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AIBU?

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Original poster

Racist comments at new job--WWYD?

76 replies

Lakshmibai · 05/09/2020 20:53

I have just started a new job. This week I was in my office which adjoins the main open-plan office. I overheard a group conversation which went like this:

'My aunty puts stuff in her bins and Indians come and take it'
'Indians always come and do that.'
'You leave something outside and its gone in an hour.'
'One of them offered her 20 quid for it but she said she'd rather pay 20 quid to take it to the tip'
(general agreement ensued)
'hahahah Indians, they even come over from xxx nearby town just to see what they can get from bins'
'Pakistanis do it too'

All said in a mocking way.

I didn't run out there and say anything to them. Now I feel bad and unsure what, if anything I should do. What they were saying was really derogatory. But if I bring it up, things will not go well for me in that job, especially since I'm new. I don't want to let it slide either though. The team is very small and it will be obvious who flagged it, if I do. If I'd been in the room I would have had to speak up but I was just overhearing and it will be my word against theirs.

It's not too late to flag it up to management as it just happened on Friday.

WWYD? AIBU to say nothing? Or to say something?

OP posts:
Fishypants · 05/09/2020 22:58

It is awful to say but yes it does depend on what type of people are running the organisation. Will they be receptive and treat this accordingly or brush it under the carpet and minimise? It's a judgement call but one that is necessary to make especially if it is a smaller company.

My brother worked for a small private company and complained to a manager about a racist remark a colleague said to him. The senior manager told him to ignore it as it wasn't racist. The manager then admitted he himself said the N word and P word (and actually said the full words) all the time "at home" and that wasn't racist either, as it was not meant "in a bad way". My brother was gobsmacked and realised that this was the nature of the company. He left as soon as he could.

So I would try to see whether they will take it seriously. If not, I would steer clear of such colleagues then try to find a company which does not tolerate behaviour. Unfortunately there are quite a few incidents like this that do happen in workplaces IME but well done for wanting to take action.

isadoradancing123 · 05/09/2020 23:00

Yes i would rather pay £20 to have it taken away than have someone go through my bins

Fink · 05/09/2020 23:07

It's hard because it wasn't exactly said in your presence, but you happened to be close enough to overhear.

If it were me, I would let it slide for once and make a plan for next time, because there almost certainly will be a next time. So if it's in front of you next time, then fine you can confront it directly. If not and you overhear it again, think now about what you will do ... go out there and challenge it, report it later ...?

Neversayn1 · 05/09/2020 23:10

To be honest I would contact HR about it. Management may not do much but HR should do.

PuppyPowerPowder · 05/09/2020 23:13

[quote Xenia]Sounds like it is theft www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-13037808[/quote]
Are you deliberately missing the point of the thread?

Hint — it was not about the legality of helping yourself to other people’s rubbish.

Warpdrive · 05/09/2020 23:18

It isnt acceptable and if you bringing it up to your manager wouldn't go down well, do you even want to be working there?

You do need to say something, of course you do.

SharonasCorona · 05/09/2020 23:23

@june2007

Rather then flag it up with management can you flag it up with the people who said it?
Why on Earth shouldn’t she flag it to management? Stop minimising racism Angry
SharonasCorona · 05/09/2020 23:25

[quote Xenia]Sounds like it is theft www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-13037808[/quote]
Here comes Xeniaphobia

Fiona1987 · 05/09/2020 23:28

In the current climate, I'd wait 6 months until I passed my probationary period and then I'd raise hell. They will probably continue to say racist things so will give you loads of cannon fudder.

In fact, this is what I've done. I had to ensure countless racist comments by a colleague and once I passed my probationary period, I made sure I had the last laugh and dragged his a** in front of HR

You have to be smart and cunning about those things

SharonasCorona · 05/09/2020 23:29

OP, from your username, I think you’re Asian. I’m Asian too and I would have been so, so upset if I had heard those comments. It’s these types of comments that make many Asian people wary of forming friendships with white people. I think people think we can brush these comments aside, but we remember each one as if it’s a scar on our psyche, it does such harm to us and our self- esteem.

