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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if nursery will do a birthday party?

55 replies

Findmeonetsy · 10/09/2020 11:13

First and only child turns 3 in October. Obviously a party (which she is so excited about) is out of the window. AIBU/cheeky to ask if her nursery will do a little ‘party’? Seeing as all her friends are there and it will be safe. Nothing extravagant, obviously.

OP posts:

D4rwin · 10/09/2020 11:21

Hi. Nursery WILL acknowledge the birthday usually by singing and giving a book. But a party might be a stretch. Most ban gifts for friends or sweets. If you donate fruit maybe send something more like toddler crack strawberries or such.

Mamagiraffe · 10/09/2020 11:34

No one can answer this other than the nursery. My children’s nursery are happy to do it, they’ve had loads of “parties” there- pre covid I’d go in with party food and games, now they do it.

Battenburg1978 · 10/09/2020 11:51

We can drop a cake into our nursery and then they do candles / singing happy birthday and all the kids get a piece of cake - definitely ask!

Original poster

Findmeonetsy · 10/09/2020 12:58

Thanks all, I will ask! Wasn’t sure if it was cheeky to ask but seems most do it anyway

OP posts:

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 10/09/2020 13:01

I was able to give them a cake and they did the candles/ sang etc- very cute!

Thehop · 10/09/2020 13:03

We will sing with a cake and share it out

Thisismytimetoshine · 10/09/2020 13:04

I'd imagine they'll be happy to. It's an excellent way to do it in these times, actually.

mocktail · 10/09/2020 13:05

Great idea! You might as well ask.

dentydown · 10/09/2020 13:06

You can drop a cake in (although my little one wanted mini rolls/ cup cakes) the nursery I used would make it their “tea”.

If you want anything like pass the parcel, party bags etc. You might have to ask. (Probably have to do it 3 days in advance or something if they allow it)

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 10/09/2020 13:10

I didn’t do any party bags this year - even if ok with the nursery I didn’t want to piss off any parents

Thehogfatherstolemycurry · 10/09/2020 13:15

I work in a nursery. Parents often send in a cake or sweets that the children have at snack time or when leaving. We mark the day by singing happy birthday but we wouldn't do a full on party with games etc because we would have to then do this for every child forever more.

Original poster

Findmeonetsy · 10/09/2020 19:54

Thank you everyone - I will definitely ask about a cake. Think you’re right about party bags @OnlyFoolsnMothers I don’t want to overstep the mark. I might ask if I can do a pass the parcel with books they can keep at the nursery?? Instead of taking stuff home. Then it is a little game for them as well.

OP posts:

WatchoutfortheROUS · 10/09/2020 19:59

Sorry but YABU I think. Unless they do this for every child (games etc) they shouldn't do it just for one. My DCs preschool would sing happy birthday but that's it. If one child had a "party" all the others would expect it. Slightly odd to ask I think.

Flamingolingo · 10/09/2020 20:01

Mine went all out for DS birthday back in June but that was very soon after they opened so I think they were really excited. And there were tiny numbers of children in at that time. Probably some would allow a cake and some singing

Itsjustabitofbanter · 10/09/2020 20:04

Yabu. If a child’s playing pass the parcel then they’re going to want to keep the prize, a 3 year old isn’t going to want to ‘donate’ it to a nursery. And if they are doing games with prizes then it’s unfair unless every child gets a prize otherwise there’ll be tears and tantrums. I know in my nursery you can’t bring in door from home as there could be an issue with hygiene or allergies. A lot of parents may get upset if their child comes home with birthday cake or party bags brought it fell random parents during a pandemic. Too much to put on a nursery imo

Original poster

Findmeonetsy · 10/09/2020 20:24

@WatchoutfortheROUS why is it it odd to ask? It might be something they consider doing for the children now this new rule has come into force. Who knows. It’s a small nursery.
@Itsjustabitofbanter you make a good point and I hadn’t thought of that.

Back to the drawing board it seems. I am just trying to stick to the rules and find other ways round it. My sister in law has actually just set up her own business as children’s entertainer! They are going to really lose out aren’t they. Wet much done with covid now...

OP posts:

BrieAndChilli · 10/09/2020 20:26

No I don’t think you should ask them to do this. Every child will expect the same and some children’s parents might not do parties, might not be able to afford to send in treats and games and prizes for the whole group etc etc
I think you would be putting the nursery and other parents in an awkward position and would be upsetting children who don’t get the same treatment in the future. They will feel that nursery prefers your child over them or they have been too naughty for a party.
There might be 60 kids in a nursery. That’s about 1 a week! Nursery aren’t going to want to faff around with making a huge deal and party for each child.
You could approach the nursery and see if they could do a monthly ‘birthday’ for all the children who have a birthday in that month?

Thisismytimetoshine · 10/09/2020 20:28

Oh, it's not odd to ask at all . Especially not now, with the current restrictions we're all living with.
They're not guaranteed to say yes, but it's perfectly fine to ask.
Good luck 🤞

Angelina82 · 10/09/2020 20:32

You could explain the situation and ask if they’d be kind enough to acknowledge your child’s birthday by singing Happy Birthday to her, but asking for any more than that would be very cheeky. Just have a small intimate party at home for her.

Pawsin · 10/09/2020 20:34

I'm a nursery nurse, currently we have very strict rules about what can and cannot come into nursery. Eg no toys from home except one comforter, bags staying all week, etc. So although normally we would be happy for parents to bring a cake/sweets in, at this time we wouldn't be able to. Obviously no harm in enquiring as every nursery has different policies currently in place but just a heads up

Spied · 10/09/2020 20:42

I'd not ask. I'd take a cake to share at the very most.
What would happen when it's another child's Birthday and they aren't having a 'party' at nursery with pass the parcel and books? It will be awful for them.
If they do it for one they have to do it for all and it's very unlikely they'll have the resources to do this and I'm sure there will be parents who don't provide things for the nursery to have a party for their child.
I'd not ask.

Original poster

Findmeonetsy · 10/09/2020 20:50

Yes @spied I’d not thought if that side of it, I definitely wouldn’t want to upset anyone.
@Pawsin good to know thank you. I feel so sad for children living through this and missing out.
As I said if she had cousins she could have round I would just do something very small with them but she is the only child in the family. She keeps talking about her friends coming round and having cake - I think she must have got this from the other children at nursery as we have never said this to her! And she didn’t have a party last year as I thought it will do one when she is preschool’

OP posts:

Original poster

Findmeonetsy · 10/09/2020 20:50

I might just mention about birthdays when I drop her off tomorrow and see what they can/can’t do at the moment. And then think of a plan b!

OP posts:

Original poster

Findmeonetsy · 10/09/2020 20:51

‘I will do one when she is in preschool’ that should have said

OP posts:

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 10/09/2020 20:53

@dentydown

You can drop a cake in (although my little one wanted mini rolls/ cup cakes

) the nursery I used would make it their “tea”.

If you want anything like pass the parcel, party bags etc. You might have to ask. (Probably have to do it 3 days in advance or something if they allow it)

mini rolls or cupcakes sound more anti-covid friendly than a large one that's been spat on to blow out the candle

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