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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I be concerned at my son killing flies, bugs etc.

121 replies

bumble79 · 07/09/2020 18:23

My son aged 9 has autism and is a little young for his so say the maturity of a 6-7 year old in some aspects.

He keeps killing Bugs, flies, spiders etc.

He doesn't like them and wants them gone but I tell him we must let them out, not kill them.

But he does it anyway when I'm not looking.

He just managed to kill a fly and then decided to cut it in half when I wasn't looking.

This is a relatively new problem.

Posting here for traffic. Should I be concerned? He's really gentle with animals such as cats and dogs but I keep telling him bugs are animals too.

Is killing bugs a sign he's going to have issues? I mean I'm guilty of squatting annoying flies but he seems to like squishing them...

Normal or not??

OP posts:
category12 · 07/09/2020 21:05

@vanillaandhoney, The word is for the behaviour.

HolyForkinShirt · 07/09/2020 21:10

I'm amazed at the amount of people who think it's okay to kill bugs. I'm not trying to sound like a condescending prick - I promise.Smile it's just I really don't know anyone IRL who would purposely do it. All my family and friends I have seen catch spiders in a glass etc.

I personally would be really concerned and furious if my children purposely killed any animal, bug or not. I remember having to bury a snail and give it a funeral when one of my DC accidentally stepped on it. He was in floods of tears for what felt like a year!!

I really don't think you have to worry about him being a serial killer though. Maybe try and get him interested in bugs. Ants for example are fascinating to learn about.

mathanxiety · 07/09/2020 21:12

Buy him a microscope and find educational resources to help him develop an interest in insects apart from the sensory element involved in squashing them.

Let him help cut, slice, chop and dice as part of co-operative meal prep. Crushing garlic might be particularly satisfying for him.

mathanxiety · 07/09/2020 21:12

Buy him a microscope and find educational resources to help him develop an interest in insects apart from the sensory element involved in squashing them.

Let him help cut, slice, chop and dice as part of co-operative meal prep. Crushing garlic might be particularly satisfying for him.

TorgosPizza · 07/09/2020 21:13

I wouldn't worry about him killing disgusting or frightening bugs instead of catching and releasing them. (There are some bugs I'd never try to catch and release, even as an adult. I don't care if they're just living their life. I'm just living my life, too, and I don't want them in it!)

However, cutting bugs or "torturing" them is different. That can be normal for many children, too, but I'd still discourage it by reminding him that it's not okay to inflict pain. You're aware of it, so you can monitor whether or not he's growing out of it. If he treats pets and people kindly, I imagine the bugs are just a phase he'll grow out of.

mimbleandlittlemy · 07/09/2020 21:14

So common amongst children there’s a line in Shakespeare about it. I wouldn’t worry.

TheHappyHerbivore · 07/09/2020 21:15

For people who think it's wrong to kill insects, how do you eat? Or is it OK that insects are slaughtered in their millions for our bread, but not OK to kill ants in your kitchen?

I don’t think we need to pretend any kind of perfection can be achieved here - as you say, insects are killed in food production, and sometimes we have to exterminate pests. But I think it’s generally good to teach children the principle that we shouldn’t kill things unless it’s really necessary.

I used to bait the lawn with bread and then use my air rifle shoot any starlings that arrived. The cat was sent out to dispatch any wounded ones. I turned out to be relatively normal so I wouldn't worry about a few flies or spiders

This is really, properly horrible.

HolyForkinShirt · 07/09/2020 21:16

@mimbleandlittlemy

So common amongst children there’s a line in Shakespeare about it. I wouldn’t worry.
Whilst this is true- just because something is common doesn't automatically make it okay
HolyForkinShirt · 07/09/2020 21:21

@Lactarius

I used to bait the lawn with bread and then use my air rifle shoot any starlings that arrived. The cat was sent out to dispatch any wounded ones. I turned out to be relatively normal so I wouldn't worry about a few flies or spiders.
That is vile and cruel in my opinion. Was there any reason you used to do this ? Or just as a hobby ?
WiddlinDiddlin · 07/09/2020 21:21

Killing stuff you don't like isn't abnormal.

Enjoying it might be...

Curiosity as to how things work, what they look like on the inside etc.. again, thats normal.

I was stopped at the age of 6 from dissecting a live freshwater shrimp, I just wanted to see the inner workings (I realise now without microscope I'd have just seen goo tbh)...

At a MUCH older age than that I went through a phase with one of my friends, of playing 'spider death match'... purposely putting one spider species into anothers web and seeing who got eaten.

Grim, not something I'd do now at all, but it hasnt turned me into a serial killer (mind, you only have my word for that!!!)

Bluntness100 · 07/09/2020 21:25

Whilst this is true- just because something is common doesn't automatically make it okay

Genuine question, how do you cope with seeing things like fly or wasp killer in shops? Does it distress you?

WhereTheCrawdadsSing · 07/09/2020 21:28

I kill ants if they come into my house, because we have a lot of them round here and have had a full on ant carpet at one point. I don't know what they were doing, but they were all through the downstairs of my house, so, so many of them. It was pretty gross. I was later told that if you see one or two in your house, you have to kill them and not put them out, as they are scouts looking for food. If they find something, they'll go back to the ant hill and get the rest of the troops.

