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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if nursery will do a birthday party?

55 replies

Findmeonetsy · 10/09/2020 11:13

First and only child turns 3 in October. Obviously a party (which she is so excited about) is out of the window. AIBU/cheeky to ask if her nursery will do a little ‘party’? Seeing as all her friends are there and it will be safe. Nothing extravagant, obviously.

OP posts:

WatchoutfortheROUS · 10/09/2020 21:05

I think it's odd to ask IMO because the nursery are there to cater for the needs of all the children in their care. And making a fuss of my child's birthday but not then doing the same for others is not something I would even think of asking them to do. Nursery is not really the place to celebrate a birthday (beyond singing happy birthday etc) that's for family at home. But I appreciate that's just my IMO.

katmarie · 10/09/2020 21:22

I get why you want to do this OP, I have birthdays coming up for both my kids in the next few months and normal celebrations are looking impossible. Last year I sent the bottom tier of DS's birthday cake into nursery the monday after his 2nd birthday. His auntie made him a rather amazing two layer cake, and there was no way we could eat it all, the nursery staff shared it out among the kids in his group (and most of the staff too I think). But I don't know if we will even be able to do that this year. It sucks tbh.

BigBlondeBimbo · 10/09/2020 21:26

A child at my dc1's nursery had a party there. The full works, with an entertainer and party bags etc. Social distancing wasn't even 'a thing' then, so maybe you couldn't do all of it, but I have heard of kids entertainers doing zoom parties at the moment. My nephew went to one recently via zoom with a zoom princess elsa entertainer. Worth a go maybe. DC's nursery loved hosting the party for the child I mentioned. It was a bit of an event for everyone.

GrumpyHoonMain · 10/09/2020 21:28

My nursery doesn’t accept food but are willing to bake cakes / arrange simple parties for a fee (£100 but discounted for people on benefits) under the current circumstances if you give plenty of notice. My baby room manager said it’s an easy way to earn a bit extra during Covid.

Lougle · 10/09/2020 21:31

I can't imagine pass the parcel being a good game under Covid guidelines. I also can't imagine Nursery wanting to take responsibility for handing out something that has come from a home (ie. party bags).

WonderTweek · 10/09/2020 21:41

Our nursery do a little do for all kids. Their chef always makes a mini cake and the kids sing and the staff generally make a bit of a fuss of the birthday child that day. I didn't ask for anything special when my son turned 3 and I was positively surprised when I heard that they did something for him. We're not allowed to bring any food to nursery because of severe allergies, but they are lucky to have a great on-site chef who can whip up a quick cake if needed.

I would ask and see if there's anything they can do.

Ohtherewearethen · 10/09/2020 21:41

I'm really surprised that you think it's appropriate to ask the nursery staff to put on a party for your child. Even during non-covid times I think it's a strange request. Singing happy birthday and sharing some sweets/cakes is of course ok, but expecting them to facilitate party games, etc is ridiculous!

GoldenPoppy · 10/09/2020 21:46

Our nursery will not accept cakes at all due to door allergies/intolerance.
Pass the parcel would involve all of the children touching the parcel.
Even singing happy birthday wouldnt be allowed as singing projects breath more.

DinoTeam · 10/09/2020 21:46

My daughter turns 3 in October too .

They get a homemade card and cake on birthdays. I probably wouldn’t ask them for a party as I don’t think they’d be able to do it for one child and not the rest. Chances are they will do something small and nice anyway.

Ohtherewearethen · 10/09/2020 21:47

I would ask and see if there's anything they can do.

Would you? I think that it is up to the parents to celebrate their child's birthday. Would you honestly go in to nursery and ask what they can do to celebrate your child's birthday? To make them more special than any other child there? There could be two or three birthdays a week, do you really believe the staff have nothing better to do than 'see what they can do' for each child's birthday?! They are not party organisers, they are educaters. They shouldn't have to go beyond singing happy birthday and giving out sweets for children on their birthdays.

Original poster

Findmeonetsy · 10/09/2020 22:18

I’m not sure if the Singh t happy birthday comment and more breathe was a joke?!

