Swore in front of toddler

[AshamedToddlerMum]

I know I was unreasonable! Feeling really low and awful this morning. I said 'ffs'in front of my 16mo when he wouldn't get into the carseat and I was in a rush. His behaviour has suddenly got quite challenging, I think it is a combination of becoming a toddler and teething but it has come as a shock and I am finding it hard to adjust! Temper tantrums, back arching, shouting at every little thing. Waking in the night again too. It's been hard without baby groups, softplay and and limited playdates and he seems quite frustrated at home. Husband being kind but I know he'd never have done that.

Feeling like an awful mother and that I've let him down.

@SBTLove likewise on the disagreeing front.

Ok these responses are making me feel better. Thank you!

Move past this, it does happen to even angelic parents. I am a more patient person since having children. This is not some brag about how everyone has to be or the like, it's like some sort of Stockholm syndrome. It's about tolerance for stress, it gets a workout with children. If your child has suddenly upped the stress levels then your usual level of tolerance is under constant assault! Give yourself a break from the guilt.

Well, you'll find out the full effect of your irresponsible actions when your child starts school and is ostracised for swearing like a sailor at the teacher.

I occasionally say "Oh shit" under my breath. That's about as sweary as I get - wild, I know. When my son was about 3 I heard him drop something and say "Oh ship!". Maybe your child will think you said "fur fix lake" or something!

You shouldn't feel bad. You didn't swear at him, belittle him or call him a terrible name. Getting wriggly children into car seats is like putting an octopus into one of those string shopping bags. You are allowed to find it frustrating, and to express how you feel.

We’ve all done it OP. As long as you’re not screaming it in your child’s face it won’t affect him even the tiniest bit, which is a good thing because you may well find yourself muttering quite a few more obscenities at him in the next year or so. Good luck!

You are really overthinking this! Don’t worry, it really doesn’t make you a bad person. If it does then I am a VERY bad person 🤣. I swear as much in front of my young kids as I do at work or wherever, which is quite a lot. Swearing is a legitimate use of language like any other. My kids do not copy it either.

With an older child (say 4 or 5), I'd make a bit of a show of apologising and putting some money in the swear kitty. With a child this age, I wouldn't worry.

DD passed my mobile phone to me the other day and with a big smile on her face said to me "here you go Mama! Here's your fucking phone!".

'That fucking cat' made me laugh so much😂

My 3yo was playing with his toys the other day and shouted 'fuck sake'. I nearly fell off my chair.
I ignored him when he said it and he's not said it since thankfully.

My 4 yo hears me effing and blinding every day (not at him, I hasten to add).

I really can't get worked up about it tbh. As long as he does it in context I don't care!!

My dgs is 8. He laughs in horrified delight if he hears the f word, think tv if he's up late.
He knows it's wrong and wouldn't say it.
He told us that the n word was bad.
What n word is that we asked, a bit worried about the reply.
Knickers, he laughed.
Oh yes, that one is naughty.

Oh OP please don’t feel so awful. You weren’t violent. You expressed frustration.
Your child really won’t remember. You’ve done no harm.
I switched to actually saying “oh rude words” until I realised my children would just go round saying mummy says rude words and people would suspect the worst.
I also remember apologising to a child who WAS old enough to copy after I narrowly avoided a car accident. And swore. In my defence I thought we might die!

It's better to keep your cool and not act aggressively in front of kids but I don't know a single parent who has never become frustrated in front of a child.

He really will be fine...

Daughter, just past her 2nd birthday. All sweetness and light in her carseat.
Somebody pulls out on me at a junction. Beeped the horn. And from the back she pipes up 'Mummy you forgot to say for fucks sake'.

As long as they're not using it in context you're Ok OP. At the end of the day you're only human and trying to bend a reluctant toddler in half to sit in the carseat is one of the hardest things going.

OP relax, you're a perfectly normal parent !

Kids will hear bad language while being pushed around in their buggy in town, but you don't get all anxious about it at the time, do you ?

Your guilt is honestly not necessary. You were having a bad day is all.
We've all had days when we're less than our best as a parent.

The best advice I can give you ?

Forgive yourself for not being ''supermum'', and congratulate yourself on being you DC's ''best Mum in the world'', because as far as they're concerned, you are the best!

Oh, and an even better piece of advice, as you have an 16 mth old,

Never teach DC to say ''fork and knife''........................

I was regularly humiliated by my 1st DC, when they would always say, very loudly in a cafe/ restaurant.....................''Mummy, where's my fockin knife ?''...................................

Another advice one, don't call your beloved dog parsnip. Who would have thought your child would stand in a park and shout ARSE ARSE like a drunk father ted.

@icedaisy or to give the dog his full title “Arsefeck”?

God @Wolfiefan that will be next!! Best bit is she doesn't say much at all, other than ARSE. I really didn't think that over properly.

DS 3 exclaims "Bust my buffers!" when something goes wrong. I'm wondering if I'd actually prefer him to swear instead.

@icedaisy haha. We can’t offer my sister a “drink” as she can’t help but continue with arse, feck, I love my brick! She’s only ever offered a “beverage”!

We've all done it, OP. Try not to be so hard on yourself.

You can also guarantee that on the very few occasions I've muttered in exasperation under my breath and dropped an 'F' bomb, DS will have overheard it. It's sod's law. He would then gleefully repeat it at full-on volume, usually in front of strangers.

I'm laughing like a drain at some of the ones reported above. The fockin knife one is epic!

All my children have heard occasional swears (particularly in the car 😳) without turning into moral delinquents.

However the four year old did decide that just before his second day ever in reception last week would be an excellent moment to start asking a lot of questions about the word bollocks which he’d just heard from dh who trod on some Lego 😱

DD’s first clear word was ‘shit’. I’d dropped a huge saucepan on my foot a day earlier. Best thing was we were having lunch with my mum and my very well to do grandma, Dd dropped her sandwich, and said ‘shit’ to it 😬

I thought grandma was going to thump me.

My God THANK YOU everyone. I'm laughing at myself now. There is nothing like parenting to turn you into a neurotic mess. I seriously used to be so chilled before kids.

I need to delete those facebook parenting groups, I think the onslaught of 'bento lunches' and 'gentle parenting' has sent me a bit barmy.