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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Using surname initial to distinguish between two children with almost same name - almost!

302 replies

NewLookings · 10/09/2020 10:51

Am I being very precious about this? My child has just started big school and is one of two children with a name that is pronounced the same but spelled differently.

I get that verbally they will need to be distinguished by their surname eg Bob A and Bob B. But when written down, is it really necessary? This is not the name but is a close likeness:

Juliet
Juliette

In everything, I have noticed my child’s is referred to as Juliet A and the other Juliette B. Surely this isn’t needed? Her tray, her work on the wall, her name on the class whatsapp group etc etc always with the surname initial.

I KNOW I’m being a bit precious. I know this. And yes, I’m disappointed there’s another one as it’s not a very common name.

AIBU to think there is a difference here because of the different spelling?

OP posts:
rottiemum88 · 10/09/2020 12:37

how could it possibly matter? They are using the first letter of her surname, not a randomly assigned one

This.

I just don't get the issue to be honest OP. I was the child in this scenario when I started high school many years ago. In a year group of 300 they managed to put three of us in a form class of 30 with the same first name (we also happened to be the only 3 with that name in the year, so either bad luck or poor planning, who knows). We all naturally became known by our first name and first letter of our surname, even though my first name in this scenario was spelt slightly differently to the other two. I'm fairly confident in saying it did no lasting psychological damage, so I'm sure your DD will be fine Confused

BostonFernGreen · 10/09/2020 12:38

There might be practical reasons you don't know about. The other child might have an allergy or emergency medication which requires labelling in a certain way.

I feel like you'd be the first person to complain if the teacher made a mistake and confused the two children but that might be a bit unfair on you.

It isn't about one teacher bothering to learn the spellings, it's about maintaining a foolproof system to identify and keep track of young children.

Imagine in a fire shouting out the different spellings of the names.

BadgersBum · 10/09/2020 12:40

My son has a name which I presumed would be at least fairly common - traditional, biblical (but not weird biblical). However, throughout nursery and 3 schools so far we've not encountered another one, and yet I still put his first name and Surname initial on everything at the beginning of the year!

Also, as the owner of a not exactly common name myself, I can only say that the school will be so thankful the children have learned to put the initial after the name because the first names will probably be spelled in ways you've never even imagined when it comes to Christmas cards!

rooarsome · 10/09/2020 12:41

No real names used here but- My daughter is Ava A and there's a girl in her class known as Eva B. It genuinely doesn't annoy me one iota. My son also has a fairly popular name and since nursery has been called the full "Adam Smith"

BearSoFair · 10/09/2020 12:42

Agree with everyone saying it's continuity. If everyone is hearing her referred to as 'Juliet A' it's just easier to have that for written work as well.

DS1 is a Lucas. His primary class also had a Luke. DS never went by Luke and Luke never went by Lucas (not even sure if he was a Lucas) but their trays, books, pegs etc still said 'Lucas B' and 'Luke H'

chickenortheegg · 10/09/2020 12:43

My son was in a class with Oliver A, Oliver B and Oliver A-B which must have been tough for the adults.

The same class also had 2 boys called Thomas S and one of them ended up being called Tom S to make things easier. Apparently the school randomly asked one of the boys how they'd like their name shortened and stuck with it until end of y6

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 10/09/2020 12:45

My first name has a few different spellings and there were a few of us in the same class at school. We were always name/first initial.

We have a similar situation at work and use the same system. I really don't see what the problem is! If DD is like me she'll have to go through life correcting the spelling of her name so using the first initial will be the least of her worries!

motherscare · 10/09/2020 12:48

@TinyTear

At least is not boy Noah and girl Noa as I saw in a class list... but one of them left so the issue stopped
That's my son's class! How weird (and weirder if that's not the only class that had that exact situation).
katy1213 · 10/09/2020 12:48

That poor child - she'll be in therapy for years!

movingonup20 · 10/09/2020 12:48

Don't sweat the small stuff - the kids may adopt shortenings, nicknames etc, it's just to help the teachers! We had 6 Alex's! 1 female, 5 male. One went by Alexander, female went by Alex, one had a nickname, other 3 went by last name.

viques · 10/09/2020 12:49

[quote honeygirlz]@viques not sure what that means? Were they referring to both boys as 2A? Why?![/quote]
One was spelled with 2 As. And was incidentally a bit of a pain. Hence the answer to a question such as "well which A-Mir said that /did that to you? " would often elicit the response "2A A-Mir". Which then got contracted to Tuay. Which he answered to eg " I'd like Tuay to explain how he and Amir worked out their solution." And which his parents used "Sorry miss, my mum says have you got Tuays book bag?".

seayork2020 · 10/09/2020 12:52

You asked and some, including me, think you are being unreasonable yet you are trying to convince us otherwise- i have to ask why did you ask in the first place?

