Who spent their childhood in a flat?

[flatlife]

With coronavirus and all it is looking increasingly likely that my children will spend all of their childhoods in our highrise council flat. Has anyone spent their whole childhood in one without access to a garden? How did it effect you personally growing up? Did you yearn for a garden or were you happy where you were?
I just want to know what my kids are seeing through their eyes.

If it isn't obvious by the time I am posting- I woke up terrified I was destroying my children's lives so please be kind. No 'you shouldn't have had children then' if you can resist.

Your feelings are valid. No you are not ruining your children's lives. Lots of families live in flats. Of course everyone wants a garden but surely that'll make them work harder to achieve that in their adulthood.

Well we are not in uk but we live in one now and one when he was smaller, I've lived in a couple as a child but apart from thinking the world has gone virus mad I think we are turning out ok

hopefully it will make them want to work hard but I think they might become resentful- especially my son as he loves the outdoors.
@seayork2020 what was it like as a child? do you remember anything specifically?
my main upset is that when we hear the ice-cream van they can't run down with a pound. or even look out the window because its so dangerous so ice-cream van song= being told off for climbing to see out the window. my poor babies.

Oh god I’m a horrible mother then, when the ice cream van comes mine goes and looks at it and then I tell her she can have an ice cream or ice lolly from the freezer. Last time we got ice creams from the van it cost £7-something for three cones!!!

Slightly off topic but as you did mention it!!

More relevantly although I was brought up in a house, I honestly think your children will be absolutely fine and having a garden or not is not what makes a happy childhood. I was brought up in a two up two down house with a paved yard. I honestly never gave a thought to the fact some people had grass in their back gardens and we didn’t. You adjust to the reality presented to you.

This fascination with houses is predominantly a UK thing. Most people in mainland Europe live perfectly well in flats all their lives for generations. Never have I heard anyone complain or be badly affected because they lived or grew up in a flat. I grew up in a house and now we are in a townhouse out of choice, because we prefer to live in central London. Never thought the DC would be badly affected. Numerous parks around. It is not where you live but rather how you live for me.

I lived in a flat until I was 10, albeit we did have an outdoor walkway to the front door. It was an inner city area, my school school's playground was concrete and in the middle of an industrial estate, and I can't remember any local parks.

And I have nothing but fond memories.

To be honest - it never crossed my mind until you posted that I grew up without a garden! I had friends who lived in houses with gardens but don't remember every feeling envious or really noticing the difference - or even playing much in them.

Ironically, after an adulthood of living in houses with various sized gardens (from a small yard to a decent sized plot), I now live in an apartment, in an overseas city not known for houses with traditional garden spaces.

Hand on heart: I don't think it ever affected me at all.

I wish you and your family every happiness; a warm, happy home is honestly worth more than a garden could ever be.

Look this may get me in trouble on herr but I think your attitude is more of a problem to your children then where you live, we went to the icecream van or had other treats. We still went out and played and just got on with life, we weren't bothered same as my son is not, he lived in a house with a massive yard and never played in it

It was just life

I have lived in a mixture of houses and flats, and my DC are living in a flat atm.

I'm from Italy where lots of people live in big blocks of flats and there is no stigma too it. A city centre flat in Milan (even with DC) is seen as nicer than a house out on the edges.
Honestly, the only particularly 'flat based' memory I have is being told not to stomp too much and annoy the people downstairs...personally I think I'm a better neighbour than DH who just crashes about loudly everywhere!

My DM (who grew up on the third floor) says she misses being high up and having the views. All the DC in the block used to be really close too and be in an out of wach others flats all the time.

I grew up in a 3 bed semi, never had a back garden to enjoy because it was an overgrown jungle for my whole childhood. Now I think back, my parents should have been embarrassed!
We played in the front garden while very young but from about age 5 all kids just played in the cul-de-sac together (this was 80s/90s with alot less cars around).

