To be sad and annoyed?

[trexraptor]

We've lost out on what would have been our dream forever home.
It's was amazing and perfect, I didn't allow myself to get excited initially but more and more things kept happening by chance that made it seem like it was meant to be and was actually going to happen for us. Long story short we missed out on it by an hour.

I never thought I'd feel this way but a part of me is devastated, it was perfect in every way for our little family, we would have never moved again and we know a property like this will not come along again. I just need a bit of time to get over it.
I haven't cried in front of DP as he told me on the phone but had a good cry when he hung up. I'm sad as it was the first house we have viewed in the last 3 years that just felt right and ticked every single box.

DP is an optimist and always tries to see the positive which I usually appreciate but he came home and was saying that he's over it, and that it clearly wasn't meant to be and we will find something else when it comes. I agreed, he asked if I'm ok and I said honestly that I'm not, I'm just a bit upset I know it's not our fault but just need a bit of time to get over it. He said he loved it too but I need to know we won't find another place like that.
He proceeded to tell me how I need to lower my expectations and erase it from my mind as a place like that won't come up again and I can't be comparing every house we view to that one.

I told him that I know but I just wasn't in the mindset to talk about that at that moment.

He just said ok and seemed a bit annoyed and left for the gym.

I didn't need him trying to be all positive about it in that moment and definitely didn't need him giving me the reality check of the fact it was a one off house and I need to lower my expectations for the next one we might view.
I just needed him to admit it's crap and maybe give me a hug. Acknowledge that I'm upset rather than try to be optimistic or whatever it was he was doing.

Now I'm sat here upset AND annoyed. Which is shit, I know deep down he's upset about it too but it's like he can't deal with me being upset and never knows what to do with himself which isn't very helpful right now.

AIBU to just want to sit and eat a muffin and cry?

It’s perfectly ok to acknowledge your disappointment

About the house as well as your DH’s response, I mean!

Opposites attract for a reason, his positivity would drive me crackers in that situation too, but his optimism might serve you well in finding somewhere else, once you have processed this loss.

You just have to be clear that disappointment is a process and that you will have to go through it before you start looking again.

You are allowed to be disappointed.🙄

Tell him deal with it!

How did you lose it?

Thanks.

@Alwaysoutofreach we spotted it and loved it, we viewed it twice in 2 days the 2nd time the sellers invited us again personally and even had a cup of tea with them. We had to get an offer in principle submitted, the sellers were wanting to put an offer in on a property they wanted to buy ASAP but couldn't until they accepted an offer on theirs.
There was an issue with the EA for some reason they couldn't send us the email through with a list of everything and a form they needed. Tried multiple times over 2 days with it all and they apologised and said they will let sellers know.
Finally got it this morning, our broker sent everything through within 3hrs. Then DP got a call saying that they're sorry but sellers accepted an offer a couple of hours before so maybe an hour or two before we sent it all through.

Talking it all over DP now seems to think that perhaps the EA told the sellers there was issues with emails without going into detail and maybe the sellers interpreted is as there being an actual issue rather than a simple technical difficulty.
They seemed very happy for us to have it, they even talked to our young DCs and showed them some bits in the garden which they loved.

I just can't believe it was a matter of a couple of hours.

Can you go back with a higher offer?

@OwlinaTree it's not about the money. They just wanted the asking price. But wanted it hassle free and potentially quick as they were ready to retire in a village of their choice.

We were more than happy to work with them and move in ASAP or wait if they needed a month, three, ten or whatever for their house of choice to be ready which I think worked for them too. But they mentioned they were viewing a property this upcoming Monday that they really liked so I think they wanted to secure an offer beforehand.

It's just shit. It was perfect, dream home, the most beautiful setting. A rare gem.

Id put an offer in above asking if you really want it.
Nothing is final yet.

I wouldn't think you have lost it just yet, fight for it and offer above what has already been accepted, the sale could fall through, there are lots that could go wrong, but start with the counter offer.

We don't know what they were offered, the EA said it's not about money.
It's been taken off the website.

DP now saying that being realistic we will probably have to move out of this area as we are consistently being priced out.
I feel like our village is our home. I feel settled and happy here and being someone who moved a lot as a child and never had a "base" I want my DCs to have it. I just feel a bit crap tonight...

Have you confirmed that the EA have even presented your offer? Put in writing your offer with the financial and non financial aspects. So early on... I'd fight for this a bit if you really want it. Anything could happen in the coming weeks

There was an issue with the EA for some reason they couldn't send us the email through with a list of everything and a form they needed. Tried multiple times over 2 days with it all and they apologised and said they will let sellers know.

This makes no sense. Two days to send an email? Did they have internet issues? This agent sounds spectacularly shit, ditch them!

OP, I’ve been there, we found the perfect house after two years of looking but the vendors had just accepted an hour. I was very upset.

But you will find a better house and you will look back on this one and realise why it wasn’t meant to be. It’s difficult to believe that now but it will happen.

