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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset by neighbours behaviour/ feel bullied and can't see a solution?

63 replies

Malikka · 05/09/2020 19:49

My neighbours are awful, started a thread about issues with them letting selves into my garden earlier this week. I found it really quite upsetting and am frustrated because I can't see any option but to move. I am planning to move but not for 2 years or so unfortunately. I guess I need some coping strategies in the meantime.

Another incident occured today - my partner and I (he doesn't live here) were spraying weeds in the front garden.

I don't speak to the neighbours children ever. Since a kick off with the mother several years ago. If they say hello I ignore them, as she told me not to speak to them (I told her kids to get out of my garden, she said I wasn't to tell them anything, screamed at me that I'm mental and everyone knows about me etc). So back to today...all next doors kids are mobbing about with some pals. One of the other (non neighbour) kids says 'what are you spraying, is it weedkiller or water' his mate laughs and says weedkiller obviously, I say yes it is weedkiller. Perfectly polite. All good so far. The mate then laughs, says 'sorry he's a bit stupid' and we smile, DP says clearly. Not mocking, just agreeing.

As this is happening I can hear one of the neighbours kids shouting 'you're not to speak to them she's crazy she has mental health problems she's mad' (meaning me).

The mother next door is sat in their front garden so hears all this. Says nothing. The kid who asked the original question has decided he didn't like his mate laughing at him so starts shouting to neighbour that we called him stupid and sprayed weedkiller on him. Neighbours kids join in 'yeah mum they spoke to us they're not allowed to speak to us cos she's mental'.

Also another neighbours dog (which is allowed to wander the streets as they don't walk it or care for it) was wandering around and in the middle of the road as cars were passing. I said to DP about the poor dog and how it really upset one of my friends (who is an animal lover) as she nearly ran it over once and couldn't believe it was left out to roam. Next doors kids then start shouting 'mum she's going to run over the dog, she's going to kill it'. Dog then comes in our garden, I shush it out (because of the weedkiller) and neighbours kids again start shouting how I'm trying to kill the bloody dog!

This nonsense goes on for about 20 mins, we ignore it because what else can we do?

Later in the back garden I heard them still name calling me in front of their parents.

All kids are under 12 btw.

I am really at a loss. I feel utterly victimised. My DP is a big bloke, weighs 20st and over 6ft. He would have scared me as a kid because of his size but not these little sods. I honestly would never have backtalked an adult like this when I was a child and I certainly wouldn't have dared to tell barefaced lies, nor call an adult names. I would have expected a good slap from my parents for doing so. That's not to endorse physical punishment but I am just shocked by this behaviour.

I am really upset about them calling me names, saying I'm mental etc. This is obviously something the parents say about me all the time. I feel there is literally nothing I can do but ignore which feels weak. I have been namecalled a lot in my life and although I know the advice is ignore it, I never found it stopped, if anything ignoring it made it worse. I'm just sick of little kids feeling they can call me fat, ugly, mental etc without any consequence. I have done nothing to them at all other than have the misfortune to be their neighbour, and keep myself to myself. Oh and once object to their kids letting themselves into my garden.

What do I do? There's nothing is there, I just have to live with it. It's fucking horrible and makes us prisoners in our home, I have a big back garden and front garden and can't enjoy either because of this crap.

OP posts:
OverTheRainbow88 · 05/09/2020 20:01

Can you rent out your house and rent another one until you can move?

You don’t really want to contact the police as this will make your house harder to sell.

I would try and enjoy your garden though as just ignore them- Easier said than done I know!
I feel for you, must be awful. We’ve had new neighbours move in yesterday, I’m praying they are nice.

Pembsgirl · 05/09/2020 20:02

Oh dear, I really feel for you! We once had neighbours with 6 kids who were an absolute nightmare, and there was absolutely NOTHING we could do. They did stuff like kicking their football at our front windows, threw stones over my new car, stood at the top of their slide in the garden and tormented our dog, you name it, they did it. One night we were particularly pissed off as it had been going on all day (summer school holidays), I went storming in the house, totally at the end of my tether, and told my poor husband if he didn't do something about it, I was leaving! Like I said, I was at the end of my tether! He called the police for advice, and they asked him if he had a garden hose, he said "yes, but surely I can't give them a soaking, can I?" To which the officer responded "by the time we get there, they'll be dry again". We followed this advice, oh boy, what a mistake! They leapt off the slide, and began literally jumping at our new wooden fence until they'd smashed holes in it! We called the police again, and they came out, as it was criminal damage, so their parents were cautioned to keep the kids under better control. A couple of weeks later, a 'For Sale' sign went up in their garden, all of the other neighbours were so excited at the prospect of getting rid of them, that we agreed we'd have a street party when they went, which we actually did! My advice would be move a.s.a.p. as you'll never change people like this, we were just lucky that they went, otherwise we definitely would have had to for the sake of my mental health. It's surprising how much this sort of thing can get to you, and it probably doesn't seem so bad, until you actually go through it yourself, but to me it was my worst NIGHTMARE!