No I grew up in a big house in the country. The were pros and cons, bit the drawbacks included being very cold and drafty and far away from any kind of civilisation. My mother always talked about flats with disdain but I used to think it sounded more interesting to live near other people and maybe some shops. Our nearest neighbours were some cows.

I live in a flat with my kids too OP. I'd love a house but can't afford one.

However, whenever I ask dc if they'd prefer a house they say they love the flat. They have a vaguely interesting view from their bedroom. Like pp I do ask them not to run/jump crash around out of respect for one neighbours.

I dont think you need to worry.

I grew up in a flat, didn’t really know any different, it just was what it was.

I think though, and I could be wrong, gardens are much more utilised now, I didn’t know anyone with garden furniture or swings etc or anyone who basically did much in their garden. Kids would play out their on a hot day with their normal toys or skipping ropes or balls etc, and parents would maintain it.

I think the whole sitting out under a gazebo, sun loungers, bbqs etc and a much more social space is a more modern phenomenon, it wasn’t previously common. Happy to be corrected though.

As long as they have an open space to go to, I don’t think it matters.

We are bringing our children up in a flat. At the moment they are very small and our flat is a 2 bed so we know we will have to move in the future but I have the same concerns as you sometimes. But honestly, we would probably only use a garden for about 3 months of the year because of the good old British weather. I think it's more about how you live rather than where. We take ds out a lot, big walks in all weather's etc. And he is very close to his aunt and cousins who have a massive garden so even if we did have one I think he would be there mostly anyway!
We have the huge benefit of gorgeous views and being so close to the village town center because of where we live. Our liveable space in this flat is actually a lot more than it was in the 2 up 2 down we had before (went from private rent to council).
In all honesty, I think our dc are going to love being so close to everything in the village and being able to see all the village celebrations from their window like the fireworks!

We were driving past a few big blocks of flats the other day and my 9 year old said she really wanted to live in one. She's very sociable and there isn't many other kids on our street and she got all wistful about the idea that you could have friends in the same building to walk to and from school with. She isn't fussed about our garden.

We live in a tiny rented terrace with a small back yard. DD has a play house but never goes in it- we just go to the local parks a lot! I had gardens as a kid but never used them!! My kids would like a trampoline but the world won’t end if they don’t!!

Hi @flatlife we are in a similar position. We are in a flat with our two year old. It's 69m2 and she doesn't have her own bedroom. I'm desperate to move and before corona we were looking for a bigger place. We actually found another flat - but at least this had 3 bedrooms and a balcony. But we both got furloughed and had to pull out at the last minute.

I've spent ages trying to think of some advantages to the situation. City living in a small space. I grew up in a village, in a house with a garden. It wasn't until my parents recent visit and their comments on how differently I am forced to parent, due to lack of space, that I realized there are some benefits:

1. As kids, we spent a lot of time in our garden, with our neighbors around to play. However, it meant our circle was limited to our safe little couldesac and our swing set. Instead, every day after nursery we take dd to one of the local playgrounds for 2 hours. Even when it's dark, they are lit up enough for a game of ball on the courts etc. and we wrap up warm. She meets kids from all backgrounds, religions, skin colors and she has to learn to fend for herself and understand playground rules. My parents constantly commented on her climbing ability and agility, because she's spent so much time on the monkey bars, climbing frames, and playing sports with older kids.

1. Less space means less stuff and as long as you have a good system in place, less cleaning. A quick clean and tidy on a Friday evening and we are up and out on Saturday and Sunday mornings. We spent most weekends watching cartoons and playing computer games, with the occasional day out.

1. She's learning to be street wise. When I was a teenager, I remember always being scared to try a new bus route, ask for things in shops etc. Her exposure to city life and getting the underground/bus everywhere means she has already recognized if we get on the bus here, then we are likely going here etc. in shops and restaurants I encourage her to ask herself if she wants something.

