To send DS to nursery?

[ScarMatty]

More WWYD but hoping to get more traffic on here.

DS is 2. I've been a SAHM for 2 years.

Would you send your child to nursery for maybe 1-2 days a week if you didn't have to?

Do the social skills they might learn outweighs the comforts of mum being around and being at home?

I take him to classes most days, but I can tell he isn't really totally himself as he knows I'm there.

I don't know if nursery would help his independent/speech/social skills

I won't be going back to work if he does go so it is a choice

You’ll get 15 free hours/week: term time the term after he’s 3 so you could wait until then so it’s free.

Yes I think it's good for their development, to enjoy being around others, new experiences etc. And you get a break!

Personally if you can afford it I would send them at least 2 days (1 day a week makes it hard for them to settle) you’ll get some time on your own, they’ll get time on their own to socialise with other kids and do messy play

Dd didn’t go to nursery until she got her free hours at 3 and she took a long long time to settle. Dd2 has been in nursery since 10mo and not had a single issue with separation anxiety etc. Obviously all kids are different and some will have the opposite experience but for me if I had another they would go to nursery sooner rather than later.

If you can afford it then I would. My DD goes to nursery full time and loves it.
I wouldn't send her full time if I didn't have to, but I would send her for a couple of days.

I would send DS even if I didn't work. He does 2 days a week and has done since October, lockdown excepted (he is nearly 2). He loves it - they do far more activities than I can manage at home including a lot of messy play that we don't have the space for.

In your position I would send for 2 consecutive days a week - they do gain a lot from the socialising with their peers and other adults away from their parents. You would also probably benefit from some 'you time' do something nice for yourself

The reason I would do this (and it's a perfectly valid reason) is to give you a break. I don't think he needs it for social skills until he's older and gets the free hours, given that you're taking him to baby groups etc. But if you are desperate for some child free time then I would do this and not feel guilty about that.

OP, this is not the 'right' answer - just my own opinion/experience.

I could have sent my children to nursery at that age, and I didn't. I couldn't see any benefit to it at all. I was with my children every waking minute at that age, and while it turned out to be career suicide for me (which is a different topic), it was absolutely the best thing for all of us at the time.

At toddler groups etc, I could always tell which children were at home full time. They were more articulate, for one thing. They also knew that they had a completely reliable anchor point (namely their parent - mostly mums, but there were a few SAHDs too).

I thought about it a fair bit when they were little, and I remember thinking that there was more to 'socialising' than doing it exclusively with your peers. My children were all very well socialised with people of all ages - not just other toddlers - because I took them out and about to the shops, the library, to visit neighbours, etc, etc, etc.

There was also a kind of symbiosis between parent and child which defies definition. I could tell within seconds that something was wrong with one of mine, just because their breathing was a bit different. If they were coming down with something, they had a very slightly different smell. And so on.

All that said, the afternoons sometimes felt several years long. But that was about me, not about them.

My first one didn't go to nursery school at all. The others went for a couple of mornings a week when they turned three, because I thought they would enjoy something a bit 'extra'. I wouldn't have sent them for full days, though.

Even despite my career suicide, subsequent divorce, penury etc, I wouldn't change any of that for anything in the world. If a fairy godmother came along and said I could be someone else for a day, I would choose a thousand percent to be myself when my children were small.

However... this is just me. It suited our family, but it might not suit others. 20 years ago, I would have said my way was the right way. Now, though, I would say the only right way is what works for you.

Best thing I did with both of mine 1 day a week from age two and then more when free hours kicked in

I did and think DS really benefits from it. He tried things like getting dressed on his own at nursery which he refuses to do at home as he has other kids to copy from. Plus you need time to recharge!

I think the majority of kids will be fine with nursery if you need them to go - because your working or need a break for yourself. If you’re looking at it for their benefit then I personally I think 3 is a good age to start.

All three of mine went for a couple of days from the age of 2. One of them loved it, the other two looking back I wished I waited till they were three as they were ok but struggled with some anxiety which just disappeared when they got that extra year older. It’s very child dependent though, as the only time the other one cried was went I went to pick him up after a one-hour “settling in” session and he realised he had to leave and all the other kids were getting to stay.

I would go for it, I think they really do benefit from the peer interaction at that age. DD has a couple of really close friendships at nursery that I don’t think would have been built up just from seeing at each other at groups.

