I’ve let myself go: AIBU To ask what book changed your life?

[KrabbyPatties]

I’m fat and I don’t care
I drink too much and I don’t care
I just don’t care

Im a lazy cow and I don’t care

I’m not depressed any more than anybody else is in this shitshow of 2020

So; which book jolted you out of inertia and into self care?
Because I need a massive kick up the arse ... I used to have so much willpower and it’s gone! and I still ... don’t care

I’ve got amazon at the ready.
HELP me oh Vipers!!

@Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches @bellinique

I read 1000 yellow suns before; yes. It’s a tough read!

@Gladgreengrass

My husband is is always on at me about mindfulness, he is famously disciplined and I envy him. I do it now and again. I feel like I need to be reprogrammed

You're funny OP

Thanks everyone... these are really good, am checking out all these titles.

I just want to get my willpower back

My get up and go has got up and gone!

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway- an oldie but a goodie.

It explains why not doing anything is actually more psychologically painful in the long run than trying to change something. So, tempting as it is to sit there and not act, it's worse than having a go and risking failure.

Might not apply especially to weight, but it's a great book for living your life and taking a few risks, I found it lifechanging, especially as a perfectionist who also didn't want to try stuff in case it didn't work.

I am suffering from entrenched sense of entitlement. If I want it, I have it.

I used to feel like this. I think I was making so many sacrifices in other areas of my life that I used to have an attitude of "I will eat this and you can't stop me". Changing my lifestyle has really helped with this. It's a work in progress, but on a good day I hardly remember to eat until I'm starving.

I feel like I need to be reprogrammed

Can definitely identify with that op!

There are some very good mindfulness apps... Headspace being one I see recommended on here a lot.

[[https://www.independent.co.uk/extras/indybest/gadgets-tech/phones-accessories/best-mindfulness-apps-a8217931.html

Mindfulness apps]] It's about £10 a month I think.

It's very good if you are new to meditation because it starts with chunks of just a few minutes. Good luck!

I think @MsStillwell makes a good point about making so many sacrifices, that you develop a feeling of entitlement to compensation (in your case via food and drink).

I would take a look at your while life and look at the areas which make you miserable and change them. Over-indulging is the symptom not the cause.

Op, how old are you? Have you checked for any underlying health issues? Lack of energy could drive you to eat which then becomes a vicious cycle.

I don’t think half a bottle of wine a week is going to kill you.

Yes, because the only habits anyone could possibly want to change are ones that will kill them Alcohol can contribute to feeling low, anxiety, weight gain and existing health issues etc, even if you don't drink that much.

OP, you have to really want to change, otherwise reading self-help books is just a substitute for actually doing something . Make one manageable, not too ambitious, healthy habit and stick to that to start with.

I've given up booze. Altogether. I'm just finally done with it. Even moderate amounts make me sleep badly, affect my acid reflux and generally make me feel a bit off. I don't even really enjoy it past the first half glass, so why bother?

Not a book suggestion but a daily walk has honestly made such a difference to my mental health - just the fresh air, the pointlessness if it (there’s no purpose to it - I don’t have a dog or anywhere to particularly go), the time to just be by myself. Not usually a big walk either, just a mile or two around my local area.

@KrabbyPatties

Brilliant thankyou

When I say I drink too much, I haven’t got an alcohol problem but I normally drink a bottle of wine a week with my husband. In the past few weeks I’ve been having a drink every day. For lots of folk it’s normal but for me it’s just too much compared my my usual amount.

I’m greedy and hedonistic and probably a compulsive eater more than anything else

Sounds like me!

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway- an oldie but a goodie.

Genuinely changed me and my life. Made me realise I was the one in control of my life and I was bullied and belittled only because I allowed it. I really am a different person since reading it.

(author Susan Jeffers by the way)

I don't have any book recommendations, but I'm in the exact same position as you right now :-( so i'm reading the replies and taking them on board too! Thank you for this thread, I really needed to read it as I'm already on cappuccino number two and I had a sausage roll for breakfast

I always used to read books and not act on them. Now when it says "you need to do this exercise" or "write on your mirror/a post it note/say this out loud" I do it. There and then. When it says "try this in the morning" I don't wait until I have a long empty Saturday morning to do it in my sweet time, I do it the next day in the rush of things. You have to use these books as tools for action not as an excuse for inaction for them to work. And if they ask you to do something and you really can't be arsed? Stop listening and go do something else.

