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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Racist comments at new job--WWYD?

76 replies

Lakshmibai · 05/09/2020 20:53

I have just started a new job. This week I was in my office which adjoins the main open-plan office. I overheard a group conversation which went like this:

'My aunty puts stuff in her bins and Indians come and take it'
'Indians always come and do that.'
'You leave something outside and its gone in an hour.'
'One of them offered her 20 quid for it but she said she'd rather pay 20 quid to take it to the tip'
(general agreement ensued)
'hahahah Indians, they even come over from xxx nearby town just to see what they can get from bins'
'Pakistanis do it too'

All said in a mocking way.

I didn't run out there and say anything to them. Now I feel bad and unsure what, if anything I should do. What they were saying was really derogatory. But if I bring it up, things will not go well for me in that job, especially since I'm new. I don't want to let it slide either though. The team is very small and it will be obvious who flagged it, if I do. If I'd been in the room I would have had to speak up but I was just overhearing and it will be my word against theirs.

It's not too late to flag it up to management as it just happened on Friday.

WWYD? AIBU to say nothing? Or to say something?

OP posts:
june2007 · 05/09/2020 20:57

Rather then flag it up with management can you flag it up with the people who said it?

Original poster
Lakshmibai · 05/09/2020 20:58

Sorry I thought I'd disabled voting

OP posts:
NameChange84 · 05/09/2020 21:01

I’d report it for sure. But then it’s me and my family’s ethnicity that they were being offensive about.

ParcelFarce · 05/09/2020 21:09

I’ve confronted colleagues directly about similar comments in my office, but I can understand your hesitance to do so in a new job, especially in this climate. In your position I think I’d mention it to my line manager. Tell her/him you’ve overheard some very offensive racist chat (which it absolutely is) that is making you feel very uncomfortable. A good manager would swiftly address issues like this with their staff - let them deal with it but in the meantime make a note of what was said and when, and of anything similar you hear in future.

RoseTintedAtuin · 05/09/2020 21:18

In that situation it was probably shock that prevented you from saying anything (that kind of behaviour has no place in our society) but given you have had time to process it I do think you should challenge it with management or via a whistleblower route or something otherwise that behaviour may become more commonplace and accepted. I do worry that instances like this will become more common due to political nature atm and with Brexit upcoming. It’s very concerning as I don’t think I could live in a society that allows it.

WorraLiberty · 05/09/2020 21:29

I think I would have said something to them at the time.

As an aside, there are always people digging through bins in my area and they tend to nearly always be Romanian, although some people mistake the women for Asian.

A lot of people in the local FB groups put up Ring Doorbell video footage and complain about it. Some complain without feeling the need to be nasty or make racist comments though.

Prig · 05/09/2020 21:32

Unfortunately xenophobia and racism is now accepted as "banter". You're in the right but probably won't change your workplace. Continue to keep hold of your morals and well done for keeping your own mind.

Msmcc1212 · 05/09/2020 21:49

I had a similar situation but it was me they said it to so I was able to challenge it directly. More difficult when you just overhear something and are not part of the conversation. I think it’s worth mentioning it to your manager to ask what they think you should do. You don’t have to name names but raising it means they become aware and can’t ignore it and can put some training in.

Some people are not very aware that what they are saying is racist until they are challenged or educated - if you grow up in a racist household or knock around with racist people, it’s your norm (not excusing it, but it helps, I think, to understand so it’s easier to know how to sort it). Until someone or something challenges that ‘norm’, you don’t know what you don’t know.

Good luck and may be plan for what you might say should you be directly involved in the future: ‘are you aware that what you are saying is racist?’ Is one option.

MissBehaviour1 · 05/09/2020 21:55

Stroll up to them and ask is it casual racisim time and what biscuit goes well with xenophobia. Always works for me, its the enthusiasm to join in that sells it. Can't stand rascists, so boring.

TheOrigBrave · 05/09/2020 22:06

@Prig

Unfortunately xenophobia and racism is now accepted as "banter". You're in the right but probably won't change your workplace. Continue to keep hold of your morals and well done for keeping your own mind.
No it's not accepted as banter; not within people I associate with.
isadoradancing123 · 05/09/2020 22:08

It may well be indians or pakastani or romanians or whoever, it may be white english people going through bins, what is wrong with saying who it is and what they are doing

Notthetoothfairy · 05/09/2020 22:14

I probably wouldn’t say anything this time (in an ideal world, you would, but it sounds like it will just backfire on you now). If you hear anything else similar though, you should go in and say something directly to them at the time.

Serin · 05/09/2020 22:14

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

Pheasantplucker2 · 05/09/2020 22:15

That's awful. I can see you're in a tricky position though, and obviously don't want to rock the boat when you're so new.

Could you have a quiet word with the HR manager, assuming your work has one, and ask how they think you should handle the situation, without naming the culprits.

That way you have made them aware, but also shown that you're willing to take advice and assess a situation before jumping straight in. I have learned through bitter experience that it's not the best policy at work, no matter how wrong the situation is.

Good luck, in an ideal world we would all feel confident enough to challenge discrimination and racism of any sort, but these are very unsettling times we live in,and I don't feel as confident as I used to that the majority would agree.

Pheasantplucker2 · 05/09/2020 22:18

@Serin

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
Serin, I had that exact quote going through my head as I wrote my post. It's getting harder to feel confident that one will not be penalised for speaking up. It doesn't bode at all well for the future. I feel so scared, as I have always spoken out until now, but I have had a couple of very nasty responses that have made me wary.
CrazyToast · 05/09/2020 22:20

@isadoradancing123

Are you the type to say this kind of thing? For the sake of clarity:

saying 'I put something outside and an indian lady came to get it' is different to saying 'Indians always root through bins but I'd rather pay £20 to stop them getting it than take £20 from them for it. And them Pakistanis!" then cackling nastily.

The difference is between describing a situation as it happened, and making a broad generalisation about a group of people, accompanied with derogatory overtones.

Onestepup · 05/09/2020 22:26

You could make them aware that you know what they've been saying. 'Oh you can't find your pen? I'll see if I can find it when I rifle through all the bins after work'. They will be mystified for a few seconds and once they 'get it' you'll have left the room.

Moondust001 · 05/09/2020 22:27

@isadoradancing123

It may well be indians or pakastani or romanians or whoever, it may be white english people going through bins, what is wrong with saying who it is and what they are doing
I suspect that you are being goady, and already know that that isn't the point, but if any group of people were regularly going through the bins to see what they can find, I might be more concerned about the kind of society I lived in where people need to rifle through bins. Oh, damn...i do live in that sort of society. It's called the UK.

OP, I don't there's an easy answer here. I would hate to hear that sort of conversation, and I don't think I could have kept my mouth shut if I'd been paid to, but it's not an easy choice when you are new and you need the job. I don't suppose you are in a union? Because you could speak to the union and ask if they could raise it with HR as a general concern. Other than that, I think I'd be tempted to say that unless you are willing to go the mile, I'd say nothing now. But the next time it happened I would casually saunter out and say something along the lines of "i'm sure you don't mean it to come across this way, but your conversation could be interpreted as being very racist, and I'm sure you wouldn't want to give that appearance". Assertive enough without being too confrontational, and they'd be idiots to risk repeatingb the offence.

Serin · 05/09/2020 22:28

It is absolutely racism.
I would (and have) challenged it.
I would raise it directly with them, I like the Fr Ted approach "should we all be racists now?".
I wouldnt take it to HR in the first instance but I would if I heard it again.

Bluemooninmyeyes1 · 05/09/2020 22:29

Your colleagues sound awful and I would be on my guard around them if I was you. To make your life easier and because you’ve just started your job I would let this incident slide but if you hear any other racist/discriminatory comments I would definitely report them.

I’ll tell you something weird though- a woman I work with is openly racist and posts Britain first memes on social media etc but is best friends with a male on our team from an ethnic minority background- to the point where she feels comfortable enough to splurge racist rubbish out in front of him! The mind boggles.

Xenia · 05/09/2020 22:35

Sounds like it is theft www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-13037808

jessstan2 · 05/09/2020 22:37

That is so horrible. I worked somewhere with people like that (who were otherwise nice), many, many moons ago and wish I had said something but I was young and shy back then. Later on I'd have been quite vocal in opposition.

You could respond by saying you consider that remark to be in poor taste and ask from where they get such stereotypes - let's face it, who has really known people from the background of the Indian subcontinent to go round dustbins, I certainly haven't. Those are ugly remarks.

Good luck.

jessstan2 · 05/09/2020 22:38

@Serin

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
Yes.
ItsAlwaysSunnyOnMN · 05/09/2020 22:39

Oh brownish people must be Indian or Pakistani which is the same to so many Hmm

I don’t like confronting people it gets tiresome and people like those you work with will make similar excuses as some on here have but I would probably ask what makes them think they are Asian

TableFlowerss · 05/09/2020 22:43

[quote Xenia]Sounds like it is theft www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-13037808[/quote]
That’s not the point OP was getting at

And it’s assumed if something goes in the bin then it’s no longer wanted. So it’s saving it from landfill and good for the environment.

OP they were being absolutely racist! I bet they wouldn’t be saying that kind of shit if it was an Indian Doctor saving their life

Arsehole colleagues!!!!