to accept a weightloss defeat

[letmesleep123]

I've now hit 40 and for as long as I remember myself I've been battling with my weight. Looking back at my 20year old self, I was slim and attractive, a lot less slim in my 30s and now, 3 kids later, I am 3-4st overweight.
I can't take the dieting/healthy lifestyle/exercising anymore. I have tried it all - weightwatchers, slimming world, bodycoach, low carb, keto, you name it. I've driven myself to boderline binge eating disorder. I've exercised, walked, ran. I'm very disciplined with it all for months, I lose extremely slowly, then have a few weeks over christmas/stressful job/life getting in the way and put it all back on.
I wass going through some old ohotos today and just thought I'd had enough. Two ways from here - accept that that's it, I'll be growing at my average rate of a stone every 5 years. Or have a surgery of some sort.
If you've struggled with your weight throughout your life and are now older - have you finally found that "magic formula" that worked for you? AIBU to think that for some people (me) there is no "cure" and not everyone can get to their healthy weight?

I think there’s a much simpler answer. I just can’t quite articulate it! I think the combined dieting knowledge of all the women in here should be able to work it out.

Basically, I think that the reason diets fail is because when you’re dieting, you aren’t working out how to do this in normal life. You’re counting calories, or working out carb-free foods, or counting syns or whatever it is. Intermittent fasting comes closest with the simplicity of it. So does a diet I tried a few years ago called No S.

What we need to is to work out simple rules that work in the real world. I’m not quite sure what they might be, but here’s a start:

No snacks between meals.
No alcohol.
No seconds or puddings.
No fast food or takeaways.
Exercise as much as you, personally, can - walking’s fine.
Don’t panic if you have a bingey day - just start again tomorrow. No one’s perfect.

it is not healthy to carry that much extra weight as you age (at any age really but especially as you age)

You say you have tried EVERYTHING, but it cannot be true (sorry) - you say a few months on these regimes then you fall off the wagon. It takes more than a 'few months' you have to think of a long-term plan, a forever plan. Are you still in crash diet mode?

I'm 45 and low carb / basically keto works for me with IF. My BMI is 20, I am never ill, have no aches and pains and feel fantastic. But I don't see this as a diet, it is my lifestyle - I eat no processed food (neglible anyway as it is VERY hard to eat none), don't have to calorie count and that is it, that is what makes me feel my best and I just so happen to be very slim now too, without really thinking about it.

Up to you at the end of the day, but personally I would be thinking that 3-4 stone of extra weight really isn't good for my health and would commit to a new lifestyle.

Try exante or slim'n'save.

I'm very disciplined with it all for months, I lose extremely slowly, then have a few weeks over christmas/stressful job/life getting in the way and put it all back on.

This really resonates. I don't have the answer. I've done the work so many times, same as you. I used to do triathlons. I love working out, but if I eat more than a measly amount, I gain instantly. I gave up dieting once and tried to do 'intuitive eating'. Cooked all my own meals. I gained 3 stone in as many months. It's just so fucking unfair.

I'm only a few years behind you and I feel very similar. For me it's since having DC2 that I can't shift the weight (had no problems following DC1 just three years prior). I am heading to a dietician for a proper, healthy weight loss plan. Am hoping that a professional will help me to pinpoint where I'm going wrong. And suggest adjustments to help with any plateaus (plateaux?) Would this be an option for you?

I’m not doing poxy diets again. Sure, for a short time I can weigh everything and log everything. Sure, for a short time I can cut carbs, or only eat in an 8 hour window, or only eat 500 calories 2 days a week. I cannot do any of that long-term.

I’m 36. I’m consistently 1.5 stone overweight. I’ve tried calorie counting, low-carb bootcamp, 5:2, Fast 800, Dukan, Team RH, intermittent fasting and the No S Diet. I lose weight for a while but always put it back on. I’m back to thinking about simple rules. I need something not too difficult that I can stick to.

I really feel for you.

I was in the sane boat but much heaver. Around 7 stone over weight. I'd lose a couple, feel better and revert back. For years this was my pattern. I tried so so so many diets.