MsEllany · 10/09/2020 12:56

You’re being utterly precious and over the top. They’re not doing it for you. Presumably you know which child is yours. They’re doing it for the benefit of the staff and pupils. Sure sometimes it might not be needed. But it’s always better to reinforce for primary school children.

Fink · 10/09/2020 12:58

Massive over-reaction.

Could be much worse. There are two children in our Year 6's class with the same sounding name, different spellings. Their trays etc. are labelled without surnames, can't fault the staff, but universally every other child in the year group calls them 'Old N' and 'New N', because New N started at the school in Year 3 and Old N had been there since Reception.

a) the kid's not even new anymore, she's been there three years! It's like those villages where you have to have lived there for at least 5 generations to be considered a local.

b) It just winds me up that it's always used, as though it were actually their name. Like even then when you don't need to distinguish between the two.

I really hope they get to drop it at secondary, but the majority of kids from the primary go to the same secondary so they might end up taking it with them.

I'm just glad they don't seem to have come up with anything based on the fact that another two kids with the same name/different spelling are the biggest and smallest in the year group, by both height and weight, by quite a long way.

FippertyGibbett · 10/09/2020 12:59

There is another woman at work with the same first name as me. We are known as our first name with the initial of our surname.
It’s not a problem.

viques · 10/09/2020 12:59

@WhoAmIWhoAreYou

I have an isobel & I would think it would be unreasonable if they did this with an Isabelle in her class. No need for it if spelt differently! YADNBU
No need at all. So you won't get at all annoyed when her birthday party invitations and Christmas cards get handed over to Isabelle and her artwork is credited to the other one and Isobel gets upset because the TA has written the wrong spelling on her star of the week certificate and the school play programme credits the other Isabelle as the lead.
Fink · 10/09/2020 13:03

@viques, Terry Pratchett does something similar with some characters in a Discworld novel. The man has two sons, both named after himself, so he calls them 2A and 2B to distinguish between them. And obviously causes a lot of puns.

viques · 10/09/2020 13:04

I am trying to remember how the Four Marys in Bunty coped with this dilemma. I rember that one of them always seemed to be referenced somewhat disparagingly as the scholarship girl, (though I thought it was something to be admired ) but I can't remember how they were distinguished.

namechangetheworld · 10/09/2020 13:08

Why does it matter though? What negative inpact could this possibly have on your DD's school experience?

I was one of three Saras and three Sarahs in a class of 30. We were all known by our last names. It hasn't affected me in the slightest. Hopefully your DD isn't quite as precious as you are.

MorganKitten · 10/09/2020 13:09

@TheNewLook

You seem like one of the parents that never understands that wrangling 30+ kids does not happen instantly!

Not at all. From a teaching family and fully understand what goes on a classroom, thank you.

There are 16 children in the class

Then you’ll understand why the teacher is doing it, and this post isn’t needed.
MolyHolyGuacamole · 10/09/2020 13:11

Awwww is is Isabelle/Isabel/Isobel/Ysabel? 😂 now I just want to guess the name

BikeRunSki · 10/09/2020 13:12

DD is in this position and has been for 4 years. Amy B, Aimee C. The girls in question don’t mind, because it means they don’t get mixed up, I don’t mind and it helps all the adults involved, I really don’t see the problem.

lottiegarbanzo · 10/09/2020 13:13

This thread provides a lot of evidence that people who can spell easily, are simply unaware that many, many people cannot spell, do not remember words visually and will not just 'learn to spell' your darling's name correctly, to please you.

nicknamehelp · 10/09/2020 13:20

This method of di0stinguishing kids with same name for years. Think your issue is u picked what i thought was a unique name and its not. In the grand scheme of things does it really matter if a A is added to 1st name? Will of been added to art work so they know which kid to give it to to take home or there will be another thread on art work being mixed up.

MrsCakeTheMedium · 10/09/2020 13:21

Seven pages later and I'm still completely baffled as to why this is an issue.