1. One day, if/when we finally move to a bigger place, I hope she will really, really appreciate it and if she is old enough, understand that it's not a god given right, but something you work to achieve. I hope she will have compassion for people less fortunate than her, and know that it isn't about the size of your home, but the people inside it.

I know there are people living in big houses that are teaching there children all of those things. But for us personally, I think we might not have if we hadn't been in this situation, because having a house and garden makes it so much easier to stay in your bubble. And yes, having space and a garden is the better option, if you have the means. But we don't right now, so I try to focus on the positives and make the most of what we already have until we can one day have more.

A big house doesn't make you a good parent op. The fact you are concerned about your kids welfare and upbringing like this shows you want to do your best for your them, and that's all we can do.

Yes! I grew up in a flat. There were nicely landscaped gardens where I played with other children from neighboring flats. It was nice! We moved to a house when I was 12 and it might have been a mistake. My single mum was not good at DIY, and maintaining the house and garden was a lot of effort (there were a lot of hidden problems). And it was kind of isolating.

I was partly raised in a flat outside of the uk and I loved it! There were lots of children and we shared a playground and a sandpit. I think flats are ideal for only children because you are surrounded by friends and quickly learn how to negotiate friendships. As long as you are out and about to parks or walking I'm sure your DC will be fine

I grew up in a flat til I was a teenager OP. I was in a very urban area, but I didn’t miss a garden at all, It was just something we didn’t have. I actually loved living in a flat, living all on one level is in a way very ‘child friendly’, we had friends in the block, I loved being high up, and we just went to local parks and for walks constantly so never felt like I missed out on outdoor space to play, at all. I hope you feel reassured OP.

@WhoAmIWhoAreYou

Your feelings are valid. No you are not ruining your children's lives. Lots of families live in flats. Of course everyone wants a garden but surely that'll make them work harder to achieve that in their adulthood.

That's not true. We used to live in a lovely penthouse flat in central London. We could have bought a house for half the price but it wasn't what we wanted. We definitely did not want a garden.

I lived in a high rise flat my whole childhood and teen years (and parents are still there so still go back to visit) and I was very happy living there! In a quiet little bubble but within a massive city it is a safe area and although I didn't have a garden we had all the other kids to play with and would go to parks together etc. I'm not sure it ever occurred to me that we didn't have a garden!

It wasn’t so much a garden I missed as it would have just been a plain garden anyway with no big toys etc as we didn’t have them. Personally I hated having to be very quiet because of the neighbours, hearing the neighbours, no space for anything and no privacy.

I don’t think it’s all on the living accommodation but the area and parenting. Those can make a huge difference regardless of the dwelling.

I lived in a tower block flat on a council estate until mid teens. I didn’t mind the lack of garden, my mum was the only one who saw it as issue and got fed up taking us to the park to get out. as an adult I completely understand your concerns as Me and my children lived in a flat for 2 years when I left my ex and I hated it, the lack of outdoors and all the stairs really got to me, but my children didn’t mind and loved looking at the view across London. They still talk about the memories of living there.
For us it meant we spent more time outside as I couldn’t just send them in the garden and as a child I was always out with the neighbour kids. Even when we eventually moved to a house we didn’t use the garden and still went outside on the estate.
Try to see the positives in where you live, flats aren’t alway negative and a lot of countries don’t get the fuss about houses with gardens. It’s what your children call home and they’ll love the memories they make with you wherever you live. Thousands upon thousands of kids grow up in flats and do fine, it’s being a home and family that counts not the building.

I was brought up in a council flat and tbh I just didn’t think about what it would be like to have a garden.
We have quite a large garden and my dcs barely used it when they were younger ,they preferred to go to the local park where they were able to play with other children.

Not currently in the UK and I live in s flat. Most of the people in the country where I am currently living (Switzerland) live in flat's.

I haven't noticed any longer phycological damage inflicted on the children, as stated I think it is more of an issue with everyone in the UK being obsessed by houses!!