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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed that my 17yr old DD was put on the pill by family planning clinic and had to come home and ask me what to do!!!

43 replies

lucyellensmum · 07/10/2007 12:38

I dont have any problems with my dd being on the pill (in fact im more comfortable with it as she is in a long term relationship). i just think that FP should ensure that young girls are confident in what they have to do to takethe pill effectively before they send them aw3ay eith their prescription and they tick their box to say they have seen another patient. thankfully my dd felt she coulkd ask me as she was definately unclear about what to do and may have taken it incorrectly. Other young girls may be too embarrased to talk to their mums (i know i would have been) and would have been at risk of unwanted pregnancy which is the whole point of family planning. I think that young girls should have to demonstrate a clear understanding of how to take the pill before they are allowed the prescription

OP posts:

Lulumama · 07/10/2007 12:40

well ,if it is the first time she hsa been prescribed it, i imgaine she would wnat to talk about it with you and make sure she had got it right... she may have wanted to discuss it with you in more detail rather than staying talking it over with the nurse.

i;d be pleased she is talking to you about it.

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 07/10/2007 18:52

yes lulu you are probably right, she just really didnt have a clue. But yes i am glad she feels comfortable to talk to me about it. I just think that the FP clinic should be sure that these young women either have someone to talk to or are sure that they know how to take it.

OP posts:

HonoriaGlossop · 07/10/2007 18:58

I agree, it's worrying that she wasn't clear on what to do. It's important she knows, and also knowing that if you have vomiting or diarrhoea then you need to use condoms, ditto if she goes on antibiotics.

Have to say, call me mrs Utterly-Paranoid but I think when ds gets to this age I'll be wanting him to use condoms as well as getting the girl on the pill. Belt n Braces and all that. I hope your dd has thought of that; though she is in a long term relationship and I'm sure trusts the boy, impulsive, drunken teenage behaviour does happen, to boys AND girls, and so do STDs as a result.

it's one thing I'm dreading actually, the loss of peace of mind on this stuff when they get to this age!

raspberryberet · 07/10/2007 19:08

Maybe the nurse did tell her and she just wasn't listening properly (I know I often come out of consultations with the GP and realise I haven't taken in all that he has told me), or maybe she didn't feel comfortable telling the nurse that she didn't fully understand what she was being told.

At least you and she have a good enough relationship that she can talk to you about it - so many girls don't, and it's very sad.

Is your daughter unhappy about the way she's been treated? Perhaps a letter to the manager of the clinic outlining your concerns might help.

ScaremyVile · 07/10/2007 19:12

You get an information leaflet in the box dont you?

pointydog · 07/10/2007 19:14

She's old enough to ask and find out, though.

Maybe she wanted to come and talk to you and knew she could rely on you for advice so didn't ask those questions?

Lulumama · 07/10/2007 19:17

think honoria makes a very valid point re condoms too

pill won;t protect against clamydia or HIV infection...

great she is taking steps to be protected

Emprexia · 08/10/2007 01:27

Not being funny.. but thats what instruction leaflets are for.
Taking a Pill is not rocket science.

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 08/10/2007 08:32

Of course it is not rocket science, but when you are 17 i guess it must be a bit confusing. And to be fair, the data sheets that come with medication are not exactly plain and simple (and i say that with a medically based PhD!). At that age you might read all the side effect and contraindications and scare yourself witless. But hey, forgive me for having such a stupid kid!

to be fair, she just wanted to make sure she was doing the right thing. I said to her, didnt the nurse explain this to you and she said no. She is of course 17 and i imagine was mortified so maybe didnt want to ask. So as it turned out, all is well DD knows what to do, its great she can ask me, shes a bright kid and just wants to be 100% sure (she has two year old sister so i think that has prompted the contraception!!)

Two excellent points made regarding vomiting and antibiotics, i shall make sure she is aware of that. She did say that she intended on using condoms as well as the pill and whilst i am sure that is her intention, i know how these things pan out - after all, i have two pill babies!! Oh yeah, im a great example i am So yes, have explained to her about STDs too.

One thing that does worry me though is smear tests, i know that once you become sexually active you must have them, I think this may well be quite upsetting for her but do you think i should make sure she has one sometime soon. I think she has been sexually active for about a year.

OP posts:

sixlostmonkeys · 08/10/2007 08:42

stating "but thats what instruction leaflets are for.
Taking a Pill is not rocket science." really is uncalled for and totally misses the point.

First relationships, long-tern relationships, sex, contraception and being 17 might as well be rocket science! Being able to discuss and get all the facts and know you can ask someone about it all is MASSIVE.
Lucyellensmum, to her credit, has a daughter who can turn to her mum. Many don't.
FP would be the ideal place where youngsters (or indeed older women) could ask and receive all the knowledge they need at this stage.
It's not just a case of - read the leaflet and be done. What about when someone tells you that you may put on weight, or, they know someone who was ill with the pill, who lost hair through taking it or any other snip of (mis)information? Wouldn't it be best if someone could discuss all this with someone at FP?

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 08/10/2007 08:54

Sixlostmonkeys, great post, that was exactly my point. The pill made me really ill and i put on tons of weight, it used to make me feel really sick after taking it. Ive never really found an entirely agreeable form of contraception - which is why i keep making scissor mimes in front of DP.

