To be sad and annoyed?

[trexraptor]

We've lost out on what would have been our dream forever home.
It's was amazing and perfect, I didn't allow myself to get excited initially but more and more things kept happening by chance that made it seem like it was meant to be and was actually going to happen for us. Long story short we missed out on it by an hour.

I never thought I'd feel this way but a part of me is devastated, it was perfect in every way for our little family, we would have never moved again and we know a property like this will not come along again. I just need a bit of time to get over it.
I haven't cried in front of DP as he told me on the phone but had a good cry when he hung up. I'm sad as it was the first house we have viewed in the last 3 years that just felt right and ticked every single box.

DP is an optimist and always tries to see the positive which I usually appreciate but he came home and was saying that he's over it, and that it clearly wasn't meant to be and we will find something else when it comes. I agreed, he asked if I'm ok and I said honestly that I'm not, I'm just a bit upset I know it's not our fault but just need a bit of time to get over it. He said he loved it too but I need to know we won't find another place like that.
He proceeded to tell me how I need to lower my expectations and erase it from my mind as a place like that won't come up again and I can't be comparing every house we view to that one.

I told him that I know but I just wasn't in the mindset to talk about that at that moment.

He just said ok and seemed a bit annoyed and left for the gym.

I didn't need him trying to be all positive about it in that moment and definitely didn't need him giving me the reality check of the fact it was a one off house and I need to lower my expectations for the next one we might view.
I just needed him to admit it's crap and maybe give me a hug. Acknowledge that I'm upset rather than try to be optimistic or whatever it was he was doing.

Now I'm sat here upset AND annoyed. Which is shit, I know deep down he's upset about it too but it's like he can't deal with me being upset and never knows what to do with himself which isn't very helpful right now.

AIBU to just want to sit and eat a muffin and cry?

Orono opal 🤪 honestly my autocorrect is so bloody random . *mortgage in principle

This is the problem with seeing things as 'dream whatever', 'forever wotsit' and 'perfect thingummyjig'. Reality never matches up to expectations and people are never satisfied.

Yes, it is crap. Absolute shite. However, this: it was the first house we have viewed in the last 3 years that just felt right and ticked every single box your DH might be right. You probably do need to lower your expectations.

In your circumstances I would pop a letter through their letterbox telling them that you are chain free and offered the asking price and love their house and are willing to move at their speed. You can never be sure that the agent have told the vendors everything and I would be suspicious about the bouncing emails as that sounds very convenient for someone who might have been weighting it in favour of a friend or relative who wanted the property.

I wouldn't give up so easily either. Bollock the estate agents and said a note to the owners saying if it falls thru for any reason to contact you. Wouldnt offer to outbid tho - just my personal ethics.

Cry as much as you want OP. I cried my eyes out when the sellers backed out of the sale of what I thought was my dream home and I was perfectly entitled too. Fast forward a few years and I’m glad I didn’t get that house for various reasons.

it’s okay to feel sad and disappointed. My advice is to not attach yourself to a place, a house, etr. Instead, attach yourself to your mission, that might help you to keep your peace when things don’t work out.

I lived in my family home for 30 years. We started looking for something bigger more suitable in another area. I fell in love with the first house I saw. It was perfect.

Unfortunately the sale of my house fell through more than once due to the complete incompetence of my estate agent who tried to blame me when she obviously did not follow things up. I put my trust in her and she let me down three times. She told me I had a buyer when they could not even get a mortgage, and led me to believe they were ready to exchange.

Anyway the house I wanted was sold, and we eventually sold and bought the one we are in now, but I still think of that house and sometimes very occasionally drive past it.

Some things are just not meant to be and beating yourself up stops you from finding another.

@Barryisland I'm trying to tell myself that. But good properties in our spot are far and few between and usually get snapped up ridiculously fast if they are right I.e. - have a drive, 3 bedrooms or scope to extend and preferably a doer upper - Others are just ridiculously expensive.
80% of people who live here have been here for over 10years and they wouldn't be able to afford to buy here now.

@ViciousJackdaw DP admits it was perfect for us. We didn't look at it with rose tinted specs, there was work to be done and some things that needed immediate attention but it was right. It felt right when we walked through it, we could easily picture ourselves happily living in it, it had this weird homely quality about it. Neither of us have had a feeling like that before. We both agreed if we got it we would never have to move again.

@Anordinarymum I feel like this will be me too. I will always have it at the back of my head and look at it every time I drive past...

I've had this before and I would put money on it being that the estate agent had someone in mind for the property and blocked your offer going through. I would be wary of dealing with this agent in the future. Tell yourself it wasn't meant to be. You never know there might have been some hidden problems with that house set to cause you untold stress in the future. Cast your net a bit wider. Your village seems perfect but that really doesn't mean another one might not be perfect. You might have to work at making a few new links and friendships but it could be that you'd be even happier in a different place. You just don't know it yet!

When I was younger I lived in a London suburb. My life was there. My family, my friends. Eventually I moved over a hundred miles away. It was a risk. I had to forge new friendships. But 20 years later I cannot begin to imagine still living near London and love my "new" part of the country!

Dodgy behaviour by estate agent- I agree with PP. the EA either cocked up or has a reason to favour the other buyer.
A similar thing happened to a friend, we never found out why, but the EA did not pass on her offer and she lost the house.
Definitely write the sellers a letter explaining your position and put it through their door, do not rely on the EA to pass on any message.

@ChiaraRimini

Dodgy behaviour by estate agent- I agree with PP. the EA either cocked up or has a reason to favour the other buyer. A similar thing happened to a friend, we never found out why, but the EA did not pass on her offer and she lost the house. Definitely write the sellers a letter explaining your position and put it through their door, do not rely on the EA to pass on any message.

This.

If this house means so much to you, I agree with others, I'm not sure why you're giving up so easily.

And this...
They apparently couldn't get it through to us it kept bouncing even though they had the correct email, the lady said she was getting a technician in yesterday as seems to be having an issue with emails. Email came through this morning

This is dodgy. Firstly email don't bounce if the email address is correct. They might not arrive when they should, there might be a delay, but they don't bounce. I imagine it was never sent.
Als no one gets a 'technician' in with an issue with emails. That just sounds weird.
The fact the email arrived this morning, to me, means it was sent this morning.

Keep at it!

I agree that you should write a note and put it through the letterbox. It might be that the estate agent has 'sold' it below asking price to a friend of theirs. This does happen sometimes. Thank the sellers for their time and ask them to remember you in case their sale falls through.