RedLeicesterRedLeicester · 05/09/2020 23:34

My opinion is I’d never feel comfortable at work going forward without resolving it so I think in the long run you’ll be doing yourself a favour to report to your manager. It will eat away at you

Original poster
Lakshmibai · 05/09/2020 23:42

@isadoradancing123 Clearly you would fit right in to my new office.

@SharonasCorona Yes I am indian. The majority of the office is white. Actually it may be the whole office is white, not sure because I dont think I have met everyone yet. This kind of talk is nothing I havent heard before in general and online but I was still quite shocked to hear it in an academic workplace. Really I should have popped out like 'tada! and shamed them all. But I already feel uncomfortable there due to being new so didn't do anything :-(

OP posts:
GoodbyePorpoiseSpit · 05/09/2020 23:46

I think you should talk to management. Do you want to work in an inclusive, welcoming environment? If you do, I think you have to escalate this or things will never change. It doesn’t have to get anyone in trouble but your colleagues need to understand that their words and let’s call it ‘casual racism’ causes harm.

GoodbyePorpoiseSpit · 05/09/2020 23:47

BTW I know that’s not easy at all so apologies if my post sounded like that would be an easy option :(

Yeahnahmum · 05/09/2020 23:49

Raise it if you wanna loose your job. Just wait until probation period is over. And in the meantime just calmly speak up if something like this comes up again.

Yeahnahmum · 05/09/2020 23:50

I meant. Dont raise it now. But do raise it when your probation period is over. But firstly try to talk to the people who said it instead of going to hr.

Livelovebehappy · 05/09/2020 23:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Shizzlestix · 05/09/2020 23:55

I think the most powerful thing would have been for you to walk in and tell them how disgusted you were. Anyhow, I’d be speaking to management/HR.

Is taking things from bins a thing in any community? Never heard this.

ItsAlwaysSunnyOnMN · 05/09/2020 23:56

Oh yes they would because to them they would say if confronted oh we don’t mean you

Many people separate western dressed Asians to those in non western clothing

Or those on wearing a headscarf who are probably not Asian at all (many Asian wouldn’t wear second hand clothing never mind going through bins)

IdblowJonSnow · 06/09/2020 00:01

I'd be shocked to hear this in an academic workplace too. It's not on.
Were they saying it to wind you up? Were they aware you were listening?
I'd make a note of it and play it by ear on monday/tuesday.
I'd imagine there would be more of this sort of thing so you could either gather more ammunition or report it to HR and see if they can nip it in the bud?
How disappointing for you and sorry you had this experience and have been put in this situation so soon into a new job.

Neversayn1 · 06/09/2020 00:02

@Livelovebehappy

I don’t believe this took place. Can’t believe that a group of people would have a conversation like this, in an open office, where they know a new colleague of the race they are talking about is right there in an office next to them. People just wouldn’t be so stupid.
They would. Look at the man who worked for the BBC and got sacked over posting a monkey over Harry and Megans baby and thought it was “a funny joke”.

People feel comfortable and entitled.

Neversayn1 · 06/09/2020 00:04

@Shizzlestix

I think the most powerful thing would have been for you to walk in and tell them how disgusted you were. Anyhow, I’d be speaking to management/HR.

Is taking things from bins a thing in any community? Never heard this.

Yes it is a thing!
BrummyMum1 · 06/09/2020 00:06

Personally I would make a written note of this incident and any further incidents until you‘ve reached the end of your probation period. Absolutely their comments shouldn’t be tolerated but management should take this seriously regardless of when you choose to raise it.

Original poster
Lakshmibai · 06/09/2020 00:07

@Livelovebehappy You would think! I had been hidden away in the side office for hours and it was only my second day in. I doubt they remembered I was there or thought I could hear. And likely they didnt think there was anything wrong with it. From past experience, these things just spill out of people's mouths without brain engaging.

@ItsAlwaysSunnyOnMN Yes I agree with that. Sometimes people dont equate those they know with the group they are slating.

OP posts:
PersephonePromotesEquanimity · 06/09/2020 00:13

If they were deliberately staging this conversation outside the office of their new, Indian colleague then it's not even "casual racism" is it? That's a concerted attack on you.

Really hope this didn't happen ...