, and much as I love him, I am craving some of my alone time back. Could we swap?

[quote reader12]Does you kid have a friend you could invite round after school, then have a cheeky glass of wine with the kids mum when they come to pick up? Other single parents at the school will be in the same need of company.

And maybe start being a bit more honest on social media about how things are. A friend of mine posted this on Facebook recently and it prompted me to get in touch. www.mother.ly/life/in-the-absence-of-the-village-mothers-struggle-most[/quote]
This is it - I feel like my whole village has been burned to the ground and there is no one left.

Op if you were near me I’d suggest we meet at a park with our kids, let them run around whilst we get drunk on wine and let our woes out.

Good for the soul

I do have good flexible hours and I’ve been trying to organise lunches and coffees and stuff. I don’t live very near any of my friends or colleagues so it’s always a bit of a palaver organising. Like I said DIFFICULT. Everyone is busy and things get cancelled because work or because the weather is terrible here. It’s already freezing and it’s been raining for weeks. I have a lunch organised with someone in 2 weeks and I just know it will be cancelled.

@Ladywinesalot

Op if you were near me I’d suggest we meet at a park with our kids, let them run around whilst we get drunk on wine and let our woes out.

Good for the soul

I would do that!

I am WFH for the foreseeable not even many on line meetings either. Fortunately I have DH (always WFH but a hermit/introvert) and rl teenagers.

However, the lack of seeing other people to socialise is really starting to grind me down. It wasn't great pre-Covid but now I can't easily go back and visit people where I used to live

Highlight of the last few months is going on a dog walk with someone else but they quite often cancel.

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Same here @Ladywinesalot. Single parent to a 6 year old. Except pre-covid wasnt much better. I found people rallied round when I first became a single parent years ago. Then family and friends just drifted away.

I cant fathom it. I have great friends, kind and generous. They just are never around. I suspect people think I'm busy doing play dates with other parents or something (none of my friends have kids). I'm not. I'm sat on sofa after bedtime, looking at phone and trying to find something on the telly.

My mum lives 3 minutes away. She visited once in last 6 months and doesnt want visitors at her house due to covid. We easily could have met in the garden but she's just not bothered. But similarly when DC was tiny she gave no support, wouldnt even hold him cos she was nervous.

That village article makes me sad. I absolutely want to be around people that give a shit. My current bugbear is that my isolation becomes my DC isolation - I've had work phone calls, he has had nothing. Nobody except me interacted with him until school started. Makes me sick thinking about it. And angry actually.