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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about marked school uniform?

57 replies

44PumpLane · 04/09/2020 08:54

Morning, genuinely interested in others opinions here please. I'll try and be super brief so no mega back story.

Twins have been at private nursery since 1yo and only had 1 or 2 instances of craft glue not coming out of clothes.

Started school nursery (alongside private nursery) in Jan this year, went till March when Covid shut everything.

In the 2 months at school nursery 2 of their cardigans have been marked with pen that won't come out of the fabric. This has never happened at the private nursery, so think it may be an unfortunate choice of pen by school nursery.

Term started again on Weds, I went to put one of the pen marked cardis on one of the twins (they are still in school nursery and their Jan clothes still fit) this morning and DH has told me he is not sending his children into school in ruined clothes.

I feel this is ridiculous, they are kids, they will mark their clothes and I'm not throwing out perfectly good clothes because there is some pen on it.

He thinks the kids (3, nearly 4) will be bullied for having tatty clothes.

I think this is a difference in how we grew up, he grew up poor and his school people were horrible to each other, I led a fairly charmed life and benefitted from being in an area where mostly people were nice, some low level kid stuff but nothing serious, people just got along.

So:
YABU: Don't send your children to school in clothing that has pen marks on it.

YANBU: it's fine to send small kids to school in clothing that has some pen marks on.

Additional points: the clothing was asda brand and we can afford to replace,
The pen marks are noticeable rather than being one small mark on a sleeve for example.

OP posts:
Aroundtheworldin80moves · 04/09/2020 09:41

I sent my DD on school photo day in a pristine shirt... She got pen on it in the first half hour of school. Makes me smile seeing that photo!

NataliaOsipova · 04/09/2020 09:45

I was like your DH. My DD got dry erase marker pen on her school dress, so I dutifully bought her a new one. She got dry erase marker pen on the new one on the first day....so I gave up after that! That cardigan is fine.

Bunkumum · 04/09/2020 09:50

Bloody white board pens are to blame. They will not come out of clothes. I don’t have them for free play in my classroom as they cause so many problems. I also have my own children so understand your pain!

I would carry on using the jumpers. Children don’t notice or care about a few pen marks.

Trisolaris · 04/09/2020 09:53

In year 6 I was the only kid left with the old school jumper as the school had changed them two years previously but I had a big sister so had a hand me down

I was in the local paper and the school even asked my mum for permission to lend me a new jumper for the day!

No one said a thing to me that I can remember! Maybe I would have been more sensitive about it if we were noticeably more poor than other families, but we weren’t. My mum just didn’t believe in wasting money on new uniform when she didn’t need to. I had everything else I needed and my old one was perfectly adequate.

Original poster
44PumpLane · 04/09/2020 09:55

Thanks all for the replies, it's nice to know that I'm not heartlessly subjecting my children to a day of bullying by expecting them to wear pen marked clothes.... Part of the reason I love nursery so much (school or private) is that they do so much fun and messy stuff with the kids... Messy stuff that might make me nervous in my own home but that the poor teachers and nursery staff gallantly plough on with regardless, and the kids love it.

I am not keen on filling up landfill with perfectly reasonable clothing!

I hadn't thought about maintaining some uniform for school pictures however so I may need to think about that!

Thank you Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
44PumpLane · 04/09/2020 09:57

Bunkumum

Bloody white board pens are to blame. They will not come out of clothes. I don’t have them for free play in my classroom as they cause so many problems. I also have my own children so understand your pain!

It's 1 one of my twins in particular... Loves colouring herself in with a pen if she gets the chance, I've had a number of conversations with her about ruined clothes and stained hands.... When the first cardi got stained she actually came home with completely black hands and pen all over her face, took 3 baths over the weekend to get her back to normal!! Terror Grin

OP posts:
rorosemary · 04/09/2020 09:59

Have you tried soaking it overnight in fullfat milk?

81Byerley · 04/09/2020 10:22

I used to care for a lady who had Parkinsons and every day I'd have to clean various pen stains from her clothing and bedding. I used to spray the mark with hair spray then rub with baby wipes. I agree with you, use the marked cardigans, they will get more stains anyway.

BlusteryShowers · 04/09/2020 10:23

I'm with you, though I tend to avoid sending DS in any clothes that I particularly like. Basic t shirts and joggers or shorts only.

It sort of does depend how noticeable though in my view. If it really has spoilt the item badly then I probably wouldn't send them in it.

Blackbear19 · 04/09/2020 10:27

@BluebellsGreenbells

It’ll be white board marker pens.

Try rubbing alcohol and paper towels to remove

Seriously does that work? My DS has ruined so many clothes with whiteboard pen - inc drawing a happy face on a polo - that yes I continued to make him wear on the basis he'll learn not to draw on his clothes.Hmm
BluebellsGreenbells · 04/09/2020 10:30

I also agree with the baby wipes!

Baby wipes get an awful lot of stuff off even oil based paint - god knows what’s in them!

