Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To be annoyed that my 17yr old DD was put on the pill by family planning clinic and had to come home and ask me what to do!!!

43 replies

lucyellensmum · 07/10/2007 12:38

I dont have any problems with my dd being on the pill (in fact im more comfortable with it as she is in a long term relationship). i just think that FP should ensure that young girls are confident in what they have to do to takethe pill effectively before they send them aw3ay eith their prescription and they tick their box to say they have seen another patient. thankfully my dd felt she coulkd ask me as she was definately unclear about what to do and may have taken it incorrectly. Other young girls may be too embarrased to talk to their mums (i know i would have been) and would have been at risk of unwanted pregnancy which is the whole point of family planning. I think that young girls should have to demonstrate a clear understanding of how to take the pill before they are allowed the prescription

OP posts:

kindersurprise · 08/10/2007 12:16

The problem really is that LEM's DD obviously has a good relationship with her Mum and asked for advice.

How many young girls are sent away from FP not really understanding the way the pill works.

Sure, they can read the literature, but tbh, some of the girls that fall pregnant really young are not very literate and might have problems understanding everything.

I do not mean that all teenage mums are thick, it just reminded me of a neighbour who fell pregnant when on the pill. Twice. She could not understand it, she took the pill everytime she slept with her boyfriend and still got pregnant.

The FP clinics should assume that the patient knows nothing about the pill and advise them clearly before sending them off.

Tortington · 08/10/2007 12:31

i have never took the pill, i am highly educated and to me it is rocket science.

as you just said - it isn't effective until you have your first period - really - i didn't know that.

did they tell her that at the FP clinic.

theres something about missing a week? what wek - when do youmiss - can you have sex that week -are you convered?

Dont answer my unknowledgeable questions - i am 35 and wont be having any more (dh vasectomy)twas an illustration

I think casbie - it is extremely short sighted of you to believe that everyone is as confident as you seem to be.

for many teenagers plucking upt he courage to go to a FPC is huge.

its not like a trip to the shops - just becuase you dont see any big deal - doesn't mean that there is not a big deal.

For some sadly its overwhelming
my sons GF asked me - rather than her mum

its PURE luck that the OPS daughter has a fab mum.

When i started my period - i thought i had been murdered and was going to die. times may have moved on a bit - one would hope - but the 80's wasn't like it was the 19th century.

my point is that perhaps we should consider that we - ourselves - the person that WE are - is not what society is, shall or should be. and that perhaps we should consider a wider view. perhaps a nervous 17 yo who has had herfirst long term relationship - first time at FPC - the expecttion that becuase of her age she is more worldy wise than she is - the girl not wanting to belie her innocence - becuase it seems not to be a virtue these days.

i dont know if the above is true - but i accept - that there are people who are not me - with my attitude - who di things and see thing differently to me.

HonoriaGlossop · 08/10/2007 12:50

Well said Custy.

emsiewill · 08/10/2007 13:03

once again custy speaks`with sense & reason...

Budababe · 08/10/2007 13:07

Custy can you adopt me please?

LoRayningNewtsAndFrogs · 08/10/2007 13:11

LEM I only read the first few posts, but regarding smear tests they are only for over 25's now apparently. I was sent letters twice to have mine before I was 25, but both times had just found out I was pregnant, so when DS was born I booked one and went along, only to be told I wasnt allowed one until I was 25! I had to go home and wait for my letter to arrive, this was 2 weeks before my 25th birthday TBH I was quite annoyed because when I finally got my letter I went along and had to have a colposcopy and then a leep within a few weeks of having the smear. Thankfully it wasnt anything worse, but I spent those few weeks worried sick I ahd cancer and it ahdnt been caught in time due to the new ages.

As for the pill, It is not only incredibly hard to take properly (I shall encourage DD to try some other method) but also easy to 'forget' everything you're told in a first incident of receiving it iykwim.

Thankfully your DD has you to talk to, but I agree the FPC should have been more thorough with the appointment. If they are willingt o give out contraception they should be prepared to spend as long as it takes making sure the person taking it is aware of everything it entails. I got pregnant at 19, on the pill, because I didnt do the 'no un protected sex for 7 days' after being sick.