I had a gastric band 2 years ago, to date I've lost 5 stone, slowly but steadily. I feel so much better In myself but it was a hard decision to make, and its not for everyone. I dont profess it to be a perfect solution either. Its difficult and uncomfortable at times.
But for me, at 42 it was the right decision.

It's building good habits rather than bad. It takes a while and it means not treating yourself with food, not snacking, eating sensible portions. Being consistent with food and exercise. Not going crazy and exercising every day whilst eating 3 lettuce leaves for a week or two , then going back to old habits. It's a lifestyle change, not a 'diet'.

@fishonabicycle

It's building good habits rather than bad. It takes a while and it means not treating yourself with food, not snacking, eating sensible portions. Being consistent with food and exercise. Not going crazy and exercising every day whilst eating 3 lettuce leaves for a week or two , then going back to old habits. It's a lifestyle change, not a 'diet'.

Yes, this! For me, I know I snack too much. That’s my first target. If I’m not losing weight after cutting snacks then I’ll think about something else. It depends on your outlook, though - my DH is significantly overweight and if I suggest cutting snacks he gets upset and angry. Maybe for anyone in that position then they should think about 4 meals a day instead of 3.

@hamstersarse
You have quite clearly stated what works for you and also quite clearly stated you disbelief that the op is unaware of the health problems and clearly doing something wrong that she cannot manage the amazing job you have are doing
Completely missing the point there miss judgy pants.

OP I’m older with more to lose than you and wake up every day with the best of intentions but can’t stay the course.
When someone finds the answer please let me know apart from obviously trying EVERYTHING

You have quite clearly stated what works for you and also quite clearly stated you disbelief that the op is unaware of the health problems and clearly doing something wrong that she cannot manage the amazing job you have are doing hmm
Completely missing the point there miss judgy pants

@giggly The op did ask what works for you, so erm, yeah, I stated what works for me.

OP I’m older with more to lose than you and wake up every day with the best of intentions but can’t stay the course.
When someone finds the answer please let me know apart from obviously trying EVERYTHING

So you stay the course, isn't that your first option? You either accept you have some control over your weight or you don't. There is no magic formula, there is a way of eating and lifestyle that works for you. But literally everyone knows that junk food is never part of a healthy lifestyle, that is not news, but I would hope when you have tried EVERYTHING, you mean at the very least that you have cut out all junk food.

I’m late 40’s and lighter than I’ve ever been.
At your age I had resigned myself to gaining each year and becoming obese like my grandmother & DM.
My two older sisters also hit obesity a couple of years ago and I thought enough is enough.
I got on the scales one day then started logging everything I consume on My Fitness Pal.
No fad diets. I still eat anything I want but I finally understand calories and how many calories are actually in things and so watch my portion control and don’t over eat.
The shock that those 5 chocolate digestives have more calories in than a ham roll and a packet of crisps, or that a shop sandwich has more calories than a well portioned roast dinner has been an eye opener.

I'm 55 and my issue has always been portion control - I eat mostly healthy stuff at mealtimes but eat the same quantity as DH and DC, all of whom have a much quicker metabolism than me. I also snack too much in the evenings.
Over the last 4 weeks I've decided to take action and eat less - I've felt hungry twice in that time! If someone puts too much food on my plate I give it to someone else (DH gave me a whole jacket potato tonight - I cut it in half and only ate half. I'm also generally only eating 2 meals a day by delaying breakfast till lunchtime or missing lunch.

If I fancy a snack in the evenings I ask someone else to get me 3 brazil nuts (so I'm not tempted to eat more) and I nibble them slowly.

I don't have scales so I'm measuring myself and have lost one inch on my waist and a little on my hips and thighs! It's not much but it's a start and I'm happy to lose it slowly and steadily.

The key thing I've realised is that this is a permanent change and that is fine. I'm still enjoying all our meals, just eating a lot less of them.

I went out for Afternoon Tea one day but treated it as my main meal and went straight back to my new eating habits the following day.

I'm older than you OP and more overweight. I know slim people who are very strict with their.food intake and manage by almost never having treats. I figure I'm going to have to die of something and I dont want to be miserable and counting syns/calories/points for the rest of my life so I have pretty much accepted my weight.

