Am I being unreasonable to read love letters belonging to my grandparents (now deceased).

[LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood]

My aunt has just loaned me a couple of albums of (previously unseen by me) photographs of my grandparents through their younger years,, so I can scan them. I am 53 now. I adored my grandparents, was very close to them and have nothing but positive memories of them. They died 20 years ago within a few months of each other. When she passed the albums over my aunt mentioned that in the back of one of the albums there were love letters from my grandfather to my grandmother when he was serving in the RAF during WW2. She said she has looked through them but they were difficult to decipher. She was entirely neutral as to whether I should read them or not. I’m tempted. But I also feel it’s an intrusion.

Just to be clear - I’m not agonising over this. Would just like to get a feel for the “mood” on this issue. Until today I never knew they existed.

My aunt is visiting from a fair distance. She will be taking the albums back with her next week. I might not get another chance.

To assist voting.

YABU - do not read
YANBU - go ahead and read them.

(Though I really am on the fence about it).

Yanbu. I'd read them. I've read my grandparents letters and it made their young lives come to life.

I would read them, no question. They aren't around to be embarrassed. I have read the love letters between my parents (both dead now) during their engagement and the love between them was wonderful and made me happy to see.

Read them. They are part of your history too.

I think it's ok, I wouldn't share them with anyone outside of your immediate family though.
I think if they really didn't want them to be read then they probably would have disposed of them.

I would read them. And possibly make copies. You loved them dearly, and you reading them will keep their memory alive. I would see it as honouring them rather than intruding. If either of them was still alive it would be different, but now it's a case of loving memories.

YABU. They are private letters and not meant for you. My PIL recently re-read all their personal letters to each other and then shredded them. They felt they were personal to just them and didn’t want them to be read when people were sorted out their estate. I agree and will be doing the same when the time comes.

I'd read them, I think it's a way to keep their love alive as well as getting to know them better.

I would definitely scan them if this might be your last chance to see them. I would read them and not feel bad. You could make your mind up at a later date if you choose.

Read them (and scan them if you’re able).

They have been kept for a reason and I think it’s lovely to keep their memory alive by having an insight into what must have been an important part of their lives together. I actually think it’s quite a sad thought to leave them unread.

Thank you for the responses. I’m feeling encouraged to do so. It does feel like a precious opportunity. I have some letters my now DH wrote to me 30 years ago when I was at university and we were planning our wedding. I would not mind if my children read those one day after I am gone.

Of course not, only unreasonable to use details in a way family would find disrespectful.

It is important family history.

I think if they really didn't want them to be read then they probably would have disposed of them

I keep my personal correspondence because while I am still alive I want to be able to re-read it myself or at least have the comfort of knowing I still have that physical connection to the ones I loved who have died. I'm not going to deprive myself of that in life by destroying it just to safeguard against people with no respect for the dead. I doubt I am unusual in my decision making there.

But does that give anyone the right to read it after I die just because they're related to me? No.

To me, respecting the dead means respecting their privacy as you would have in life. Although I realise that view is apparently not commonly held in a society that thinks nothing of public inquests and those inquests enabling newspapers to use the private lives of the deceased to make money. Or of coroners thinking they are capable of reading the mind of a person they never even met to pontificate about what was in the person's mind when they died and declare their uneducated opinions as fact.

Op, who put the letters in the album? Did your grandparents put them there and share the albums with the family in a "this is our story" kind of way? Or was it where they kept their personal keepsakes and family members appropriated them after death? That would guide my decision.

I don't think I would feel comfortable reading them. It would feel intrusive

I think I'd read them in a scanning type of way whilst feeling guilty and intrusive and then feel bad about it forever. That's just me, though, and I worry about everything.

I’ve been very interested to read the replies. The question as to who put the letters in the album is a really, really good one. Very thought provoking. And I don’t know the answer! It’s an oldish album so could have been my grandmother (obviously in her later years) or it could have been my aunt. I’ll ask my aunt my aunt tomorrow. I can see the distinction (though I hadn’t thought of it myself) and it’s a thoughtful one to have made. The letters are all in envelopes - all postmarked 1940 - 1944. Just seeing my grandfather’s handwriting has had me undone, so I’m not sure I’m up to reading them anyway!

I personally wouldn't read them. Easy way to guage how you feel....how would you feel if years from now , after you've passed, extended family found letters you had written to your DH and read them. If that doesn't bother you then go ahead and read them.

I’d read them. I read my granny’s diary from the year her husband died suddenly and left her with two young children. My heart broke for her.

(I read it decades after she died)

Interesting - as I mentioned upthread I do have sine letters from 30 years ago from my now DH. And I would not mind my children reading those when I’m gone. I’ve kept them so they can if they wish. All in a suitcase with other letters, cards etc. But I know what they say. The fact I wouldn’t mind myself hasn’t swayed me that much either way.

I once read some love letters my dad wrote to my mum when he was away with the RAF 🤮🤮 That's one memory I'll never erase. I guess there were no phones for sexting in those days.

My granny burnt her love letters from my Grandad because she didn't trust us not to read them after she died. I am still sorry she felt she had to do this, but I guess it depends what your relative was like and if you think she would feel it was an intrusion. I don't think I could without explicit permission.

The letters are yours now

There's a sort of immediacy to this form of communication that seems to bring you closer to the loved ones you've lost. I found this from old letters between my parents and also my Gran's old travel journals. Felt like my dear old granny was sitting beside me telling me a story just as she used to when I was a child, and my parents' letters showed a really touching side to the characters of both.

I don't agree that reading these old documents was disrespecting the privacy of the dead; it's hardly as though I was going to show them to anyone, dissect their meaning or publish them online. They brought me a lot of comfort and I'm fairly certain that on this account alone my relatives wouldn't have minded. This is your family, aside from which letters from that period can give a fascinating glimpse into the lives our grandparents lived which are so very different from our own. It's your family history. You're not a voyeur.

Read them. You’ll get an idea of who your grandparents were as just people. Young people in the throws of love, pre kids, and grandkids. It’s a wonderful thing to get a window into that. We forget our parents and grandparents had a life pre us!
I have a stack of love letters between my grandparents written during the war. My grandad died when I was 9, but even before I was born he’d had a series of massive strokes. I never knew him really. We all feared him as kids due to his temper. My dad said the same when he was growing up. He was strict, would beat him. Was tight, would never let them heat the house in winter etc. He was a tyrant really, but when I read his letters, I can’t equate that man, with the man writing the most beautiful words to my granny. The way he spoke about her, was a love that comes straight out of a romance novel. It’s helped me see him in a different light, and try to understand him more. My granny would always gush about him after he died, and I couldn’t understand why.
Thanks to their letters I can, and they’re some of my most treasured possessions.

I agree that the letters should remain private and unread. They weren't written for your eyes.

Definitely read them. Words and poems are meant to be read.