Malikka · 05/09/2020 20:09

The police are completely weak, the neighbours with the dog deal drugs and have a variety of uninsured vehicles and nothings been done about that so I know they will do zero over this. I've been burgled twice and no one even came out.

I can't rent the house out as it needs a fair bit of work (which I am doing myself but it will take time and money to complete, plus new carpets etc, I can't do any of it straight away. By the time it is all done in about 18 months we do have plans to move... it's mainly coping now til then I need to try and find a way.

OP posts:
Ishihtzuknot · 05/09/2020 20:15

Sorry to hear this is still going on and getting worse, they sound absolutely disgusting.
Log it with 101 every time to start keeping a record. They are verbally assaulting you and harassing you by calling you names and being encouraged to by the adults because you won’t allow them to trespass in your garden. You can’t put up with this anymore, they are vile bullies.
Do you own your homes or are there landlords involved? Sorry couldn’t remember. If so contact the landlords with a diary of what’s happening and report each and every incident. This will be trickier if you own your house as it’ll be harder to get away.
Get some cctv set up, even if you just get something similar to a Ring doorbell for the front garden to record any time they bother you. Warning signs may deter them ‘recording in process/smile you’re on camera’ etc.
Don’t engage any further regardless of who talks to you or how innocent it seems. They don’t deserve your time and energy. They have no right to treat you like this.
I have terrible neighbours too so I sympathise with how you’re feeling, I’m also trying to move to escape idiots like this it really is hell Flowers

m0therofdragons · 05/09/2020 20:15

You can’t win being polite or arguing so I’d play to them... “I know, I’m totally unhinged - you probably should keep your distance and not speak about me in my hearing as I might go mental. I wouldn’t risk it if I were you!”
Then cackle manically.

Ilikewinter · 05/09/2020 20:19

Instead of putting time and money into a house you plan to leave why not price it to sell now?

Malikka · 05/09/2020 20:24

We can't move for various reasons for another couple of years as the plan is to move out of area and it's just not possible right now, when I do I may be renting this out long term or selling.

Selling to move locally and then moving again in a couple of years would be too expensive (with all the legal fees and stamp duty) and I couldn't rent it out in its present state. So we are stuck, for now at least.

OP posts:
LakieLady · 05/09/2020 20:40

I wish I could come and stay with you, OP, I have a stoney-faced glare that can silence even the most obnoxious of children.

It must be really awful, but at least you know it won't be forever. Get cracking on with the work on your place, the sooner it's done, the sooner you can say good riddance to them.

Malikka · 05/09/2020 20:57

See, I have a withering look. However looking at these kids would result in 'mum/dad, she's looking at me, shes mental, shes crazy, fat ugly witch' etc

I know I don't come across as a pushover, my DC's friends regard me as a 'take no shit' parent and were all a bit scared of me at first, and even now (late teens) are very polite and respectful. Complete opposite of these kids who for some reason with their parents have singled me out to victimise.

OP posts:
FedUpAtHomeTroels · 05/09/2020 21:38

CCTV they all sounds unhinged. You need to cover your asses for when they really start acussing you of stuff you never did.

justanotherneighinparadise · 05/09/2020 21:54

I know this sounds a bit extreme but I’d get one of those body cameras the police and bailiffs wear and is make sure I was wearing it every time I went out in the garden. Then I’d put together s body of film and I’d do everything I could to get the council or police involved as they are harassing you.

TellySavalashairbrush · 05/09/2020 22:18

I agree with a couple of cameras on your property and do not acknowledge them, or respond to anything they say to you. As awful as it is, there is light at the end of the tunnel as you plan to move at some point. If they rent their property a little tip off to the landlord would also be good. You could do it anonymously. I’d definitely share that drug dealing is going on .

Malikka · 05/09/2020 23:37

I have a camera at the front of the house, have had it for a couple of years now. Looking to get one for the back too.

