The advice and reasons people have gave for my sons' Autism

[Itsfunny]

I posted this on another thread but thought I'd share it here again to start a new discussion as I feel there is so much ignorance when it comes to Autism.i see and hear it constantly and experience it almost every time I have my son in public.

The 'helpful'things that people,family and strangers and care givers have said to me over the years
oh but autistic kids are geniuses really
He just needs to be told no and shown who's in charge
Hes just spoilt
Hes just badly behaved
Autism isn't real,hes just naughty
It's your fault because you were depressed when pregnant with him,bad hormones gave him Autism
I know someone who has autism who's a doctor now
I know someone who has Autism who couldn't speak but now is a millionaire
Have you tried putting him to sleep earlier?
Isn't there a place you could put him in like a hospital?
Have you tried feeding him xyz, so and sos child got better eating that
He will outgrow it
Hit him when he tries to scratch you so he wont do it
Lock him in a room and leave him to calm down
Did your scan not tell you he was this bad?
Its because you were in your 30s when you had him
Its because you did something in your bad life and this is your punishment
Some people are just meant to suffer
Have you asked the doctors if they can shock therapy his brain into working?
Dont know how you do it,I couldn't.
Autism is just an excuse for bad behaviour
You need to be firmer with him

These are some of the wonderful bits of advice from a range of people, might surprise you that majority of these people are classed as well educated.

My reality is a severely autistic child who has learning disabilities and has no comprehension or understanding of language, so he cant follow an instruction and isn't being obtuse or naughty.my reason for this thread is so people who dont know come to realise this.

You could ask how that affects her day to day or how her dd is doing?
No one expects you to know lots of info but don’t try to make it better by saying things that minimise and dismiss.
I know full well that people who say things like “oh my ds does that” mean well and it’s their attempt at empathy but the reality is, that it minimises the impact of being autistic on the person who is autistic and the carer who is fighting and advocating for them.

punishing, not publishing. Bloody autocorrect. Guess I should be happy it didn't write a dirty word. Won't even tell you what it wanted to write to my mum when I wrote to tell her about our skilled plummer. Don't go et me wrong, he was alright but I didn't think of him like the way autocorrect suggested 😂😉

I have a diagnosed 4 year old. Mega intelligent (not being braggy, she just is), great speech etc but cannot cope with other children at all or even much loved relatives for long periods of time. Masks well already, until it all unravels later on.

Best one I've heard? "Is she like that because you're a stay at home mum? Maybe if she'd have gone to nursery like my kids she'd know how to socialise".

Uh huh. Sure, Jan.

She went to playgroup from 2y 9m three mornings a week to give her socialisation opportunities before school. It's how we first noticed something wasn't right. I could never take her to any baby/toddler/small child activity groups/parties or to mix with groups of friends children etc because - understandably, now - she went utterly utterly batshit every time I tried.

But no, it's because I didn't put her in nursery full time from six months old, she's missed that golden window of opportunity! Tis all my fault. I probably cuddled her too much too. I've also been asked if it's because I am a soft parent who mollycoddles her and wouldn't do CIO as a baby AND I used to use a sling when she was tiny, and of course being a close, loving and attentive mum to a small baby gives them autism, right? They just don't know how to mix these kids! 🙄

Not digging at working mums or people who have children in nursery from young btw, just the fuckwits who think things like that can cause your child to have ASD!

Best one I've heard? "Is she like that because you're a stay at home mum? Maybe if she'd have gone to nursery like my kids she'd know how to socialise".

Don't worry about it, when i first raised concerns about DS i had his school SENCO tell me in an email that he was probably just attention seeking because I was working full time with occasional travelling and I should consider adjusting my work-home balance to help him feel more secure. I very much enjoyed forwarding the email to the governors.

I have only read about half the posts but it seems we all get alot of the same. My worst ones:-

Teacher at Annual Review "imagine the progress the other children would make with 1:1 support"

Staff member at a indoor play centre "do you really want him on with the normal kids?"

Woman coming out of the disabled loo after about 20 minutes and trying to justify not using the baby change "it's so difficult having to change a nappy"

Professionals in meetings - mum says (I usually point out that we should contact the Sun newspaper as we'd make a fortune with them being older than me etc/ tell them what I want for mothers day)

General - we all have it, it's a spectrum.

I've got a 14 year old who has Aspergers syndrome and a 6 year old who has global development delay and being assessed for autism.

I get a lot of "so he doesn't have proper autism then" about my eldest and "but he doesn't look autistic".

With my youngest it's all things like "he needs to learn not to eat leaves/lick cars/tell random strangers he loves them".

I've had most of the comments on this thread said to me over the past 18 or so years, but I will add a few of my most favourite comments said by people who alledgedly know about and understand Autism spectrum conditions.

Senco, "you have to make him go to sleep earlier" my son barely slept since the day he was born and he was nine when this conversation took place. I asked her how do I make him go to sleep, no response to that.

Same senco, we won't need to get the EP to do a formal assessment because he has a diagnosis of Asperger's. I asked what she meant and she basically said that anyone who has Asperger's can't possibly have any learning difficulties. In fact DS has multiple learning disabilities.
HT to me, we can meet his needs, HT to LEA, we don't have enough training.

Same senco, you won't get a statement of SEN because he's not severe enough and he's too clever for specialist school. DS went on to spend 7years in specialist education with a statement and later an EHCP.

It's infuriating that all these comments are still being said to parents who are doing their best in less than ideal circumstances and it really is a case of

SAME SHIT, DIFFERENT DECADE.

, or and for everyone that is going through this.

The only comment I would pass to a mum is, you're doing a great job