Feel the fear and do it anyway was a revelation for me because at that time I was desperate to stop being so anxious. I was crippled by panic attacks and nightmares and night terrors and felt like I could hardly breath. I would have done anything she asked me to do in those first few pages. I was ready and willing and had the desperation of a rock bottom. I'm not saying there isn't magic in her words, but I had had a revelation type experience before which I did not act on and faded to insignificance. When I read feel the fear and do it anyway, I was open to change. If she had said jump, I'd have asked how high. That's when self help is at its best. You need the willingness. That feeling of discomfort may need to become a glaring emotional boil, or it may be enough to spring you into action. Regardless, it is the action not the Author that makes the book work.

I found the Mark Williams Mindfulness book really useful, it sets out an 8 week course of which I managed to do about 6.
Also if you’re interested in self-help Oliver Burkeman ‘Help’ is interesting to get an idea of what might work and why, and is a really easy read.

Sorry meant to say that I really didn't "get" mindfulness before ...

When you say stuff like "I'm fat and I don't care" it could be that rather than not caring, you are disengaged from your life (as we all are at times), which leads you to going through the motions, and without wishing to sound preachy, you are doing what is easy and eating what is "to hand" in that moment because you are not "mindful" of what you are doing in that moment, owing to fatigue, stress, depressive thoughts etc.

People talk about depression being caused by being stuck in the past, and anxiety being caused by being worried about the future. So mindfulness helps you live actively in the moment and make active choices ifyswim.

Can you tell I am a convert ?

OP, you actually care very much because you clearly want to change the aspects of yourself you have referred to. Just admitting that to yourself will help you.

The Happiness Project and Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin.

I read this book when it first came out in 1983 and I still refer back to it.

www.amazon.co.uk/Dieting-Makes-You-Geoffrey-Cannon/dp/1905264267?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

By the way, you sound great, OP. 😘

@NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite

OP, you actually care very much because you clearly want to change the aspects of yourself you have referred to. Just admitting that to yourself will help you.

I do really care, I have to sort myself out but it’s like I’m controlling an unruly teenager

I read the chimp paradox a few months ago and that’s it is .... however the chimp is limbering around in a fug of self destruction

@JadesRollerDisco

I always used to read books and not act on them. Now when it says "you need to do this exercise" or "write on your mirror/a post it note/say this out loud" I do it. There and then. When it says "try this in the morning" I don't wait until I have a long empty Saturday morning to do it in my sweet time, I do it the next day in the rush of things. You have to use these books as tools for action not as an excuse for inaction for them to work. And if they ask you to do something and you really can't be arsed? Stop listening and go do something else.

Feel the fear and do it anyway was a revelation for me because at that time I was desperate to stop being so anxious. I was crippled by panic attacks and nightmares and night terrors and felt like I could hardly breath. I would have done anything she asked me to do in those first few pages. I was ready and willing and had the desperation of a rock bottom. I'm not saying there isn't magic in her words, but I had had a revelation type experience before which I did not act on and faded to insignificance. When I read feel the fear and do it anyway, I was open to change. If she had said jump, I'd have asked how high. That's when self help is at its best. You need the willingness. That feeling of discomfort may need to become a glaring emotional boil, or it may be enough to spring you into action. Regardless, it is the action not the Author that makes the book work.

Yes that’s true, it’s action I need

I started the feel the fear book this morning!

I like how to do everything and be happy by peter jones.

The Fast Diet (Michael Mosley) and The Obesity Code (Jason Fung).

I now realise that it's not just simple calories in/calories out that made me fat and unhappy, it was what I was eating and how when/what I ate had an impact. I've since learnt I can stop eating when I'm full, I don't snack compulsively, and I feel better.

In the bad old days I constantly fought food and had a love/hate relationship with it. Much better now! Biggest surprise is that, far from just getting better at self-control, I find I don't generally want sugary crap, and will choose something healthy as a choice. I'd never have believed that was possible before.

The female eunuch