I try to remove anything else, except, if a wasp won't be caught or herded out, I'll swat it. Flies, bees and spiders I wouldn't kill. If I can't remove them, I leave them to it. But I also wouldn't cry if someone else swatted a fly or spider in front of me.

Why is that though? I was veggie as a kid, vegan for a while as an adult. Why don't I mind the idea of insects and spiders being killed 🤔? It's a weird one, for sure.

I wouldn't like the thought of anyone doing it for fun... I would tell off my (afaik NT) dcs if they did it, but that may be quite different. I gave dc1 the riot act for chasing pigeons recently.

I don't think killing insects is a good thing to do by any stretch and it definitely was something I hated at school, when other kids used to catch insects and pull their wings off or whatever for fun 🤢. But, I think that, for some reason, it seems quite different to hurting a mammal or even a bird or reptile.

Also, we had rats running along the back of our houses a while ago and we had to call environmental health, who sent someone round the houses giving advice. Eventually, they discovered a business nearby had a huge compost heap which was completely open and many rats were dining off it and thriving. The business had them all destroyed and again, no, I wasn't exactly heartbroken about that either.

category12 · 07/09/2020 21:28

Bluntness, do you not see a difference between using bug-spray and cutting up an insect?

Lactarius · 07/09/2020 21:28

HolyForkinShirt

"That is vile and cruel in my opinion. Was there any reason you used to do this ? Or just as a hobby ?"

Mostly just because I enjoyed it, didn't like starlings and it made for good target practice. The cat seemed to enjoy his part in the proceedings which was a bonus.

BlackSwan · 07/09/2020 21:41

I used to collect ladybugs in matchboxes. I pulled their wings off so they couldn’t fly away (I didn’t think about whether they might feel the amputation!).

I’ve turned out ok I think.

Harrysmummy246 · 07/09/2020 21:48

@PlanDeRaccordement

Normal. And flies are not technically animals. They’re in the insect kingdom.
Nope. Animal kingdom

They are animals

Not plants, fungi, bacteria etc

Animals splits into vertebrates and invertebrates etc

Insects are then within invertebrates

Somethingsnappy · 07/09/2020 21:53

I honestly wouldn't worry about this OP. Just keep on reminding him that insects etc are animals too, even if not quite as cute as the average furry mammal! I killed bugs out of fear or even curiosity as a child. I don't anymore!

GeorgeMichaelsEspadrille · 07/09/2020 21:54

Presumably he's dissecting the fly from curiosity (as millions of children have done throughout history) not mutilating it for pleasure.

These really are 2 completely different things. Dissection of an already dead creature does not require therapy. GCSE biology?

MoreRainbowsPlease · 07/09/2020 22:02

My son has autism and is terrified of insects. He would prefer not to kill them, but if he freaks out and I am not around he will kill flies, not spiders though. Normally he gets me and I remove the insect and put it outside e.g. moths and spiders. Although I do kill flies if they are the big black ones. I wouldn't be too worried by his behaviour, but I would just try and work on getting him to stop doing it or catching them and releasing them. My son is 15 now and it has taken years to get him to not freak out immediately if some thing flies near him.

Manolin · 07/09/2020 22:04

@PlanDeRaccordement

Normal. And flies are not technically animals. They’re in the insect kingdom.
Flies are animals. The technical specification is:
  • has multicellular growth
  • independent movement
  • consumes organic matter
  • breathes oxygen
  • reproduces sexually
BathshebaKnickerStickers · 07/09/2020 22:04

Please read “The Wasp Factory” by Iain Banks.

Swatting flies is one thing

Planning killing is huge.

HolyForkinShirt · 07/09/2020 22:05

@Bluntness100

Whilst this is true- just because something is common doesn't automatically make it okay

Genuine question, how do you cope with seeing things like fly or wasp killer in shops? Does it distress you?

@Bluntness100
No I can't say it really bothers me, Im not a militant animal rights kind of person. I just don't see why anyone would kill a bug if there was a kinder option for example.

Ie I would buy a humane mouse trap as opposed to poison.

I certainly wouldn't say anything if I saw someone buying it.

Contrary to the way my previous post could be interpreted, I'm not a judgey person in general 😂

Lois345 · 07/09/2020 22:11

When I was little I caught flies in match boxes and threw them in the fire. My mum was horrified. I outgrew that habit pretty quick and have no issues today. I think it is a normal developmental stage. Today I wouldn't harm a fly

Manolin · 07/09/2020 22:14

@GeorgeMichaelsEspadrille

For people who think it's wrong to kill insects, how do you eat? Or is it OK that insects are slaughtered in their millions for our bread, but not OK to kill ants in your kitchen?
Yes but that’s Larvae Bread surely? 😁
MrsMayo · 07/09/2020 22:18

@Bluntness100

I kill flies, wasps, spiders etc and bugs. I have not been murderous to anything else. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t cut them up and look at them or anything, but I certainly kill and bin or flush them.

That’s why fly swats, fly killer, wasp killer, bug killers are so popular, loads of folks do it.

It’s really nothing to be concerned about

You kill spiders? I'm absolutely petrified of them but I always catch them and take them outside. Not sure if that does them more harm but I can't kill them.

Wasps and flies are another matter.

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