Need advice on dh please

[StormsDontLastForever]

Dh went out yesterday, told me he would be home for 7pm, ended up at a friends house drinking until 5am this morning. I had asked him to come straight home after the place he was at finished at 7pm, promised me he would and wouldn't go awol (as he always does). Strolled in door at 5am this morning as if nothing had happened, said he done nothing wrong, can't see why I was annoyed. I've had a terrible week this week and didn't need the stress of worrying about him being out etc. Not spoke to him this morning, want to have a chat with him to tell him I'm not happy and my reasons but he acts like a child & basically tells me to fuck off he's not done anything wrong bla bla bla. Anyone have any advice? Aibu to ignore him all day 🤣 don't want to be childish though but need to do something as he has pissed me off and I've had hardly any sleep

Ltb

What Cheshire said....

I dont think its sensible to ignore him, but if you are pissed off at him (and it sounds like that is a sensible reaction given he had told you he would come home at 7pm) you do need to talk about what happened in a calm way when you are both able to listen to each other.

A wise person once said, you can do or say anything you want, but you have to realise that there will be consequences.

Sounds like your DH needs to understand the consequences of his actions

Yup. No joy in this relationship. Find yourself a decent man.

What was the reason he had to be home by 7pm?

I'm not saying you're not unreasonable to be pissed off but it seems a very early "curfew" unless there was a valid reason behind it?

Are you asking permission to sulk? You have every right to let him know you're pissed off.
Likewise he has every right to ignore you if he doesn't see it as an issue.

I'd have it out.

Did you need him to help with kids or something? Or did you just want him home because?

The "as he always does" comment isn't hopeful tbh.
If this is regular you do need to decide if you will put up with it because it won't change.

@vanillandhoney

What was the reason he had to be home by 7pm?

I'm not saying you're not unreasonable to be pissed off but it seems a very early "curfew" unless there was a valid reason behind it?

This

What’s the reason? 7pm for a grown adult as a curfew ? What’s the backstory?

Ime it won't /he won't get any better.

Do you have children?

Why 7pm?

Do you have children?

Do you have the same level of freedom?

Ltb

Why are you worried about him when he goes out?

That sounds very suffocating to me. I'd hate that.

You don't give the reason why you wanted to your dh back, but what I see is that he is one of those people who doesn't think there has to be any connection between what he says and what he does. I had one of those and he's an ex.

What’s the reason? 7pm for a grown adult as a curfew ? What’s the backstory?

Erm.. he had said he would be back by 7pm

He wasn't set a curfew. He went out sayig one thing and did another without the courtesy of communication!

Do you REALLY think it's OK to stop out all night when you are married, have kids and have lied, repeatedly!

He'll be telling OP that he didn't tell her cos she always overreacts. And you'll all agree with him!

Why are you worried about him when he goes out? You've heard of love, care, consideration and all of those connecting emotions?

That sounds very suffocating to me. I'd hate that. Maybe not!

All the cool girls... Phsaw!!

as he always does
if it's how he always behaves, that's probably why he views it so lightly.
Have a chat about expectations when you're both calm and sober - but if this is his typical behaviour, you have to evaluate how likely he is to change - or not, and make a decision about whether it's the relationship/life you want.

Anyone have any advice? Aibu to ignore him all day 🤣 don't want to be childish though but need to do something as he has pissed me off and I've had hardly any sleep Yes. First ignore all the responses from people whose idea of a relationship seems to be just doing what you want without common courtesy for your partner.

Second. Wait for him to be sober and then tell him plainly. His idea of enjoying himself is single man's game. That he is a rude, inconsiderate twat who needs to grow up or fuck off. A relationship that includes kids is a 24/7 thing for both parents and him having a penis doesn't give him a pass whenever he feels like it! He either grows up, learns to communicate and treat you and his kids with some respect or he trots off and lives with his mates on a permanent basis! At least then you won't ever have to waste your emotions worrying about him!

I think it's only common courtesy that if you say you'll be home by a certain time, that you either come home then or let those at home know to the contrary. At best it's thoughtless, at worst it's disrespectful and even cruel if those at home are going to worry about safety etc.

Why wouldn't a spouse be worried about their partner who has said they'll be home at 7pm and then doesn't show up until 5am. All sorts of thoughts will be running through your head - none of them pleasant.

We're all human and humans make mistakes; if it was a one off, well yes highly annoying but move on. If it's regular and a pattern it is disrepectful - that's a different matter and speaks to a deeper problem in the relationship.

Erm.. he had said he would be back by 7pm

Yes, but did he actually want to be back that early? I get the impression from the OP that OP told him when he was going to be back and that she'd have been mightily pissed off if he suggested he might be later!

Wait until you have both calmed down, then explain how you felt, worry etc etc

Ask him to at least contact you if he is going to be late.

If he continues, then I would be giving him a taste of his own medicine, go out, no contact, come in really late see how he likes it

He tells you to fuck off?

Charming. Have you thought about finding a more pleasant man?

Yes, but did he actually want to be back that early? I get the impression from the OP that OP told him when he was going to be back and that she'd have been mightily pissed off if he suggested he might be later!

That suggests a level of dysfunction and lack of communication in the relationship that might be hard to overcome. The OP is not his mother for his only reaction to an unreasonable demand to be to lie.

Another one wondering why the 7pm curfew for a grown man ?

The answer will change things quite a bit.

If you’re trying to stop him from having fun with his mates or you just want him home, YABU.

If he never helps out with kids, you were sick and he’d been out 5 nights that week already... YANBU.

@CuriousaboutSamphire

What’s the reason? 7pm for a grown adult as a curfew ? What’s the backstory?

Erm.. he had said he would be back by 7pm

He wasn't set a curfew. He went out sayig one thing and did another without the courtesy of communication!

Do you REALLY think it's OK to stop out all night when you are married, have kids and have lied, repeatedly!

He'll be telling OP that he didn't tell her cos she always overreacts. And you'll all agree with him!

Why are you worried about him when he goes out? You've heard of love, care, consideration and all of those connecting emotions?

That sounds very suffocating to me. I'd hate that. Maybe not!

All the cool girls... Phsaw!!

I totally understand where you’re coming from with this. It’s absolutely valid and reasonable.

However people are likely to respond from their own opinions and their personal point of view.

Mine being if my partner said he would be back at 7pm and then turned up later It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. Sometimes going out doesn’t always go to plan.

And I have two kids.

He works hard as do I . If he wants to stay out then so be it it, vice versa.

Some people on here are saying LTB and others are asking for further information. It’s all about context.

My reason for asking for a backstory is to be able to understand the predicament OP is in in order to give her an opinion.

As of now, there isn’t much information shared. And the original post comes across as an adult with a 7pm curfew.

I’m sure OP has a justifiable reason for needing him to come home at 7pm and when or if she does share that I’m sure good advice which will have a positive impact on her life will then follow from someone.

This is not an argument. It’s simply someone seeking advice and other people giving their opinion based on how much info she has provided. And in my case I’m wondering there is more of a backstory.