I'm still shocked kids can behave like this to adults and be allowed to get away with it, or for the adults basically to encourage it.

They own their house. I was expecting them to move by now as their house is quite small and they have a lot of children, but sadly not. Knowing my luck they will move 6 months after I do. I suspect they would love my house, but I don't think they could afford it. And I'd rather not sell it than sell it to them!

It's other neighbours (same street but a few doors away) who let their dog roam and deal drugs - no one seems to care about the dog or the drugs though, the police have been notified by me and others but don't do anything. That property is housing association but I don't think they are bothered either.

OP posts:
Shizzlestix · 06/09/2020 00:05

I think I’d stop and stare and tell them you don’t have my problems (regardless of the truth) and say ‘No idea why you think that. Whoever told you is a liar’.

Why were they accessing your garden?

Ultimately, unpleasant dc grow up. We had issues with a dc who screamed from dawn til dusk 2 doors away. Parents just ignored her. She grew up and no longer makes our life hell.

Malikka · 06/09/2020 10:09

I take or rather have taken medication for anxiety and depression. I also possibly have ADHD although this hasn't been diagnosed but I seem to fit a lot of the criteria. However my neighbours don't know this and i don't think this warrants shouting about my MH issues even if they did.

The kids from next door were coming into my garden to get balls back they had deliberately thrown over the fence, rather than wait for me to throw them back. There are 5 of them aged 5-11, so I don't think realistically anything will change in the next 2 years.

OP posts:
AlternativePerspective · 06/09/2020 10:15

If they’re throwing balls over the fence I would puncture them then bin them. Then if they come in just deny that they were ever there. As they’ve thrown them over they won’t have a leg to stand on.

Malikka · 06/09/2020 10:26

I was advised not to do this because it could be considered criminal damage and it will be my word against theirs, obviously the parents would say it was an accident, not that their unsupervised kids row and then one throws the others ball over ,(it isn't just balls either, they sling toys and rubbish over too. And kick their ball repeatedly against my fence which will almost certainly end up breaking like the previous one.

OP posts:
user24 · 06/09/2020 10:33

I would just shout (or mutter) fuck off and go inside. No need to hang around and listen to it if it upsets you that much

AlternativePerspective · 06/09/2020 10:56

How can it be criminal damage if you deny the balls were even there. And given they’re on your property it’s not criminal damage anyway. But if you just say you haven’t seen the ball then they have to admit they’ve thrown it over.

if the balls disappear from your garden they seriously don’t have a leg to stand on. They’re on your property, therefore yours to do with as you see fit.

Malikka · 06/09/2020 10:57

I am inside as much as possible, which isn't great because I have a big garden I'd like to be able to enjoy but can't.

Yesterday I was only out in the front long enough to do the weedkilling task and some general sweeping up (maybe 30 mins) but I basically feel like a prisoner in my own home, as do my DC.

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 06/09/2020 11:00

Remember you're a better person than them. They sound like scum

Malikka · 06/09/2020 11:01

Re the balls the parents would obviously say it was an accident and they'd seen it come over (even if they hadn't). So it would be my word against theirs, 7 of them against me. They are the sort to go down the bins to 'prove' it was me. I can't take the risk as the role I do requires me not to have any kind of criminal record (I even have to declare if I got any points on my licence, not that I do thankfully).

OP posts:
OwlinaTree · 06/09/2020 11:08

They sound awful op, I'm so sorry you are living like this.

You referred to a plan to rent it out in the future - tbh I think I'd sell as if they are like this with any future neighbours they will be looking to you to sort it out. You need these people out of your life.

Why do people behave like this?

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 06/09/2020 11:09

Can you report it as a 'hate incident' based on your MH? There's some wide definition around something being a hate incident if it could be perceived as one by anyone. Might get the police to have a word with them.

Malikka · 06/09/2020 11:14

I'm not sure it would qualify as hate. Also all the kids are 11 or less so I doubt the police would even take a report. And if they did, no doubt I'd get name-calling because of that.

I don't really get why or how they are so cocky. Most kids I knew (and I grew up in a rough area) would not have dared play up in front of an adult, or even if they did, they wouldn't have dared to someone of my OHs size/build. But that has confirmed to me it's not me as a woman they are attacking, it's anyone. My neighbours the other side are lovely btw, super quiet and keep themselves to themselves. As tbh do most people in the street.

OP posts: