To insist my nearly 15 year old son stops playing on Xbox at 9pm on school night.

[Decoqueen]

Just that really. He's got into bad habits through lock down and summer hols. Our fault as parents as well as his.

Would be really grateful to hear from people with similar age teenagers, and what time they are expected to 'switch off'.

Have told him 9 pm. He's got the roof. ALL his friends play 'later'.

Absolutely no way would my 15 year old be gaming etc on a school night after 9pm. It is their GCSE year, and every day counts, especially given the loss of education already!

What do they do after 9pm?

By the age of 15 I didn't control what any of mine did with their free time. DD used to go out with friends until 10pm and DS was gaming either on PlayStation or PC. We have a midnight house rule for the Wi-Fi going off and they were expected to be in bed no later than that but I didn't stop them enjoying their evenings. DD would come home, shower and be in bed by 10:30pm and DS went to bed as soon as we switched the Wi-Fi off, he isn't much of a sleeper!

road After 9pm they read kindles in bed and are relaxing.

After they get home, they have a shower/bath, chat to us - we have dinner, pack their bags and organise sports kit for the following day - finish their homework, chat to a friend or group of friends for a little while/gaming. There is no time for anything else. They are flat out with revision.

9pm phones are downstairs and charging, and they are in their rooms relaxing and unwinding. Eldest dd does a bedtime mindfulness and yoga routine, youngest prefers to potter in her room for a little bit before they are asleep. Both are always asleep before 10pm or around 10pm and are knackered beyond belief. It really does work for us. They wake up chirpy and ready for the day. Midnight would be too late, as they are both up by 6.45am so that would be nowhere near enough sleep for a teen or even an adult.

For @Pashola and anyone else’s bothering with gathering controllers etc, I’d recommend downloading the Microsoft family safety app. You can control how many hours each day they’re on it, on what games and set hours. I block it entirely during the week but they can request time so I might give them an hour or two extra if I’m feeling generous.

Also the Family Link app is good for Android phones. Can apply same controls and also track their movements when they’re out.

Holidays we are much more relaxed and they can drop their phones to us before 10pm and then read, and weekends are the same.

The switch from lockdown and to school life was always going to be hard for them I think.

Yanbu imo. If mine said 'everyone else x' I just shrugged.

My yr 10 nearly 15yo comes off the Xbox at 9pm when I go up to get ready for bed. Luckily for us the Xbox is in the playroom and not his bedroom.

He then gets himself ready for bed and spends time on his phone or VR.

We used to get him to bring his phone downstairs at about 10.30pm, however this has slipped over the holidays/LD and for now he keeps it in his bedroom. However the first time he is caught using it in the early hours it will go downstairs.

He has to get up at 6.30 and so really needs to be in bed by 11pm.

So OP whatever his mates do, YANBU!

That's our limit too. 9pm end apart from Friday & Saturday, no devices upstairs.
No discussion.

My year 10, just turned 14, has lights off at 10.30pm. It's up to him what he does before then. So long as all his chores are done and he's doing ok at school, I believe he should get to choose what he does with his time himself.

9 is reasonable and the compromise comes from later at the weekend

Mine is 13.5 and he has to be off by 8pm ish - I'm flexible up to about 8.30. And I expect homework to be done.

pas high stakes choice on letting him stay up to 2am and choosing to turn it off himself, particularly as it sounds like a low level addiction -how is ever going to be able to function or doing anything well at school the following day?

He's just about to turn 16. He doesn't play it all day, he often doesn't get on until the evening after he finishes work and He doesn't play the Xbox until early mornings, but he is usually looking at his phone. It's also not every night.
He also can't see his friends at the moment due to our lockdown so it's his only interaction with them as we are also 'remote learning/homeschooling' (in Australia)

To be clear, We're not impressed, but he asked to be treated more maturely and to show us he can handle his time management so we're letting him prove it, he has to be up for school or it all gets taken out.

We have the same curfew for DS 14. DH has rigged his xbox and gaming computer so they go off at 9pm on a school night and 11pm at weekends.
There is some complex negotiations currently underway involving DS getting excellent scores in his school report in November that could push the week time switch off to 10pm, but let's see

Yr9 ds has to come off Xbox for dinner at 7pm. No phones after 9pm. He’s never complained.