But please, grill your agent on the email fiasco, that is just not normal. I’m guessing they forgot to send or were too lazy as they knew they had this other offer in the bag.

Have you sold already? Did the estate agent definitely put your offer in?

@honeygirlz it was the EA the sellers had the house up with. Our broker was great and super efficient. They apparently couldn't get it through to us it kept bouncing even though they had the correct email, the lady said she was getting a technician in yesterday as seems to be having an issue with emails. Email came through this morning.

We offered the asking price and sellers knew this but to make an offer they were able to consider we had to provide proof of funds / mortgage in principle documents which is where the issue came.
The house was very popular it had a lot of viewings and multiple offers wishing the very short time it was on for.

@cantstopsinginglittlebabybum we didn't have anything to sell.

Go knock the door and explain that the EA were slow to email. If you're not in a chain/flexible and keen, then who knows what may happen. Good luck.

If you are that upset about it, and really think that losing the house will be so catastrophic, don't give in this easily!!! First, get the EA to tell them how much you loved the house, that you would go above asking price (if you can), that you have the finance in place, aren't in a chain that will collapse, whatever - any positive thing about you that you can think of. And I'd also write a note direct to them (drop it through the letterbox) saying how it is your dream home, how much you loved it, etc, as well as repeating the practical stuff. There is a slim chance they will change their minds, but also a bigger chance that if the other seller pulls out or starts to stuff them around, eg on surveys or timing, that they will then come straight back to you. You may feel it's not playing fair to try to steal the house out from someone else, but nothing is really fair in buying and selling houses in this country anyway.

Friends in the US tell me that it's common to write a "love letter to the house" when putting in an offer to buy. Sounds nuts to me, but apparently can be very effective. If someone has lived in a house and it's full of happy memories, they like the idea of it going to someone who will love it to.

Don't be so noble and despairing and just give up, if it really matters that much. None of the above may work, but at least you would know you tried.

a written letter to the selling agent with your details, and say if the sale falls through you want to buy the identified property

Sales do fall through so there;s just a chance.

Then eat the muffin.

I'd drop a note to the vendors and than them for their time showing your round,. state that you're disappointed your offer of £x didn't reach them in time due to the email problems the EA had in communicating with you, but that you quite understand that they had to accept another offer due to the unfortunate delays. However, you'd like to let them know that should anything happen along the way and their buyers have to drop out could they please let you know immediately as you are proceedable and haven't found any other property you like as much and in the village.

We had similar to this once, DH viewed and liked it, said we'll offer and EA wanted me to view so I did - however I turned up scruffy as was emptying my house, and EA (a posh one) didn't think we could afford it despite having 50% deposit and mortgage approval, so never actually submitted our offer as I found out a couple of years later .
Didn't matter as we got a better property, but that was 4 months later.

@trexraptor I guess that explains it, but it’s funny how they didn’t have the email issue with these other buyers?

I kind of agree with the other posters, like Jelly, fight a bit more, knock on owner’s door. At least you know you tried everything.

Are the other buyer’s easier for the sellers (e.g. chain free or cash buyers)?

I'm SO sorry 🌷

I'd be taking a hit man out in the EA!

If it were me I'd go around tomorrow & explain what happened. I know it'll be hard, but it's worth a shit and even if nothing changes you might feel better having explained to them that you were genuine & did really love their home. If nothing else, it'll put you right at the top of their list if the other people drop out.

I'd be seeing if there was anything I could do to get back any costs.

Your DP would drive me nuts! It's too soon for talk if being realistic & having to move away!

It's disappointing, but you can't be sure that house would be the perfect home that you've built it up to be, in your mind. What seems like a dream home could turn into a nightmare scenario, if it turns out there are nightmare neighbours, or structural issues or anti-social neighbourhood issues that only come to light when you're living there and it's too late. You might find out later that you've had a lucky escape. Or you might find another house that is less perfect, but cheaper, so that you can afford to make it perfect for you. You'll get there, in the end.

I wouldn't let this drop so easily. I wouldn't knock on their door as it's a bit intrusive and awkward but I'd write them a note and give them your number and ask them to give you a call if they'd consider a slightly higher offer. Bypass the EA.

I feel for you. We missed out on our perfect home a couple of weeks ago. The seller kept us talking so much on the two viewings we didn't get to see everything before the next viewings came so we felt that we needed a third to be 100% sure. We couldn't get in for over a week and before it could happen the estate agent called to cancel the viewing as it was sold. We put in an offer anyway and never heard anything back.
We lost our second choice today. We agreed on a price then my buyer changed his mind and we'll now have to pull our offer. I'm gutted.

What will be will be. There will be other houses just as suitable if not more suitable. These things happen for a reason that we don’t always get to know.

I'd go and see them in person and tell them you have the mortgage in Orono Opal now and how you feel it could be your forever home -please LET ME HAVE IT . There's still time , sometimes you have to be ballsy -good luck x