Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To insist my nearly 15 year old son stops playing on Xbox at 9pm on school night.

71 replies

Decoqueen · 10/09/2020 09:47

Just that really. He's got into bad habits through lock down and summer hols. Our fault as parents as well as his.

Would be really grateful to hear from people with similar age teenagers, and what time they are expected to 'switch off'.

Have told him 9 pm. He's got the roof. ALL his friends play 'later'.

OP posts:
Took · 10/09/2020 15:42

My 15 year old is off at 9pm too. Phone is put in my room then too.

He wants to stay on both half the night! I think it's important to give him space away from friends too actually.
That might sound weird but this whole being in contact with friends 24/7 cant be good for them. Teenage dramas can seem huge and they need to switch off from it all for just a few hours at least and not have messages flying about who said what etc. Plus boredom kicks in and he'll get his homework done or actually read a book! 😱

Weekends are much more relaxed and school holidays even more so. I'm just 'soooo strict and no-one else's parents are like this' during school time.

Redcups64 · 10/09/2020 15:44

I would say 9pm and expect it to be negotiated to 9:45 or 10pm, wouldn’t let it go beyond 10. Only if he negotiated it though, I wouldn’t just offer it.

RedHelenB · 10/09/2020 15:47

If he's not too tired for school.id leave it up to him. My sons 13 and he goes to bed when he's tired. Stopped with specific bedtimes when DC left primary.

Lockdownseperation · 10/09/2020 15:50

I left teaching two years ago. I could easily tell which kids were on computer games/phones all night. They were tired, unhappy and didn’t meet their results potential.

AngelNova · 10/09/2020 15:52

I am not surprised he hit the roof, he is 15 not 8!

dayswithaY · 10/09/2020 15:54

My children were banned from gaming in the week and all mobiles had to be used downstairs and turned off before bed. They were, of course, the only children in the world who were made to do this.

Blueringedoctopus · 10/09/2020 15:58

My 13 y.o is off by 7pm unless he's playing in a tournament. Xbox is downstairs and nobody has TVs or phones in their rooms (including me and DH). What a horrible parent I am 😁. 15 y.o not into gaming as much but has to be off phone to friends by 10pm at the latest.

Valkadin · 10/09/2020 16:03

I game so am not anti gaming in the slightest. When DS was that age he could game straight after school till dinner which was at 7. Then no gaming after dinner. Plus no consoles in the bedroom .

averythinline · 10/09/2020 16:10

Usually 8ish here although just back at school and bus times changed and no homework yet...
Back from school seems to be 530..snack homework dinner gaming a bit or maybe gaming pre dinner or activity has cadets/music...
It takes a while for him to wind down from gaming and is up at 630 so not too late... lights out 10at the latest..

Its gcse year and gaming may just be weekends by Xmas...

I fear we are raising such a dull generation....most of DS friends that aren't really good at sport or are made to do music do little except game . . And the current situation has restricted opportunities even more :(

laudete · 10/09/2020 16:11

It doesn't matter what time his friends stop gaming and/or go to sleep. It only matters how much time he needs to sleep every night. Whether you're being reasonable or not depends on whether he needs a lot of sleep or not. (You can always tell by how they act in the morning.) Not every child needs the same amount of sleep. If one of his friends is bouncy on 6 or 7 hours sleep and he's a grouch if he doesn't get 8 or 9 hours sleep then it sucks to be him but he's not his friend's clone.

ChloeCrocodile · 10/09/2020 16:18

Teenagers need a lot of sleep. I wouldn't be inclined to budge if his response is to hit the roof. Sounds like he is struggling to control his temper - definitely a sign of tiredness Grin

TheSunIsStillShining · 10/09/2020 16:21

10pm. and we are unreasonable and harsh parents

sunset900 · 10/09/2020 16:30

My year 9 DS has lights out at 9.45, how he structures his evening up to then is up to him. As long as he is doing his chores, showering and getting his homework done I don't get involved. I think time management is a valuable skill they need to have chance to develop.

WitchesNStuff · 10/09/2020 16:43

I agree with @Friendsoftheearth I guess a generally good routine means that kids will not be pushing the limits and going to bed at stupid hours.

My 14 yo definitely doesn't need 9/10 hours a night, he plays loads of sport and does at least an hour of music practice a night then does whatever he likes, he's never needed as much sleep as my 12 yo, he needs around 9 hours. Adults are very different if you think about it, my DH only needs 5/6 hours tops, I need 6.5/7.

I reckon DS1 asleep about 11pm most nights, gets up about 7. At weekends probably later but he rarely needs to be up before 830/9am at a weekend, sometimes later.

Snackasaurus · 10/09/2020 19:51

You're the parent so you make the rules. 9pm is more than reasonable. If he continues to 'hit the roof', I'd give him 2 options; he comes off at 9pm or he doesn't go on at all.

Original poster
Decoqueen · 10/09/2020 20:20

Thanks all. Some really interesting responses. Having read them I think we're somewhere in the middle re times. The way he goes on I thought you were all going to say IABU! It's really helped to get your input. Cheers!

OP posts:
Friendsoftheearth · 10/09/2020 20:25

One thing I have learnt to my detriment, you give an inch, they take a mile, so from now on I am starting mm and work from there Grin

Signed unreasonable harsh parent of teens

WiddlinDiddlin · 10/09/2020 20:32

There's always going to be kids allowed to stay up later and kids in different time zones playing at what is a later hour for him...

Tough titties really, if he needs time to wind down after gaming then thats what he needs.

Up to you if you let him choose his times, on provision of homework being done first and him getting himself out of bed on time, grades not slipping etc etc, or you keep enforcing it yourself, but the 'other people are on later' argument is bullshit - I could find people to game with 24/7 if I wanted, he needs to organise his gaming with his friends to fall within the time frame he has, he'll have to when he has a job to go to!

Flashinggreen · 10/09/2020 20:36

I’m trying to enforce 9pm here to give him enough screen free time before bed.

Pringlemonster · 10/09/2020 20:52

My eldest 3 ,never had a bedtime, or a time to turn it of ,we all just headed up whenever .everyone did their thing
They are all early 20s now and know how to manage their time ,i suppose if I had done it for them ,they wouldn’t.
I’m quite relaxed
One is now at uni .
One a teacher
One at college

ElleEmDee · 10/09/2020 22:37

Maybe sit down and negotiate with him. What does he think is a reasonable time? You can both discuss your views then come to a mutually agreeable time. Then he has ownership of the decision and is less likely to blow through the curfew. I’ve found this works better with my teen son rather than a flat out authoritarian decision on my part.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page