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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit disappointed year 9 dd is in bottom set for maths?

149 replies

awaywiththecircus · 06/09/2020 12:39

Dd goes to a grammar school. She loves school, cried when it shut for lockdown and was excited to go back.
I know I’m being unreasonable as Dd is definitely no maths whizz. It’s not something that comes easily to her but she gets there in the end. I’m the same so don’t know why it’s bothered me. Her older brother (15) is brilliant at maths and going to do further maths GCSE and A level. Please talk some sense into me.

OP posts:

MJMG2015 · 06/09/2020 13:19

@awaywiththecircus

Do you think it might be because of something that's had an impact on you? Bullying, being embarrassed in certain situations, turning down opportunities in case you 'show yourself up' and that you're just worried she might go through those things?

I'm in no way saying you should feel any of those things, but a relative of mine had a difficult childhood & really struggles with SPAG and feels it held her back in life (she tried to improve as an adult but just couldn't) and she woukd have been very worried if her DC had not been in at least the middle set at school.

Can DS not tutor her a bit.

BarbedBloom · 06/09/2020 13:20

This was me. I was superset for everything else, got full As for all my exams and failed maths. I just don't get it. I can't even work out how much change I should get in my head.

My dad was horrible about it and I was really ashamed

Needallthesleep · 06/09/2020 13:20

I was at a selective school, and in the bottom set for maths, being on track for a B grade at GCSE.

My parents spent their lives telling me how rubbish I was at Maths. Their only comparison was the girls at my school. In reality I was absolutely not rubbish at Maths, I’m pretty good actually, but their constant berating of me because I wasn’t in a higher set destroyed my confidence. Please don’t do that to your daughter.

TableFlowerss · 06/09/2020 13:25

Did you pay for a private tutor for you daughter before the entrance test? (Assuming there’s was a test?)

12309845653ghydrvj · 06/09/2020 13:26

I had similar with maths when I was young (excellent at all other subjects, average/not great at maths). Where I grew up it’s also mandatory to do it to A level equivalent.

My parents taught me that it’s fine to have a subject you’re not naturally good at, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t work towards getting a top grade. My As/high Bs in maths were worth more to me than top grades in subjects I found easy.

Set her extra work, get her brother to tutor her, make it clear she can still aspire to get the top grades. It’s a great life lesson. The thing about maths is you really can learn it—it’s not fun, it takes commitment.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 06/09/2020 13:27

Dont you have to be top 10% to get into grammar school? So she's 90th percentile. I know from experience that its easy to lose sight of that when at a grammar school. In the nicest possible way - give yourself a very gentle shake and get a grip on a lovely reality

12309845653ghydrvj · 06/09/2020 13:29

Also just to add: being in a group that moves through content slower will help her, at least for now. I ended up in one of the top mags streams and it really didn’t help me, as I needed things exaplined to me repeatedly and slowly—I was getting good grades due to work, not due to instantly “getting it” like the other kids.
If she gets great grades however and starts taking to maths, they may move her—but working at a pace that suits her doesn’t need to affect her final grade.

BeachLane · 06/09/2020 13:30

Like others have said, grammars take the top 20%, so that's where she is. I wouldn't worry at all. It's so good that she loves school - many kids don't. Bottom group at grammar should still get decent GCSE grades.

W00t · 06/09/2020 13:30

Please celebrate her strengths and recognise that it's important she's in classes where she can cope with the pace and will benefit from the consolidation work. She's in a grammar, so she's still on track for 7+ presumably?

TableFlowerss · 06/09/2020 13:30

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale

Problem these days though, is so many kids are tutored to pass the test then they struggle once they get in.

So some of them aren’t actually naturally in the top 10% and they’ve been thrust in to this highly academic school. when in fact it’s too much for them and they can’t keep up.

Not saying this is the case in this particular situation of course

12309845653ghydrvj · 06/09/2020 13:31

Also treat “not being good” at a subject as a way to build confidence—teach her that not eveydone is naturally good at things, but you can get better through hard work. Even if she doesn’t come out with a top grade at the end, make sure it’s one she knows she really worked for.

W00t · 06/09/2020 13:31

Not here they don't, beachlane, they take top 4%!

Topseyt · 06/09/2020 13:31

She sounds much like my DD1. She was at a grammar school but wasn't top set for maths either although in the end she did get an A at GCSE (you can see that it was a few years ago).