Dinosaur · 08/10/2007 13:20

I think it's so fantastic that she feels she can come and talk to you about sex and contraception.

I wish I'd had an adult that I could have discussed such matters with.

newgirl · 08/10/2007 16:20

i think yabu

from what i remember as a kid(!) it was explained to me in great detail with loads of support/information but i was a bit freaked so didnt take anything in

i guess she just wanted to go over it with you which is a great thing

even grown up women in their thirties still get the pill wrong!!

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 08/10/2007 16:27

are you new then newgirl? Did you mean YANBU?

maybe they explained it it too much detail and DD got lost in the translation? She does tend to have me down as a genius and is always calling me up to ask questions about stuff. She actually said that to her friend once "if you want to know anything ask my mum - its like she swallowed an encyclopedia or sumfink" . She also says "ive given up asking you stuff mum, cos i ask a simple question and you are there an hour later explaining it at the molecular level" Can't win can i

OP posts:

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 08/10/2007 16:28

oh i meant to say welcome to mumsnet

OP posts:

auntyflorence · 08/10/2007 16:49

berrybliss · 08/10/2007 16:52

To be honest i think your daughter wanted to talk to you about it.
I was on the pill at 15 the FP clinic did explain to me how to use it. They wouldn't just hand over the box and tell her to be on her way.
I think the coments people made about the instructions in the box are valid. Surely whatever medication you take you should read the leaflet??? As the doctor or nurse can't tell you everything about the medication.

Also your dd is 17 i'm sure she's not the first of her friends on the pill and must discuss it with her peers.

I wouldn't blame the fp clinic.

Just be glad she can talk to you, its nice that your close and she trusts you.

goingfor3 · 08/10/2007 16:52

I imagine she just wanted to talk to you about it and it was a way to open up the conversation.

newgirl · 08/10/2007 22:09

no im not particularly new although my name does imply that - i was new a few years back and ive never changed it

i did mean that i think you are being unreasonable to be cross at fp - i think thats what your op was asking? - i guess fp say everything they can but if your dd is anything like i was at that age i didnt take it all in (even if she is intelligent - i have a degree etc just was a bit daunted by the fp experience!)

you sound like a lovely caring mum

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 09/10/2007 13:31

i do think you are all right in saying that DD just wanted to talk to me tbh. We havent had the best of relationships through her teenage years which is a huge regret for me, so i am very happy that she feels she can talk to me about this. She does seem to really really like this guy she is with, in fact she is more or less living with him (he lives with his parents btw) and stays with him most nights. I am worried that she is going too fast and is going to get hurt, but what can i do. I have had to take a big step back with my parenting as i have always been over controlling, over pushy, shouty horrible mother. Its hard for me to just let her get on with things i dont really want her to do but i have found that it is the only way to keep my relationship with her. I feel a bit useless and pathetic really, so thankyou for telling me i am a good mum but i felt i should put you all straight

OP posts:

kekouan · 09/10/2007 13:35

Very worrying. Apparently the FPC never made it clear to my sister that antibiotics can make the pill ineffective....

I find it hard to believe she never realised this.. she wont forget in a hurry though!

newgirl · 09/10/2007 15:20

she came to you when it mattered - so you must be doing the right thing!

i didnt get on with my mum for most of my teenage years and i would have never talked to her about sex - but we now get on very well - i appreciate her point of view far more now im a parent!

Emprexia · 10/10/2007 11:40

I've been on the pill since i was 14 for medical reasons, and yes, my GP explained it very basically. if the fpc didn't do that, then they are quite definitely to blame.

But when i said "its not rocket science" i meant it.

IF she reads the leaflet with the box, it quite clearly states.

"How to take "

"If you are new to the pill or starting again after a break, take your first tablet on your first day of bleeding on your next period. Swallow whole, with water if necessary.

After taking your first pill,take one every day until you have finished the pack.
You should try to take the pill at the same time every day."

It even goes on to explain about missing a pill and stomach upset in the same section, and also explains that taking other medication can stop the pill from working so well

Whats so difficult to understand about that? ALL the information is there, and i'm sorry, but EVERYONE know you must ALWAYS read the leaflet before taking any kind of medication.

If she's done that, then i imagine she came to you to talk about it, rather than actually need your advice on how to take it properly.

Flip

1 2