Seems to be a big divide with this, and very dependent upon the nurseries. My nursery do lots of extracurricular things so I suppose to me, it doesn’t seem that odd to ask. I am not suggesting they do it for my dd and not other children. It’s a definite no on pass the parcel or party bags anyway. I’m sure when she turns 4 I’ll be asking myself why I was stressing when I have all these things to organise

OP posts:

Original poster

Findmeonetsy · 10/09/2020 22:18

Singing*

OP posts:

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 10/09/2020 22:24

I find this a really bizarre thing to ask! Mine are teenagers now so maybe things have changed but I find it really weird parents think nursery are there to put on parties for their children. They'd be partying every other day if every parent wanted to do this for their child. Yes to a cake or a packet of sweets for each child but an actual party?

It's very unlikely your child will remember their 3rd birthday anyway

GoldenPoppy · 10/09/2020 22:32

Not a joke at all, I'm a nursery nurse for a large chain. Singing is banned for this reason.

Beach11 · 10/09/2020 22:44

My dc had a lockdown birthday at nursery. DC’s nursery made a fuss of all the lockdown birthdays. They made a birthday cake, party games, dancing & a card with all hand prints of the children in.
They wouldn’t take any shop bought or home made Cakes due the allergy risks.
Dc still talks the parties

notforonesecond · 10/09/2020 22:50

I did this, sort of.

My eldest turned 4 last month and her birthday was her last day at nursery. We’re also in an area that briefly had some local lockdown restrictions imposed a few days beforehand which meant we couldn’t have a little party in the garden with my parents or anything.

So I sent a cake in and asked nursery if they would mind making a bit of an extra fuss of her. Not a party, but just something to make her feel special.

They did a little party tea for all the kids and sang to her, played musical statues (like they often do anyway) - nothing crazy or anything to make the other kids feel hard done by (not that they even think like that at 3/4yo tbh) but enough that she came away talking about her “party”

I thought it was really nice of them.

WonderTweek · 10/09/2020 23:00

@Ohtherewearethen Gosh. I only meant it wouldn't hurt to ask if they could sing happy birthday or something. Our nursery do this for all children anyway so I thought it wouldn't be that outrageous. Guess we got lucky with ours.

Caterina99 · 11/09/2020 00:22

Ours (in normal times) allow you to send in cupcakes or something small for the kids to share, and I assume they sing happy birthday and they give them a little gift (always a book. On my second DC now at same nursery). Food has to be shop bought with the ingredients obvious for allergies.

I’m not sure what they do now with Covid. But my DD is also 3 in October

Torvean32 · 11/09/2020 01:10

Pre Covid the nursery would put up a birthday banner. A card was given from the staff and at snack time there would be a cake ( provided by parent) and kids would sing happy birthday.

Games were not done and no parent ever asked for it. With 40 kids its just not possible. The nursery has a curriculum to and the staff ate not just there to play.

Hopefully the staff can mention it even if its a few minutes at circle time. Nurseries seem to vary on cakes brought from home.

HamRadio · 11/09/2020 01:12

Aw our nursery did birthday parties. We would hand in a cake and they’d do some dancing and party games. The ladies used to love it. It passed an afternoon and the kids loved it.

HamRadio · 11/09/2020 01:14

Banning singing in a nursery is grim af.

Monkeynuts18 · 11/09/2020 05:35

Of course it’s fine to ask. They can say no can’t they?!

Our nursery did something for our son’s birthday in July. It wasn’t a full on party obviously but we provided a cake and candles and they sang happy birthday, shared the cake around and played some party games.

It’s a small nursery like your son’s, I can see why a big one might not be able to manage it.

But either way there’s zero harm in asking! They can at least sing happy birthday can’t they?!

FelicityPike · 11/09/2020 05:44

They’re not allowed to sing anymore because of COVID.

Pawsin · 11/09/2020 06:31

We're still singing at my nursery! Haven't heard of any nurseries banning it around me. Thats really sad if some are, I can't imagine not having any singing at all.

Monkeynuts18 · 11/09/2020 06:53

Yeah my son’s nursery are definitely still singing. Haven’t seen anything in the government guidelines for nurseries about not singing.

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