The whole points she was raising were wholly relevant and blatantly not explained to her at the clinic, I think she must have been sent on her way with a packet of pills after being told "dont forget to take them". I have actually told her she must take them at roughly the same time, its not the mini pill but at least that way she is more likely to remember. I have told her she is likely to feel sick at first, guess what, she does! I wish she had asked me to go with her, ive offered lots of times as i could have made sure she got all her q answered, and i wouldnt have chosen the particular pill they gave her as it always disagreed with me.

OP posts:

casbie · 08/10/2007 08:56

she's 17 - she knows what she's doing...

like all of us women, read the literature, think about it and then do it. any questions then go back to doctor/nurse etc

it's not like she's 13 and been prescribed the pill due to heavy periods or anything!!

sixlostmonkeys · 08/10/2007 09:08

I am actually shocked that already there are 3 posts along the lines of "read the instructions, don't need to discuss it, pass the buck...
What century are we living in fgs?

No wonder there are so many teen pregnancies, confused/troubled young people, stds if our 'responsible' generation are still sticking their heads in the sand.

SharpMolarBear · 08/10/2007 09:13

Smear tests aren't till 25 now. (unless that's just here but I think it's nationwide)

casbie · 08/10/2007 09:14

oh, come on sixmonkneys - it's what we all did when we were young!

any questions just go back to your health provider.

what's difficult about that?

kitsandbits · 08/10/2007 09:19

I went on the pill at 15 and understood the instructions my self perfectly,

i suspect she wanted to talk to you - rather than not understanding.

i think that was just a way to break the ice.

sixlostmonkeys · 08/10/2007 09:32

Just because it may be what some of us did when we were young does not make it the right way!

We have progressed to the extent now where we can educate the young and make life a lot easier for youngsters. Why on earth should we revert to some hush-hush day, all the while in the knowledge that this makes life more difficult for the teens?

Going back to the health provider if you have any questions? Easy to type but the practise is a whole different story.

we are talking teens here. Teens who may be confused/embarrassed/pressured etc etc. Making the first step to actually get the pills is something many wouldn't have the courage to do, but expecting them to have the further courage to do a follow up when they probably feel they will be ridiculed for not already knowing the answer, is really pushing it. We have already had the attitude of "it's not rocket science" here, so the fear of coming across a health professional with the same attitude would be enough to put anyone off - no matter what the age.
Getting appointments for anything medical these days isn't easy
I'm a lot older than 17 but I have been given medication with all the literature and a phone number should I have any questions. I'm just grateful that most of my questions were covered on my initial visit because it takes months to get back in and even at my age I'm hesitant about asking what could be deemed a daft question

kslatts · 08/10/2007 09:35

YANBU, I think FP clinic's should make sure anyone being given the pill for the first time is 100% happy they know how to use it, whatever their age.

Budababe · 08/10/2007 09:43

Sounds like you have a great relationship with your DD LEM. I went on pill at 17 (with a 2 yr old sister too!!!) and my Mum found it and was horrified. Told me "he'll never marry you now".

Anyway - maybe a letter to the FPC suggesting they produce a leaflet with more info and FAQs to give to girls?

And re smear tests - I went on pill at 17 in Ireland and had to have a smear test before they would prescribe it. Had regular smears and then at 23 had an abnormal one while living in London and had to have laser treatment. Can't believe age is now 25 to have one.

casbie · 08/10/2007 10:15

it's not a secretive thing to do, just sensible.

there's no need to get hysterical about contraception. i wouldn't discuss it with my mum, maybe my LO would, but it's they're responsibility.

if they don't go back and ask questions about contraception, what happens if they get pregnant?

i found the leaflets to be quite informative and i think after 4 weeks of being on the pill, the docs ask you to come back and review anyway?!

sixlostmonkeys · 08/10/2007 10:20

ah ok, go back after 4 weeks instead of getting all the knowledge at the first instance - that's ok then, because you can't get pregnant in those 4 weeks......!

paolosgirl · 08/10/2007 10:21

I'm kind of surprised that the FP literature wasn't sufficient. We use them at work (Health Promotion) and FPA leaflets are pretty good.

It's great that she feels she can talk to you, but I'd echo other posts and hammer home that the condom is by far the safest. The pill does not protect against HIV or STI's - it's one thing trying to stop a pregnancy at 17, it's another finding out you can't have children in a few years as a result of some infection, or that you're HIV+

HonoriaGlossop · 08/10/2007 10:21

casbie I think people were making the point that it's BETTER to talk to a parent about this stuff at 17. The Health Service is a back-up, not the people who should be the sole source of info. I'd hope that a 17 yr old would get a hell of a lot more discussion about all the possible ramifications of the pill, life choices, relationships in general, etc, from a parent...the health service are pushed for time and their role is not to get into a wider discussion about all the emotive issues surrounding relationships etc.

casbie · 08/10/2007 11:13

if the DC didn't understand at the FP, then asking you is a great option...

but, she can always go back to the FP - that's what they're there for!

i honestly can't see a problem. yes, in 4 weeks she can get pregnant and still needs to use a condom, because as far as i can remember (being a mother of three and hubby had the snip, so it was a looooong time ago that i last took the pill), the pill doesn't cover you from the moment you take it, only reliably after your first period on it.

so in essence the first four weeks is only a practise anyway.

[and breathe]

hanaflower · 08/10/2007 11:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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