I would. I was working around DH but still sent DD for two mornings a week at 2, soon to increase to a full day and two mornings now she's three. It's been good for her to learn to ask other adults for help and interact with others independently. Even though she was hugely articulate and generally "ahead" anyway, nursery really brought the best out of her.

Thank you so so so much everyone.
I cannot explain how much I appreciate the time and effort you've all put into your responses.

The majority seems to be that sending him is the right thing, and that 2 consecutive sessions is actually better than one as it'll provide continuity.

I love being a mum, absolutely adore it and I'm so very glad and appreciative I've had every day with him for 2 years, but occasionally I just feel very worn down, and I know a couple of mornings a week to myself would mentally do me the world of good and I'd be able to keep on top of a few house jobs a bit more, which in turn I feel would make me a better mum when I am with my DS.

He really does struggle when I'm not around if he isn't with a close family member, so I do worry I'm going to add to his anxiety rather than assist with it.

Posted too soon!

I think there's no harm possibly trying him for a couple of mornings and seeing how it goes. I have the luxury of time so if he doesn't like it I can take him back out.

Also forgot to add that he only very just 2, so the free hours would still be over a year away...which seem a loooonnnggggg way away

There was some research done to say that before 3 there's no actual benefit to children being away from home: not that it's detrimental if it's a quality setting but they don't actually need to be away from home at such a young age.
However, if you're feeling worn down and it would help you then go for it. I think the most important thing as a sahm is your own good mental health: you can't pour from an empty cup! Good luck whatever you decide, it will be fine either way.

Do you have any preschools where you are? In the next village we gave a amazing preschool for 2+ children. It’s small, term time only and only open about 25hrs a week.
If I didn’t need to work I’d use it for the type of thing you need. It’s much cheaper and much nicer-just unsuitable as work related childcare for most.

@Lovelymonkeyninetynine thank you for that point. I think it'll benefit me to look at some proper research. But yes, you're definitely right. A few hours of missing me at nursery is better than being at home with a tired/fed up me!

@Megan2018 we do, however I was a teacher prior to DS so I'm very very very fussy about school settings and have only found 3-4 nurseries that fit my stringent criteria haha!

At 2 no I wouldn't. I've worked in child care and don't think that they really benefit from it until they're at least 3, and it can be hard on them. However if you need to work or are struggling with your mental health then I would try it. So long as you're willing to remove him if he doesn't settle.

I was a SAHM until DS was 2.5. I decided to put him in nursery 2 sessions a week as I needed a break. I then quite randomly got a job and went back to work but had that not happened I would definitely have needed a break from him. Plus he really enjoys nursery now.

Do it!

@AllPlayedOut

At 2 no I wouldn't. I've worked in child care and don't think that they really benefit from it until they're at least 3, and it can be hard on them. However if you need to work or are struggling with your mental health then I would try it. So long as you're willing to remove him if he doesn't settle.

Thank you for your honest response.

I wouldn't say I'm struggling with my mental health, but I live in an area with very very poor weather so it's often both freezing cold and raining and I just get a bit ergh at how monotonous the days are sometimes.

It's such a tricky one!

I’m a SAHM, with a 2.5yo and a 10 mo. No plan’s to go back to formal employment any time soon.

I sent my eldest to nursery a few months ago as I felt we all needed a break from each other after months of being locked inside together with nothing to do.

He goes three mornings a week and we’re all much happier for it.

Since he’s been at nursery he’s thrived. He’s so happy and loves going. Don’t feel bad for wanting a little time for yourself!

Try it. It won't do any harm to try it so long as you and the nursery are honest about how he's settling. He might enjoy the activities. As you said you can pull him out again. You might not be struggling with your mental health now but feeling worn down can be difficult enough, and if you're feeling better he'll benefit from that too.

Mine went to a Meithrin (playgroup) for 3 months a week from about 2 and a half - think it was about 2.5hours per session - in the local community centre.

Also where they have been for birthday parties, kickboxing classes when older, ti a fi (baby/toddler group where the parent stays - and was run by the same people who did the playgroup so most people took them there for a few sessions on a Thursday before they then went up to Meithrin) so very familiar to them - in fact went to a community food thing there the other day and it was the same people who ran the Meithrin and remembered my 9 year old from when he went there