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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dread this work evening out?

29 replies

Maria53 · 04/09/2020 19:45

We've all to go on a work evening out in a week, the first time we'll all have seen each other since lockdown. There are 30 of us. The plan is a bar with a lot of outdoor seating designed from distancing.

I reckon it will just be a piss up and the usual space invaders will soon begin to get in peoples spaces after a few. I think this is likely to happen anyway once inhibitions are lowered.

Anyway we are all expected to attend but I feel some anxiety about it. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Maria53 · 04/09/2020 19:46

We are all to go back to work in a month gradually, with half at work and half in the office. So I cant see the logic of having us all meet at once in a bar.

OP posts:
Mummadeeze · 04/09/2020 19:48

Am surprised they are organising this so soon. If you don’t feel comfortable, don’t go. They can’t hold it against you.

Original poster
Maria53 · 04/09/2020 19:50

If I am the only person not to go, that isnt great obviously.

I was thinking I would go for a couple of hours, then leave when people are starting to get a bit merry and forgetting about the space thing. But it has been specially arranged at a time when we are all free, so I don't really have an excuse.

OP posts:
Thepilotlightsgoneout · 04/09/2020 19:52

You can keep your distance from people. If they get too close, move back from them.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 04/09/2020 19:55

'Expected' to attend? Is this part of your normal contractual working hours, or in addition?

If the latter I'd say they can ram their expectations, but I've definitely become a lot better in recent years at saying 'no'.

If it's an evening event how do they know for a certain fact that you're free? And what's the worst that can happen if you respectfully decline?

Original poster
Maria53 · 04/09/2020 19:58

They are actually giving us the entire next day off work.

We all had to choose a night we were free.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 04/09/2020 20:22

So, when it ws first muted, did you give them a night, or did you say I don't feel comfortable meeting up in such large numbers yet ?

Why are they giving you all a day off work, the next day ? Confused
Is this actually a work meeting then, and this their way round getting too many people in close proximity in the office, by moving the meeting to an outside venue ?

Original poster
Maria53 · 04/09/2020 20:28

It was first mentioned when I was on holiday actually. The preparations began while I was gone. We then gave a couple of free dates and the one that suited most people were given.

Not a meeting, just a social apparently. Think I will have to sick it up and go. If people start getting too close I'll leave.

OP posts:
Original poster
Maria53 · 04/09/2020 20:29

*Suck it up! Hopefully that typo wasn't wasnt a sign of things to come.

OP posts:
catsarecute · 04/09/2020 20:29

No way I would go to that. YANBU.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 04/09/2020 20:30

They are actually giving us the entire next day off work.

We all had to choose a night we were free.

That's really odd, and it's assuming a level of control over their employees' lives that's crossing the line into presumptuous. My annoying department can and do force tortuous 'away days' on us with alarming regularity, but any evening and weekend events, unless part of the normal schedule, are voluntary.

The way they've gone about this is clearly putting pressure on people to attend, and that's unacceptable. I have a long commute to work and childcare responsibilities, which on their own are excuse enough not to socialise in my employer's city. But this really shouldn't need an excuse.

Zoom is good enough for the rest of us. Failing any other reasonable get-out clause, I'd be tempted to be violently and copiously sick on this day!

Thymeout · 04/09/2020 20:31

I'd do as you suggested yourself. Go to show your face, planning to leave if/when people start forgetting the social distancing rules. (You can always slip away unobtrusively and say you're not feeling 100% if anyone questions it.)

Remember that it's not in the firm's interests if all their employees end up having to isolate so they won't let it get out of hand.

Polly111 · 04/09/2020 20:32

It’s against current guidance surely? www.gov.uk/government/publications/coronavirus-outbreak-faqs-what-you-can-and-cant-do/coronavirus-outbreak-faqs-what-you-can-and-cant-do

I know you can have up to 30 people getting together for weddings, funerals and religious events, but I don’t think a work social falls under this.

I’d be really uncomfortable attending too, if you feel you have to then I’d just try not to drink too much alcohol (probably drive otherwise it’s increased risk of taxi or public transport) and leave after a couple of hours. It’s pretty impossible to social distance from drunk people who aren’t too bothered about the restrictions.

AppleKatie · 04/09/2020 20:32

Shame you developed a temp that afternoon isn’t it OP?

MrsMoastyToasty · 04/09/2020 20:37

Just drop in for a "swift half of shandy" saying that a. You're driving/got an early lift
b. You've got another event to go to .

Palavah · 04/09/2020 20:44

Can you pick the right person to mention that it would look really bad if the company asked people to break the law around number of households/people especially if someone then got ill.

Original poster
Maria53 · 04/09/2020 20:56

I did mention it someone with some power over things and they just said they are planning to find somewhere everyone va distance. But that they understood my feelings. Not sure if they are going to feed this back or not.

OP posts:
littlecatfeet · 04/09/2020 21:01

@AppleKatie

Shame you developed a temp that afternoon isn’t it OP?
This.

Bit of a tickly throat.
Might be pollen, might not.

Blankblankblank · 04/09/2020 21:07

A sudden bout of diarrhoea that started at 3am that morning will give you a get out, along with a bit of sympathy and will also mean you don’t have to go to work to have everyone say they will see you later/looking forward to tonight.

I’ve never pulled a sickie in my life but I certainly would if I was being forced to attend a night out during CV!

Undies1990 · 04/09/2020 21:11

Wow, it's way to soon for a work do! Blimey I'm really surprised any company is doing this, especially 30 people. Far too many.

Anyway, if you feel you should go, just make an appearance and make your excuses to leave ASAP.

underneaththeash · 04/09/2020 21:16

I wouldn’t be happy with that either. Just make up a prior engagement/can’t get a sitter/feeling a bit rough.

nosswith · 04/09/2020 21:48

I would not go, much as I work with a pleasant group of people. The stomach upset that means you cannot be far from a toilet is something that cannot be disproven.

BackforGood · 04/09/2020 22:20

I really wouldn't lie.

I would actually say that I'm not comfortable in breaking the current guidance. You are not supposed to be meeting to socialise in large groups.
If I were tempted to meet in a large group, then I would not be choosing my colleagues when I am not allowed to meet up for a large family gathering or a large group of actual friends.
I say that as a person who gets on with all my colleagues - they are a great team to work with, but not who I'd risk breaking the current guideline for.

Alicatz66 · 04/09/2020 22:24

If you don't want to go .. just don't go . But I wouldn't make up some bullshit about being sick ...

RedRiverShore · 04/09/2020 22:33

I doubt there will be anywhere suitable as everyone will have to distance from each other you will all be shouting to be heard, it’s not like a few families meeting, everyone will have to be separate