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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

... to say my friend who works in Bolton can't stay in our lounge?

43 replies

KitchenIslandKim · 09/09/2020 11:21

Hello,

My friend is working in a customer-facing role in Bolton, an area which, in case you're unaware, has staggeringly high Covid infection rates. She needs a place to stay and has asked if she can sleep on the sofa in our lounge. Ordinarily I would let her stay for a night or two, but I am afraid about her infecting me and my DS + DD. DH is away on business, so this decision is entirely mine to make. My friend seems offended at my reluctance to say yes, saying she has 'no intention' of catching coronavirus herself, but I wonder whether this is too big a risk to take? DD1, DD2, DD3, DS1 and DS2 have all just returned to school and I would hate for them to get infected and for all of their bubbles to have to go home (mortifying at the school gate!). My friend has pointed out that we were quite happy to let my MIL stay on our sofa last weekend, and has implied that I am being precious about her sullying our sofa (brand new, velvet, an investment). I am not bothered about this - we have plenty of sleeping bags, but my main concern is the possibility of infection. Also, our en-suite is currently undergoing a renovation, so we only have two working bathrooms and I do worry we'll get under each other's feet in the morning. But yes, it's mainly the infection risk that is bothering me. AIBU?

OP posts:

Buttercupsandroses · 09/09/2020 11:23

Op I think your right to not have her stay if she is in a high infection area

mummmy2017 · 09/09/2020 11:24

A friend will not guilty you into letting them stay.

TellingBone · 09/09/2020 11:24

Your friend's attitude to your reluctance would automatically rule them out for me.

AriesTheRam · 09/09/2020 11:26

Why does she need a place to stay? Id risk it if DV situation or similar but not if she in the area and can't be arsed to book a hotel

lanthanum · 09/09/2020 11:26

It would be one thing if you had a spare room, and she could largely be keeping herself to herself in there, but sleeping in your lounge is pretty disruptive for you and your kids, and does make the risk of passing on any infection rather greater. Nobody who has caught it had any intention of doing so.

ImaginaryCat · 09/09/2020 11:26

Oh what a hoot.. she has no intention of catching it... well bully for her. For what it's worth, I'm not actively going out trying to catch it either. Does she want a medal for that?
She sounds a bit of a knob, based on that statement alone, never mind her refusal to acknowledge your perfectly rational reason for saying no.

Sexnotgender · 09/09/2020 11:28

@TellingBone

Your friend's attitude to your reluctance would automatically rule them out for me.

This.

No intention of catching the virus 😂 I wasn’t aware that was how it worked? We can just opt out?

Tell her to bugger off.

Wheresthebiffer2 · 09/09/2020 11:28

She needs to book a night in a Hotel. That's what my OH is doing for his next trip to Glasgow (also in covid hotspot).

WellHighThereNeighbour · 09/09/2020 11:29

5 kids? Plus you? That's already 6 :) as per new rules issued last night, you're at capacity - what a conveniently timed excuse!

I'm with you though, I'd be saying no sorry. Not worth the risk.

Timeforabiscuit · 09/09/2020 11:29

Nope! Ask her if she's going to home school your kids if they catch a cough off her?

EscapeTheCastle · 09/09/2020 11:30

New covid rules aside no one would be sleeping on my new velvet sofa! Interior design first!

CarrieFour · 09/09/2020 11:31

Blame the new rules.

Already 6 of you at your house so you aren't allowed anyone else.

But for what it's worth she's the one being the asshole here.

NearlyGranny · 09/09/2020 11:31

Nup. Not from a high risk area. Not occupying your sitting room and complicating morning and evening routines. Not on your gorgeous new sofa. Not when there:s only one bathroom. And definitely not adding an extra risk when you have so many already.

Finally, if she's getting sniffy and snarky about your reasons, she's not a nice person in the first place, but a full-blown CF. 😉

Sexnotgender · 09/09/2020 11:33

I will say YABU to buy a velvet sofa though😂

Thisisnotnormal69 · 09/09/2020 11:36

Can you imagine the stress having to quarantine all the kids and keep them all off school all because she got a bit of a cough? It’s not worth it.

TDMN · 09/09/2020 11:48

Not being funny but she's not much of a friend if she asks you for a favour knowing full well that its risky and then gives you attitude and comments on you being 'precious', does she seriously think being a dick is going to bully you into letting her stay?

movingonup20 · 09/09/2020 11:51

Depends on the reason. If she's homeless or fleeing domestic violence it's very different to stopping half way to her holiday destination!

Motoko · 09/09/2020 11:55

Not much of a friend is she? She also seems a bit thick, does she think that people intentionally went out and caught the virus?

Just say no, and if she has a tantrum about it, block and ignore her.

nibdedibble · 09/09/2020 11:56

YANBU. She should not be asking you.

emmathedilemma · 09/09/2020 11:57

Where does you both live? Households in Bolton and other Greater Manchester local authorities aren't allowed to mix indoors anyway, but if she just works there that doesn't apply because of that (although I can appreciate your concern about allowing her to stay).
If there's already 5 kids and yourself then that's 6 people and unless she's a single person and forms a bubble with your household then based on last night's ruling she can't stay. It's now law not guidance.
So there's potentially 2 reasons although as @movingonup20 says if she's suddenly become homeless or fleeing domestic violence I would probably take a slightly different stance on the matter ;)

FiveShelties · 09/09/2020 12:00

sullying your sofa? Brand new, velvet, an investment.

Too funny - everyone knows that velvet sofa are an investment

ivegonegreyfindingausername · 09/09/2020 12:11

No I wouldn't allow her to stay.
I have friends who live in a small village and haven't seen them in person through this whole pandemic. We are more at risk due to living in a large city (currently with additional measures) and would not risk going and potentially passing over the virus. Too many people are asymptomatic and too many people are complacent about catching it. I'll admit it didn't seem as bad till I knew someone who got it.

HandfulofDust · 09/09/2020 12:14

She sounds very entitled to be guilting you into having her stay. I'd be more sympathetic if she was genuinely desperate and understood your quandry. I'd say no as it's just too much hassle and she sounds ungrateful.

Cocomarine · 09/09/2020 12:18

“We only have 2 working bathrooms”

The horror 😱

And yes, I clocked that you have 5 kids, 6 in the house. I grew up in a 7, with a bathroom with no shower and a loo, and very happily for us a second loo too. It was never a problem. Not in a 4 Yorkshiremen way, just - 2 working bathrooms really is plenty.

So no on infection risk if you like - but don’t tell it’s because you “only” have 2 bathrooms 🤣

Cocomarine · 09/09/2020 12:19

I’m looking for good investment opportunities whilst the stock market is scary. Are velvet sofas the new wine / paintings / watches / fast cars?

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