He watches tv with us in the evening and is in bed for 930 reading. I can’t imagine being able to stand the noise of him on a multiplayer game with his friends during the evening. We’ve a small house with thin walls so maybe that’s influencing our rules!

pas my dc also almost 16, it is your choice what is right for your son and family and if you are happy for him to play to 2am - but I would be worried that getting up for school exhausted every morning is very different from excelling at school and feeling well every day.
Anyone can drag themselves out of bed if they have to, but what happens after that? Just crawling through the day, under performing.

At this age they need to start considering careers and the next stage, childhood is almost over. Their chances of a good and solid career and security will be greatly reduced with low exam results and their options narrow, this is just a few months away for most of them. So I don't think now is the time to experiment with 2am gaming personally, but that is just my view, and it might work for you and your ds. Or maybe he has a successful family business to walk straight into and grades are unimportant. Everyone is different, but I would think 4/5 hours sleep is much too little for a boy of his age.

Both mine (ds14/yr10 & ds13/yr 8) are 8.30pm on school nights and 10pm on non school nights.
When they are gaming they are rather loud and very excitable. I put up with the noise throughout the day or afternoon but it gets to a point where i have had enough of listening to them and want to unwind myself. As I go to bed early this is our compromise. They complain bitterly but it’s not going to change.

My 14 year old has to be off pc by 10.30 and bed at 11. He complains

YABU. 9pm is early to me, considering he doesn’t have to be in bed for 10:30pm. And not everyone needs 8 hours sleep minimum. I know that amount is bandied about as the ‘right’ amount but it’s been only a handful of times I’ve slept for a full 8 hours solid, even as a teenager.

Oh, I missed the part about wanting responses to those with teenagers. That ^ was just anecdotal

My son is off all devices by 7.30pm latest. A couple of his friends are allowed to use them later but mostly they aren’t. He finds it very difficult to wind down after playing video games and he needs to be asleep by 9.30 as he is up early for school and has a long cycle each way, so no way would I let him have unlimited access. He is not mature enough to prioritise school/music practice/exercise/sleep etc appropriately. Hopefully that will change but for the time being, I’d rather be made a success of his GCSEs.

9pm does sound very early for a nearly 15 year old. For my boys, it is their sociable and relaxing time. They do homework after tea and once that's done, the rest of the evening is their own, up to bedtime.

9pm seems really early for a 15 yo.

Teenagers of that age should be able to self regulate or at the very least be trying to. My 14 yo DS manages his screen time and bed time himself, we are night owls and have never gone up to bed and found him on the PS4 at midnight for instance. Often he is only getting home from activities about 830/9 so I cant imagine imposing something like that on him.

Each to their own i guess but teaching independence and self regulation is really important IMO.

9.30 pm then 10.30pm bedtime for yr11 15 yo DS. He kicks off and says everyone is allowed later, but from my own straw poll of football team parents, that’s about right.
It’s a constant source of conflict though. I’m taking his phone off him too at 10.30pm as he’s been on it until 12.35 am meaning he makes us all late in the morning as he can’t get up. Time to get strict.

If they can't be trusted then I would absolutely take their phones away though. Neither of mine push the boundaries at all, they are fully aware of what activities they have on the following day and that they need to sleep etc, they make the decision on what time they go to sleep. They are good at doing homework, music practice, sport etc. If it ever changes then we will be stricter with them.

. I've removed the PS4 completely until the weekends. He's not amused, but I don't care. He's had virtually unrestricted access during lockdown, now it's time to start as we mean to go on.
It's GCSE time 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all because too much time on screens isn't healthy... but at 15 I was out on the piss a few nights a week so I'm not sure I should offer any advice.

citizen Study after study has stated shown that teenagers need between 8-10 hours sleep each night.

kidshealth.org/en/teens/how-much-sleep.html

You may not need it personally, but it may have a detrimental impact on your teen's health and well being. My dc have between 9/10 hours depending on the how much sport they have been doing. I don't think they could cope with under 8 hours sleep regularly.

Learning to regulate comes from good modelling and how they are raised. Dc go to bed around 10pm even at weekends unless we are doing something special, because they are tired and ready.

I don't even need to ask them to leave their phones downstairs now, they themselves tell me the benefits of relaxing before sleep (having been kept awake wired and not able to sleep after too much screen time right before bed) They don't like being tired, or unable to sleep. They don't enjoy being grumpy and knackered the next day, so they have learnt themselves the negatives of late night screens and disrupted sleep patterns. That is regulation encouraged by good sleep routines.