I do try to walk a bit and not eat to the point of feeling stuffed and I dont seem to put on weight any more so that's something

@hamstersarse I agree, so much extra weight cannot be healthy. I can get away with it now, but I am acutely aware that the trajectory seems to be going upwards and every 5 years (or less) is briinging an extra st in weight.
I've also gone the low carb/keto way in the last couple of years, but I am wondering if it's actually exhaserbated my binge eating tendences. I feel great on it for 3-4-5 months and then it's enough for me to eat carbs once to go into a massive carb binge. It then takes me all my willpower to get back into ketoses... and so it goes on and on. I am have done a lot of research, am a member of every keto forum going and paid for a keto coach a while ago so I really did give it a shot. Unfortunately in the 2 years of mostly on than off keto, the "fat melting" stage has still not come.

I really enjoy the fasting 5:2 diet. I’m losing weight at a slow and steady pace and still having all the things that are “ bad” for you. I definitely am with the everything in moderation brigade.

It’s made me a lot more aware of what I’m eating and planning in advance. Of course you have to be disciplined and committed to it for it to work.

@TweeBree

I'm very disciplined with it all for months, I lose extremely slowly, then have a few weeks over christmas/stressful job/life getting in the way and put it all back on.

This really resonates. I don't have the answer. I've done the work so many times, same as you. I used to do triathlons. I love working out, but if I eat more than a measly amount, I gain instantly. I gave up dieting once and tried to do 'intuitive eating'. Cooked all my own meals. I gained 3 stone in as many months. It's just so fucking unfair.

Oh yes! How did I forget the intuitive eating :-))) been there, done it, even had a mindful eating app to help me.

You could really just do that you eat two thirds of anything you would normally do.
So, 3 pieces of bread (just an example) become 2.
It's very small change but overall it can make difference without any obsessing and structured diets.

If you are adding a stone every 5 years, that's about a kilo a year. That's very little (but yeah, it counts together, I know) and really could be sorted by, having few spoonfulls or forkfulls less. Fingers crossed!

I had been slowly piling on weight over the two years since having DC and I was 5 stone overweight. I kept starting diets then stopping because I couldn't cope along with all the daily stresses. Then I actually, no word of a lie, managed to 'trick' my body into sticking to a diet. Honestly, it was unintentional.

I started a diet that was super low carb, and for the first week, also super low calorie, 1000 per day. The plan after that was unlimited calories, sticking together low carb. The first few days were great! Loads of chicken, salad, low carb sauces, veg, fish. Heaven. Then, I started to feel really unwell. I started to get mouth ulcers, and felt nauseous and tired all the time. I was losing pounds though. Like one a day.

About 6 days in, I caved. I literally couldn't stomach another 'low carb' meal and I was about to break. So I made myself a sandwich, which was still within the calorie limit, but accepted I'd failed at my diet, and that my body would be booted out of ketosis. Went to bed grumpy.

Woke up the next day and realised I wasn't really hungry. I figured I'd eat when I'm hungry and see how long I could stick to just 1000 kcals per day. For some reason, my ravenous all-you-can-eat appetite just didn't come back.

Since then I've upped my calories to 1200 per day and started adding in a few walks per week. To date, since May I've lost 3st. I'm hoping to lose the rest by Christmas.

I don't know what it was, but if I had to guess it was that I realised how difficult it could be, and learned to appreciate food in a different way. Touch wood I don't lose momentum now. I hope this gives hope to even one other person, because before I started that low carb diet thingy, I was ready to quit and just eat myself to the size of a house, because I was convinced my metabolism had just changed and there was nothing I could do about it.

Very sorry for the essay

[quote letmesleep123]@hamstersarse I agree, so much extra weight cannot be healthy. I can get away with it now, but I am acutely aware that the trajectory seems to be going upwards and every 5 years (or less) is briinging an extra st in weight.
I've also gone the low carb/keto way in the last couple of years, but I am wondering if it's actually exhaserbated my binge eating tendences. I feel great on it for 3-4-5 months and then it's enough for me to eat carbs once to go into a massive carb binge. It then takes me all my willpower to get back into ketoses... and so it goes on and on. I am have done a lot of research, am a member of every keto forum going and paid for a keto coach a while ago so I really did give it a shot. Unfortunately in the 2 years of mostly on than off keto, the "fat melting" stage has still not come.[/quote]
Have you paid attention to when you crave carbs? It is usually on days 21-28 of your cycle and most keto plans do not acknowledge this because they are designed for men.

