Am I being unreasonable to read love letters belonging to my grandparents (now deceased).

[LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood]

My aunt has just loaned me a couple of albums of (previously unseen by me) photographs of my grandparents through their younger years,, so I can scan them. I am 53 now. I adored my grandparents, was very close to them and have nothing but positive memories of them. They died 20 years ago within a few months of each other. When she passed the albums over my aunt mentioned that in the back of one of the albums there were love letters from my grandfather to my grandmother when he was serving in the RAF during WW2. She said she has looked through them but they were difficult to decipher. She was entirely neutral as to whether I should read them or not. I’m tempted. But I also feel it’s an intrusion.

Just to be clear - I’m not agonising over this. Would just like to get a feel for the “mood” on this issue. Until today I never knew they existed.

My aunt is visiting from a fair distance. She will be taking the albums back with her next week. I might not get another chance.

To assist voting.

YABU - do not read
YANBU - go ahead and read them.

(Though I really am on the fence about it).

I had this with my sister. She read letters to and from mum and dad. I was appalled. These were private memories. They were not written to be read by children and maybe grandchildren. They were kept mementos of their life between themselves. The surviving spouse could not have destroyed those memories. I would have rather tucked those (unread) letters into the coffin of the last spouse.

I have a couple of letters from dh that I would rather ds didn't read. He might blush!

I think perhaps write on the envelope if you don’t want them reading?

The words in a letter are meant to be read - by the intended recipient, obviously!!! Don't read them. If your grandparents had wanted you to read them, they would have passed them onto you, directly or via their will.

I would have a look but stop if there are too personal.

i would be scared about what I might encounter in them if it were me! i was reading a magazine the other day which had a story about a similar situation and they had to stop reading pretty quickly because apparently the granddad was talking about how much he wanted to 'you know what' the grandma! no one needs that

I’d have a quick scan to get an idea of the content and tone, and then decided if I was comfortable.

I read my grandparents' letters when my grandma was in hospital after having my dad (she was in for ages as had a terrible birth and complications. She was ill for months). It was illuminating - my grandad, who had always seemed very unemotional wrote beautifully and movingly about how much he missed her and "their offspring". My grandma's responses were much more muted and unemotional - she was quite a hard woman and this comes across in her responses. I suspect she had undiagnosed pnd and certainly struggled to bond with my dad all his life. He told me after she died that he looked after her from duty not love, and that was so sad.

I don't regret reading the letters, it gave me much more understanding of then both and made them seem a lot more human.

I would do it

I would read one and then judge from the tone and contents whether it was appropriate for me to continue to read. I would love it if, after my death, my children and grandchildren read letters that my husband and I sent to each other. I would be so happy that something of our love and deep respect for each other endured and would hope that by reading about it, they would accept nothing less for themselves.

YABU asking this question in the first place.
Do what you want.
Nobody will be hurt.
Your Aunt seem to care either.

I wouldn't read them. They weren't written for me.

It's a bit too soon. Private correspondence like this should remain private for 50 to 100 years after death - it's not like they were from the Victorian era. Keep them by all means for future generations.

Absolutely not unreasonable. I have every letter, from every boyfriend, friend and family member kept safely FOR my daughter and descendants to read. Also my diaries.
A friend of mine destroyed all these things when she married and said she didn't want her children to know the person she was before she met their father.

I suppose everyone is different, but I think handing something like that down is beautiful.

Read them, but keep the content to yourself. It's hard to imagine your grandparents as young people in love, those letters are a lovely reminder of that.
I've still got all my ' love letters ' that were sent between me and my husband, who was in the AF, from when he was away in combat and I won't mind my kids or grandkids reading them when we're no longer here.

Thank you for all the responses. It’s a fairly mixed bag in the comments. To the poster who said I was unreasonable to ask the question - as I said, I’m not agonising over this, I was just interested in views. As with most of AIBU, it’s not important, just interesting to the person who posted.

Anyhow....I’ve found out that my aunt put them in the album. But she found them along with the photos and cards; all mixed up in a big box. So it seems as though the letters, whilst not put in the album by my grandmother, were kept by her along with other items she plainly did anticipate family would see after her death.

There are quite a lot of letters. I have asked my aunt (and she has agreed) if I can scan them, along with the photos. They might be too faded for that though. I’ve not looked yet. That way I would not have to rush my decision about reading them. I feel close to my grandparents again after just having the letters nearby. I’m not sure I do really need to read them. But knowing I could - for a short while - “hear” my grandfather’s again has brought me quite a bit of joy over the past 12 hours. Seeing his writing, addressed to my grandmother (he used all her 3 initials on the envelope, which I found very touching for some reason), has moved me beyond words.

Thanks all.

I'm going against the tide here - I think it would be intrusive, like reading someone's diary. I'd keep them for future generations to read, who didn't know them.

To state the blunt truth they are both dead so it doesn’t matter. They can’t be hurt, annoyed, embarrassed, happy. It’s irrelevant.

We all die and anything we felt just doesn’t exist anymore

I don't regret reading the letters, it gave me much more understanding of then both and made them seem a lot more human.

This. I read some of my grandparents letters to each other and it gave me a very different view of my grandmother, who had always been to me, a very difficult person. The letters meant I now view her more sympathetically than I would if I hadn't read them.

They're dead so I dont think they'll mind.

@WhyIsItSoHardToPickAUsername

I think it's ok, I wouldn't share them with anyone outside of your immediate family though. I think if they really didn't want them to be read then they probably would have disposed of them.

Completely agree with this. My parents were apart for the first three years of their relationship - both before and after marriage - they destroyed their letters.

We’re retired now but my husband didn’t his working life at sea, so I have a HUGE collection of letters, the majority of which are just general chit chat about our day to day lives. However, I’d have no problem whatsoever if any of our children read them after we're gone.

Go ahead and read them.

*spent his working life - not didn’t. That made no sense at all!

I recently found some love letters an old (much-loved) boyfriend sent me and I shredded them without reading them- just couldn't bring myself to read them, don't know I just felt ick about it. I personally wouldn't read your grandparents letters for fear of also feeling ick if I found something i wish I hadn't read. But i don't think you would be 'wrong' if you did. Only you can know how you would feel. Don't worry about their feelings- they won't know or care!

Read them. A lot of war letters weren't that raunchy because they were often opened and read to make sure secrets weren't revealed.
I have my grandparents. It was lovely and absolutely nothing overly private.

I burnt my late sister's cards and letters from her former partner last week. Did not read them, and I felt no-one else should either (return to former partner was not an option).

That then made me open my letters and diaries box, with the intention of burning them all while I was in the mood. First diary turned out to be great, seeing a relationship with 40 years' perspective. So will keep it all until I've read everything one more time, then burn.