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 04/09/2020 10:32

DS gets whiteboard marker pens on all his school stuff.

I can’t get it out so he has to go in with pen marks as I can’t replace every week!

WeAllHaveWings · 04/09/2020 10:33

Start mentioning gently in passing to your child to be careful with the whiteboard pen, keep the tip pointing away, maybe put lid on when not using as it is so easy to have an accident. They pick it up and learn quickly.

I would replace ds's tops when they were really marked, but not for just a bit. Always thought best school uniform at that age would be black!!!!!!

SleepingStandingUp · 04/09/2020 10:36

@44PumpLane

Pic attached (I hope)
Tbh I wouldn't have sent them in in that, but I would in something that had a few small marks onm. At most I'd keep it for emergencies. I do think it's nice for them to start school tidy and clean.
Blackbear19 · 04/09/2020 10:37

Op I never actually replied to you but no I don't get fussed about what my kids wear to nursery or school as long as its clean. Stains and holes meh!

I do tend to replace for holes, but DS managed to put the knee out of a brand new pair of trousers 1st time on. Mil might be tasked with turning them into shorts.

KatherineOfGaunt · 04/09/2020 10:38

Former Reception teacher here. Children at nursery age will almost certainly not notice, nor comment on, the state of someone else's clothes.

I always thought if they look too pristine at the end of the day then I haven't done my job properly!

AdoraBell · 04/09/2020 10:39

Ask DH how much it will cost to replace the cardigans daily while the DC go through school.

As you and others have said, they are children and the clothes will get marks from school /nursery activities.

StripyHorse · 04/09/2020 10:43

Kids won't notice, and on the plus side it is more easily identifiable / more likely to be returned if taken home in error.

As long as the uniform is otherwise clean (when she gets to school), i.e. washed regularly, a bit of pen is neither her nor there.

greengreengrass14 · 04/09/2020 10:47

I feel I need to share my most embarrasing moment as a parent in primary school. It might help you get things in perspective and feel better. Here we go:

We had a cat, who didn't use the cat try on occasion, as it was a refuge cat and had strange behaviour. DD was about 6. I was encouraging DD to pack and look after her own PE kit. etc for school. So I shouted through one morning to her room if she had done it and she said 'yes'. ok mum.

Thought nothing of it and she carried the bag. At pick up TA approaches me and quietly poiints out that DD was carrying a bag that 'smelled'. She was holding it at arms lenghth and had been really careful to speak quietly so as not to embarrass my daughter.

I wondered what was going on and what had happened until I noticed the smell and on the way out dropped the whole bag in the bin.

The penny suddenly dropped and I realised that our wayward cat had peed on DD's PE kit in the night that DD had carefully laid out on a chair. It must have been a territorial thing by the cat.

I've never been so embarrased in my entire life. I knew the TA had to check just in case I had been not cleaning her stuff, I explained abotu the cat and she understood.

With kids, things like this happen. Sooner or later. The cardigan looks absolutely fine. Shame and waste to throw it away with such a small mark.

pasteldechocolateconchispa · 04/09/2020 10:49

Pen marks are fine my DDs uniform was always full of marks from white board pens. I washed it and the stain stayed, they’d come home with another mark so what’s the point in new stuff.

I think the school would be more concerned if it was visibility dirty, and the uniform and child were never watched

pasteldechocolateconchispa · 04/09/2020 10:49

*washed

Florencex · 04/09/2020 10:56

I agree with your DH, I am from a similar poor background and we had tatty clothes and children can definitely notice it, comment on it and some will bully because of it. I think posters that say it doesn’t happen have just maybe never had it happen to them.

We didn’t have a school uniform in primary and my mother always sent us to school in the scruffy clothes because “it didn’t matter” although we had nicer clothes at home that we could only wear at weekends. It was awful, we were definitely known as the scruffy family at school.

I can’t see the photo very clearly but it looks like there is a mark on the sleeve and two down the front. I don’t think it needs to be replaced urgently but I would replace it.

Pringlemonster · 04/09/2020 11:04

Had exact the same in my kids primary ,the school use a mini white board for the children to write on ,instead of in books with a pencil ,saves the teacher marking books ,
and means lots of children fall behind, Because No one checks to see if they understood, easily wipes mistakes away .
Obviously kids get the white board marker pen on their clothes, the child behind my son ,took to doing long lines on his back in it ,ended up with stripes on one jumper ,school didn’t give a toss.

Mj2196 · 04/09/2020 11:16

I was coming to say a mark is no problem -but looking at the picture I wouldn’t for the sake of the cost of an Asda cardi . If you can afford to replace it , I would

CeibaTree · 04/09/2020 11:18

@Shantotto

My son started school this year and on his second day came home covered in black paint on his polo shirt. It has not come out and there are about 5 or 6 small blotches across the front of it. I’m still sending him wearing it. At this rate I’ll be buying a new shirt a week!
My DS is starting school nursery in a couple of weeks. The uniform includes white polo shirts - surely black or navy would be a better choice to hide such stains :)
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