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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should I call police on son?

44 replies

Teadrinka · 04/09/2020 23:45

OK - in brief:

My son now aged 24 has all kinds of issues. OK some justified, as a child he was abused by a former partner of mine

All the help available has been offered him.

Fast forward supporting him through very difficult drug and alcohol afflicted years...

After a 2 year sentence for a few violent offences (one against me) Probation temporarily placed him with my elderly,sick & disabled mother. I was horrified - but DS is her only grandchild & the sun shines out of his she has always spoiled him. I wasn't able to stop her taking him in.

Since then he's leached off her, she's had to take her purse to bed with her, hide any alcohol etc.

Now, my mum is in hospital with terminal cancer. My son is in her house & I think that he's having a party there.

Do I call the police & tell them this?

OP posts:
SuperCaliFragalistic · 04/09/2020 23:52

I'm sorry you are going through this. Is your mum likely to return home at all or is he likely to be living there on his own for some time / until the house is sold? It's not illegal to have a party, do you think they are taking drugs or damaging the property? I would possibly call the police if I thought that would be likely to result in the least bad outcome all round.

Is he still on probation? You can tell the probation officer about the problems and they might be able to suggest a better way through this.

HermioneGranger20 · 04/09/2020 23:53

Call the police for a party you don't actually know he is having? I don't get it.

ColdCottage · 04/09/2020 23:57

If he is breaking the law re drugs or the Covid social gathering guidelines then yes if call 101

TitianaTitsling · 04/09/2020 23:58

OK some justified, as a child he was abused by a former partner of mine . You sound a little bit flippant about this, how old was he? Was this sexual, physical, emotional?

safariboot · 04/09/2020 23:58

If you've got definite evidence, not just a hunch, then covid-19 gives you a good excuse to call the police.

Sounds like the probation officers are totally gutless. Allowing someone convicted of violent offences against family to go and live with an elderly and highly vulnerable family member.

Original poster
Teadrinka · 05/09/2020 00:05

Mum terminally ill, but hoping she can come home in a week or two-I'm going to move in to care for her. As for if I think son is holding a party - Well, I told him to leave my flat earlier this eve as he confessed that he was high on LSD. I said that I'd be at mum's house at about 07:30 tomorrow to clean & sort some things out. He told me that he was having a 'few friends around for a smoke and that' so Yes there are very probably drugs & very loud music. No, probation ended before lockdown.

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 05/09/2020 00:10

If you call the cops you know what will happen.

I realise he is 24 but to be abused by someone you introduced into his life you have to take some responsibility for his mental state.

Do you want to see him returned to prison ?

Original poster
Teadrinka · 05/09/2020 00:11

Hello No, I didn't mean to seem flippant about DS suffered. It's just I didn't want to muddy the waters about my current dilemma discussing the possible reasons for DS's MH issues. He had all the support available to him once he told me about the abuse & still has this support available to him. He knows this & it's something that we are able to talk about.

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 05/09/2020 00:11

Also your mum will have taken him in because he would be homeless am I right

Original poster
Teadrinka · 05/09/2020 00:12

No, it was his father

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 05/09/2020 00:13

So it's your call. You know he is having a party so he will know you grassed him up. Who is he hurting ?

Let him have his party. If you will be moving in and looking after your mum his party days will be over

TitianaTitsling · 05/09/2020 00:14

How old was he when he was abused by your partner and how long did it last? I feel you are of the mind set of 'you've had counselling, move on' ?

TitianaTitsling · 05/09/2020 00:15

@Teadrinka

No, it was his father
The abuser was his father?
Anordinarymum · 05/09/2020 00:16

OP you want us to tell you it's ok to call the cops on your damaged son for having a party you already know about. What a slimy thing to do

LupinsNotLilys · 05/09/2020 00:18

Is he doing any damage to your mums property?

If your mums coming home it needs to be suitable for her
Grassing him up tonight won't help anyone
I assume he has some love and respect for your mum? Tell him no more drinks etc at her place as you both need to get it ready for when she comes home

Fwiw you do sound like you're minimalising his pain, that's for him to decide, not you

Best wishes for your mum

Feelingconfused2020 · 05/09/2020 00:20

I wouldn't report. You don't even know for sure what's happening.

I have to admit it seems odd to me that you would even consider reporting your son for this given the backstory. Who do you think you would be helping?

Original poster
Teadrinka · 05/09/2020 00:20

OK, OK To explain DS's B*&^d father abused him. Once I found out I left him & spent 6 years in & out of court while people said my son was too young to know what he was talking about. But we got a conviction in the end! So I don't need people assuming that I let my little boy be abused by some one night stand. I love my son and have supported him when many others would have given up. I have made excuses for him, pleaded with police officers, magistrates & judges for him.

2 weeks ago he pulled a knife on my mother's neighbour's son when asked to turn his music down. He didn't call the police out of respect for my mother - but told me instead.

I guess I'm asking where other people would draw the line because I'm not so sure anymore.

OP posts:
SealionsAndSand · 05/09/2020 00:21

You are minimising the abuse. Having all the resources available to him, doesn't mean he should just be able to get over it.

If the abuse was by his DF, why would you say a former partner of yours.

This post is making no sense

SoulofanAggron · 05/09/2020 00:22

I had no idea parties were illegal.

Wait till he (hopefully never again) does something illegal, that's the time to call the cops on him.

LupinsNotLilys · 05/09/2020 00:25

Is he aware his grandma is coming home?
What's his plans for that?

He could also be struggling with the fact he's about to lose her?

Anordinarymum · 05/09/2020 00:25

@Teadrinka

OK, OK To explain DS's B*&^d father abused him. Once I found out I left him & spent 6 years in & out of court while people said my son was too young to know what he was talking about. But we got a conviction in the end! So I don't need people assuming that I let my little boy be abused by some one night stand. I love my son and have supported him when many others would have given up. I have made excuses for him, pleaded with police officers, magistrates & judges for him.

2 weeks ago he pulled a knife on my mother's neighbour's son when asked to turn his music down. He didn't call the police out of respect for my mother - but told me instead.

I guess I'm asking where other people would draw the line because I'm not so sure anymore.

You are his mum. It was your job to stand up for him. He has lost his way but he's not on the scrapheap. You can't write your son off. A son is for life.
Anordinarymum · 05/09/2020 00:30

I sincerely hope this is not another of those late night troll posts.

I lost my son in an accident at 24 years old. I would give anything, anything to have just 5 minutes with him, and I read stuff like this. It kills me inside. I just hope you don't let him down now as he has so obviously been let down before

BananaPop2020 · 05/09/2020 00:33

@Teadrinka did you inform the Police 2 weeks ago when he pulled the knife on the neighbours son?

OldAndWornOut · 05/09/2020 00:36

I wouldn't hesitate to call the police.
Pussyfooting around has clearly not helped with his issues, he is in his nans home, and he can't spend the rest of his life being violent when asked to have a little respect for others.

greymauve · 05/09/2020 00:41

Hi @Anordinarymum I’m not commenting in regards to this post (as I also really hope it’s not a troll post). I just wanted to say I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. Your post broke my heart. I hope you have all the support around you and that you continue to do so. I’m only 25, and nothing anyone says will ever, ever make it better. I hope you have joy in your life. I’ve just become a mother and I can’t imagine what you have been through. I don’t want to. I just want you to know that a stranger (an okay one!) is thinking about you and your son tonight. May he rest in peace. X