29 weeks pregnant. Dh is 52. I’m riddled with anxiety about baby’s health.

[omgitcantbetrue]

I so desperately wanted a third child. My two are 14 and 10. I’m 39 and at the time it felt like now or never.
Basically, as soon as I got pregnant a deep feeling of doom took over me and I’ve honestly not been able to enjoy a minute of this pregnancy. I didn’t even consider DH age. Honestly didn’t cross my mind. I’ve since understood the many health implications for the child in having an older father and am obsessed that my baby’s health is compromised.
I don’t want to offend anyone, but I can’t deal with the reality of what I’ve done, the potential life long consequences for baby, myself and my family. I’m not sleeping and having waves of pure panic. I’ve not bought a single thing for baby, or bonded at all.

It's a myth that men age is not relevant and that semen is always fresh. In fact sperm's quality is dropping drastically in mid 30.

Although, you have to trust medical advice you are given. Scan was fine, right.

My son is autistic. My daughter, I am certain, is too (not diagnosed). I’m pretty sure I’m autistic. My husband has a lot of traits. His father definitely is (undiagnosed).

It’s genetic.

Undiagnosed autistics find each other and marry each other and have autistic children.

You need to speak to your MW as it sounds like you have antenatal depression or antenatal anxiety, both of which are quite common and are no reflection in your love for the baby or your ability as a parent. There is help out there but you have to ask for it

I mean this very kindly but autism is out of your hands. I can't guarantee you won't have an autistic child or what degree that child will be affected by it, but statistically you're more likely to have a neurotypical child. If you did have an autistic child, you would cope. I have two autistic children and people say things like "I don't know how you manage" or "I don't how you do it". I manage because there isn't an option to not manage, I do it because they're my children and I love them, exactly the same as my neurotypical children. Absolutely no one has the child they imagined they would have when they were pregnant.

Deragod Exactly. I wish I’d thought about and considered the fact that men have a reproductive span that is compromised with age. The scan coming back clear gives me no comfort. So many things don’t show on the scan. I do think I need some sort of help to come to terms with the what ifs that just will not stop running wild in my mind.
I’m very grateful to you all for responding.

@Haworthia

Not all autism is genetic. Genetics play a part in some cases but not all cases of autism.

I’m not autistic, my partners not and nor is a single member of my family or my partners family.

My son is severely autistic. My daughter is NT.

I was 23 and my partner was 26 when we had our son OP, so it wasn’t age related.

In the kindest way your hubby is right - nutrition and being relaxed during pregnancy is probably the best things you can do to help have a healthy baby. I know lots of men who had healthy babies in their 70s - I really don’t think you need to worry. It’s the age of the maternal egg which is more of an issue.

@Potterpotterpotter I knew someone would pull me up for generalising Of course, not all autistic children have a family history of autism. But a LOT do.

Sounds like anxiety OP. It’s fine to think about the risks but not when it’s overwhelming you like this. Talk to MW and GP - don’t gloss over it, really tell them how you feel.

You say that you’re fixated on autism but anywhere from 50 to 95 percent of the likelihood is determined by genetics. The fact your existing children don’t have autism is maybe the biggest predictor that your new child will not have it. If you’ve Googled obsessively, then you must also know that stress during pregnancy can play a part in autism development (end of second trimester, beginning of third trimester), so PLEASE talk to your consultant or midwife right now. Tell them you are crying constantly and cannot enjoy your pregnancy at all due to health anxiety. You may need urgent CBT or even need to take a medication that is safe during pregnancy to stop this overwhelming anxiety, but you cannot keep living like this. You say you’re not resilient but part of being resilient is asking for help.

Thanks all x

Talking to a professional about your anxiety will really help.

And, OP, remember, there is a choice to continue a pregnancy or not.

I was 25 and my DH 27 when we had DS who was autistic. Age is irrelevant. Why are you so obsessed with Autism in general? You talk about it as if your family would be doomed to a fate worse than death if your child was autistic.Do you think the second an autistic child is born it is automatically some kind of monster who makes everyones life an utter misery? Where has this thought process come from? And to be kind OP if you are so certain about this why did you become pregnant at all?

I’m 7 months gone. So that’s not an option.