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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or was this a little rude?

95 replies

Boredbumhead · 06/09/2020 19:22

I have not long moved to a new area. I discovered a lovely new cafe today that seemed to be in the middle of the country side. I didn't know the area very well at all though. I took the children and dog there by myself (I'm a single mum so often go out as a threesome just me and the kids). We sat at an outside table and ordered. We waited a good 20 minutes for the food but I want bothered as it was a nice day. About 15 minutes in the cafe owner (a middle aged woman) walked passed so I grabbed the opportunity to politely ask if she knew of any good dog walks in the surrounding area. She looked really annoyed and said, I'm busy with another customers question, it something to that effect and walked off. I thought she may come back later, apologise and answer or at least say sorry I don't know, but nothing. WIBU to think this was a little rude and dismissive? Thankfully we did manage to find a nice walk through trial and error. I realise it wasn't a tourist information and she may have been busy, but I would have expected a polite response as a customer that just spent £20?

OP posts:
sqirrelfriends · 06/09/2020 20:33

She was rude, personally I would avoid using the cafe again.

NotquitewhatImeant · 06/09/2020 20:54

She was rude but you never know what is going on in other people’s lives, maybe she was having an awful day.

IncrediblySadToo · 06/09/2020 21:00

YABU

She's a Café owner, in a pandemic, trying to keep customers & staff safe & fed.

Why on earth would you stop her, when she was obviously busy, to ask about Dig Walks?

You spend £20, on food & drink for your family, you didn't buy a piece of her!

I don't think she was rude, she said she was helping someone else, presumably with something relating to HER BUSINESS not dig walks 🤷🏻‍♀️

Tomatoesneedtoripen · 06/09/2020 21:07

otoh you could have waited until a staff member was less busy before you asked.

AmelieTaylor · 06/09/2020 21:09

[quote Boredbumhead]@lotsolove I'd rather visit your friends business then! I also feel that if it was and I had spotted a single mum was asking this question, I would give her a pointer as I wouldn't want her getting lost in the middle of nowhere with a 4 year old and and 8 year old which could be pretty dodgy. I will stop trying to over analyse now. Thanks for your responses everyone.[/quote]
I would assume you were an adult, who was quite capable of taking the children you had with you for a walk fir a walk with the dog you had with you

How would she know you were a single mum & why does it make any difference??

Original poster
Boredbumhead · 06/09/2020 21:10

She's a Café owner, in a pandemic, trying to keep customers & staff safe & fed.

Hmm she didn't have any measures in place to keep customers safe and she wasn't wearing a mask. Perhaps another reason not to go back.

OP posts:
BoomBoomsCousin · 06/09/2020 21:11

If she was just a random person you’d stopped to ask then not really rude but a bit brusque. As a cafe owner it was unfriendly service that wouldn’t have me hastening back. But she may have been particularly flustered and just forgotten and if you’ve just moved to the area may be worth trying places a few times before you form a hard opinion.

SarahAndQuack · 06/09/2020 21:12

Agree you're hugely overthinking.

She had no way of knowing you were a single mum - you could've been meeting your partner after; you could have been planning to head straight home with the dog and just asking about walks out of curiosity.

(Also why on earth would anyone expect an adult to get lost purely because they don't have a partner?! Confused)

I suspect she felt you were rude in catching her when she was busy to ask a question totally unrelated to her business. It's also just possible she is fed up with people who don't know the area coming out there - round where we are lots of farmers have had to padlock gates and similar, because there's been quite a big increase in footfall and, sadly, some people don't understand where you can and can't safely let a dog off the lead.

Also, just a point - you sound as if you think she owes you grovelling niceness because it's a business out in the sticks. Could perfectly well be she's run off her feet with custom, has loyal locals already, and doesn't actually need to curry favour in order to make the business work?

Rosebel · 06/09/2020 21:13

It's not her job to provide you with information about dog walks! It wouldn't even occur to me to ask something like that. I don't think she was rude, she was busy and you asked her somehing she probably didn't even know.

Original poster
Boredbumhead · 06/09/2020 21:15

Also, just a point - you sound as if you think she owes you grovelling niceness because it's a business out in the sticks

Err not at all. I was just upset as this was the first adult I had spoken to all weekend, and I was hoping for a kinder response.

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 06/09/2020 21:17

You sound as if you're struggling with something that must be bigger than this. This isn't a normal reaction.

Original poster
Boredbumhead · 06/09/2020 21:19

Err no, I'm not @SarahAndQuack but thanks.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 06/09/2020 21:23

I was just upset as this was the first adult I had spoken to all weekend, and I was hoping for a kinder response

But like the single mum thing, she wasn’t to know that either, You get that right?

wildcherries · 06/09/2020 21:27

I don't think she was rude. She was busy serving someone else.

You're overthinking this.

nocoolnamesleft · 06/09/2020 21:37

You waited 20 mins for your food. This implies that the staff were pretty busy. If they'd spent 5 minutes answering a query for each customer, you'd all have waited even longer for your food.

thewallisblue · 06/09/2020 21:43

Give them a bad review on Google.

WorraLiberty · 06/09/2020 21:45

We waited a good 20 minutes for the food but I want bothered as it was a nice day.

I know it's not the point of the thread but this ^^ has me a bit bemused.

Why would you be bothered at all about waiting 20 minutes for your food, no matter what the weather?

It's a cafe, not a fast food joint Confused

MoaningMinniee · 06/09/2020 21:46

Unlike rather a lot of previous posters I've read the OP and OP's updates. You didn't do anything wrong OP, you sat and waited for 20 minutes, asked a passing member of staff for an update after 20 minutes when they went by not carrying a load of plates.... There is a giddy limit to courtesy to harassed waiting staff and frankly OP seems to have gone through and exceeded this.

MsTSwift · 06/09/2020 21:48

Sounds like a female Basil Fawlty!

Benjispruce2 · 06/09/2020 21:53

Perhaps she was busy and didn’t have time to stand and talk about dog walks as she was already dealing with something.She could have handled it better though.

Witchend · 06/09/2020 22:11

[quote Boredbumhead]@lotsolove I'd rather visit your friends business then! I also feel that if it was and I had spotted a single mum was asking this question, I would give her a pointer as I wouldn't want her getting lost in the middle of nowhere with a 4 year old and and 8 year old which could be pretty dodgy. I will stop trying to over analyse now. Thanks for your responses everyone.[/quote]
I doubt anyone would see a woman with 2 children and think "oh dear, single mum therefore I must instruct her in case she gets lost."

At least I would find that a very patronising thought.

I am quite capable of getting thoroughly lost with dh at home.

Cherrygirl3 · 06/09/2020 22:12

Rude, no customer service skills......I would find another cafe next time as she doesn't deserve your custom. Rate the place on Trip Advisor so we can all avoid! Can't stand bad customer service/unfriendliness to paying customers.

Benjispruce2 · 06/09/2020 22:13

How is she to know you’re a single mum? I go out with DC and no DH, doesn’t make me a single mum that needs assistance. It’s not her job to direct you on walks, she’s not Tourist Information!

HandfulofDust · 06/09/2020 22:15

She was probably busy but she could have politely said she was in the middle of something and then come back and answered your question (even if just to say she doesn't know of any good walks).

FOKKYFC · 06/09/2020 22:17

Blimey. 'Rude bitch'? I wouldn't have stopped her to ask a question that could've waited until you were paying/leaving. She shouldn't have answered like that but I always assume waitresses in a cafe are busy and wouldn't accost them for a fairly trivial question.

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