Women often need to up their carbs during this time (fruit / sweet potato). You haven't fallen off plan if you do this, your body needs it

At 40 I thought, "fuck it" and decided to just be happy and healthy and to accept myself..

I've lost half a stone since quitting all the dieting

Oh, and, I also have one 'cheat' day per week. With absolutely no limits on what I'm allowed to have. I often have doughnuts and pizza and sweet popcorn and whatever drinks I've been craving all week, including alcohol. So far, I've only found this to be a benefit, because it means that I only have to 'deprive' myself during 6 days and I have something I can look forward to once a week, which comes around really quickly. The second benefit is that it seems to work very well for my metabolism. Often by day 6 it starts to feel like I could cut my calories down to 500 and not see any weight loss. But after that 'binge' day my metabolism seems to readjust. I don't know if there's any science to that though.

I've been through the same thing. Im nearly 40 and put on 3.5 stone. I ran and excerise every day, cut out junk food for 2 years, even tried slim fast and juicing for 12 weeks. No weight loss at all. A few months ago I tried the 5:2 diet and the fat is melting off me for the first time in years! I log every thing in my fittness pal. Fast days I consume 500 calories. The other days I eat no more than 1200 calories, as recommend by mfp (according to my height and weight). Looking at the calories of what I eat has been a real eye opener. I used to drink alot of hot chocolates and juices, which obviously gave me extra calories that I didn't need! Download mfp and join the 5:2 fasting group on here, run by BigChocFrenzy. It's very informative, and motivational.

@HarrisonFived

Oh, and, I also have one 'cheat' day per week. With absolutely no limits on what I'm allowed to have. I often have doughnuts and pizza and sweet popcorn and whatever drinks I've been craving all week, including alcohol. So far, I've only found this to be a benefit, because it means that I only have to 'deprive' myself during 6 days and I have something I can look forward to once a week, which comes around really quickly. The second benefit is that it seems to work very well for my metabolism. Often by day 6 it starts to feel like I could cut my calories down to 500 and not see any weight loss. But after that 'binge' day my metabolism seems to readjust. I don't know if there's any science to that though.

I read an article about carb cycling. Basically some body types (I suspect me) are very very good at adapting to the calories you take in so if you cut to 1000 your bod deals with it and after an initial loss your metabolism catches up and adjusts to living on 1000 calories. By having high, low and mid carb/calorie days you keep your metabolism confused and on its toes! I have to say the past couple of months I haven’t ‘dieted’ but I have had days where I ate loads of crap and then other days where I’ve eaten barely anything/fasted for 24 hours etc and I’ve actually lost 10lbs!! Which I’ve never lost so quickly on any proper diet I’ve been on. I have been doing some hiking with the kids which has probably helped too.

I was you OP.
And aged 40 I did find the magic "cure" and lost 4.5 stone and now aged early 50's have kept it all off.

Its really really simple... You eat too much.
You are overweight, I was overweight for the simple reason of eating too much.

Posters can go on about carbs and fat and micronutrients and clean eating and whatever other dad they like but simple fact... You eat too much.

So I had this light bulb moment of realising this.. And I realised that all food is good.. Nothing is bad.. You just need to eat less.
Completely revolutionised how I looked at food.
I also stopped eating for any reason other than I was hungry.
And I mean properly really hungry.

I did other things when I was bored, lonely, sad, happy.. I self soothed with books, walks, baths.. I now wonder why we soothe or reward with good when the end result of that is usually weight gain which makes us unhappy?

I ate whatever I really felt like, when I fekt really hungry and I stopped as soon as the hunger was just abated... No more stuffing it down endlessly.

Honestly it worked effortlessly.. I realised I needed so much less food than I had been eating and that wasn't bad because now I don't have a toxic relationship with food.. I can eat what I like.. If I want a donut.. I have one but only if I am hungry, only if I am sure it is a donut I want... And then I enjoy it with no guilt.

Interestingly when I too away the rules about good foods and bad foods... I often wanted what would be counted as " good"..

So you just need to eat less than you need to lose then eat enough to fuel your body.