As others have said, bottom set at a grammar would probably still align well with upper middle and lower top sets in a comprehensive so I doubt very much that it is really something to worry about.

Your DD has probably just been placed in the set that most closely corresponds to her method and pace of working in maths. If she is comfortable and happy with the arrangement then that is what matters.

Menomosso · 06/09/2020 13:33

I was in the ‘bottom set’ for maths at my grammar school in year 9 (the first year we were streamed). It was great. I understood maths for the first time and got an A for GCSE.

recededpronunciation · 06/09/2020 13:33

I had a bottom set maths daughter in a selective school. She stayed in that set throughout GCSE as well and got a 9 and an A for Additional Maths A couple of years ago. The pace was just better for her in that set and she was more able to consolidate the work before moving on to next topic.

Ginfordinner · 06/09/2020 13:34

I would look at it rather than being in the bottom set, but being in the right set for her. As PP have pointed out, the teacher will be working at her pace instead of zooming ahead.

DD was always in the top set for maths, but when she was in year 11 she had a teacher who just assumed that everyone was working at A* level, and worked at the top of the top set pace. DD's marks started sliding down because she needs time to understand a concept before she can move on.

I got her a maths tutor who got her and went over everything she didn't understand. Her mock marks were so high that she was entered for maths GCSE 6 months early, where she achieved a good A*.

This was entirely down to having a tutor who could work with her at her pace, so please don't give up hope.

HandfulofDust · 06/09/2020 13:34

I don't think YABU to feel that way - you know it's irrational. It's probably more a relfection on how you feel about academic acheivement from your own childhood - perhaps you've internalised it a bit too much. I do think it's important you don't project insecurity on your daughter. As you know bottom set at a grammar is fine and unless she's set on studying maths at Cambridge it's unlikely it will impact anything.

I find the biggest problem with being bottom set at a grammar is lack of confidence. A similar student would be in a top or near top set at a comprehensive and feel quite good about their maths ability where as sitting in the bottom set at a grammar they can get disheartedned and stop trying.

BeachLane · 06/09/2020 13:35

W00t in that case she's definitely got nothing to worry about!

Pumpkinnose · 06/09/2020 13:35

I think this is awful post. Why would you put this on a public forum!

It’s very goads, well your daughter got into grammar school someone has to be in the bottom set...! There will be parents whose children didn’t pass the 11+ reading this feeling rubbish!

amusedbush · 06/09/2020 13:35

I was in a low set for maths at secondary school and achieved a grade 4 at Standard Grade (probably equivalent to a 4 or 5 at GCSE). I was in the top sets for everything else and my maths grade was an outlier on my certificate.

I didn't take maths any further than that and it has never held me back. I went to university as an adult and I'm now doing a PhD. I even survived the mandatory finance module during my MSc course, though I did cry once due to panic over coursework

Basically, it doesn't matter. Some people aren't good at maths but they have other strengths. I once failed a maths test at primary school and my mum was so angry she grounded me and forced me to stay in all weekend practicing my times tables. It did not help or change the fact that my brain turns to mush around numbers...

MaryBoBary · 06/09/2020 13:37

I went to grammar school and was put in bottom set for maths. My parents paid for a maths tutor who I went to once per week and I quickly moved up sets. Ended up with a B at GCSE. Maybe look at a tutor if it's bothering her.

HandfulofDust · 06/09/2020 13:38

I'd also add that emotionally it's a better not to be brilliant at everything at school. Much better to learn resilience and to keeep trying even when you're not excelling.

Nat6999 · 06/09/2020 13:41

Don't worry, my ds was only entered for foundation maths, it meant he got a grade 4 pass that was all he needed. His A level choices mean he never needs to think about maths again, his passing was only needed to get him the grade required by the government & education chiefs. I paid for a tutor for 6 months who helped him achieve the grade he needed. He was never going to be a maths genius, his talents lie in essay type subjects & writing.

TitsOutForHarambe · 06/09/2020 13:44

Pay your son to tutor her, if they get on ok
(If you can't afford to then maybe use other incentives)

rosiejaune · 06/09/2020 13:45

Maths was the only subject we had sets in at grammar school, and there were only two of them. The people in the lower one were taking the Foundation paper, whereas most of us did the Higher one. So is that how it works in her school? In which case the maximum she can get is a 5.

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