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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not go to this wedding

63 replies

AIBU22 · 02/09/2020 18:24

Invited to a wedding in April that is next August. Invited by a friend who I used to be quite close to and who set me up with my now ex boyfriend. Groom is ex boyfriends best friend. Group that is going are all friends that I made through ex and none have really bothered with me since we broke up in January. No longer get invited to things. Wedding is a short flight away, everyone going for 3 nights and staying in same hotel. I just don't want to go. Im not part of the group anymore, I'd feel like a desperate hanger on, I still love my ex and us trying to be friends hasn't worked. I can already picture myself sat at wedding table alone feeling awful hundreds of miles from home. AIBU not to go? And how do I tell herP

OP posts:

Original poster

AIBU22 · 03/09/2020 18:23

I am well aware that you don't RSVP to a save the date.

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 03/09/2020 19:24

I think we have read the thread. And I quote:

Group that is going are all friends that I made through ex and none have really bothered with me since we broke up in January. No longer get invited to things.

So why don't you disengage from the WhatsApp group and just not go? How are they 'close' friends?

What will you do if your Ex rocks up with a +1?

Parker231 · 03/09/2020 19:42

I would leave the group chat

MulticolourMophead · 03/09/2020 19:47

@peachypetite

You are massively over thinking this! You don’t RSVP to a save the date.

But a lot of people who send out save the date cards actually don't understand what they are for, and expect a response.

MarleyTheDog · 03/09/2020 19:48

Nobody HAS to attend a wedding. You don’t want to go - just let the Bride know you can’t make the date. No explanation is necessary.

Rainbowshine · 03/09/2020 20:10

To leave the group just say you can’t make the date and hope that they have a great time celebrating the wedding. Why are you over complicating it?

nosswith · 03/09/2020 20:13

YANBU to not want to go. I think you should decline now, and I hope this will be respected.

SnackSizeRaisin · 03/09/2020 20:20

If no accommodation has been booked yet it's the perfect time to back out. Send a bland but friendly message to the b and g first stating sorry you can no longer make it but hope they have a lovely time, then leave the WhatsApp group. No one will be fuming. Most likely they will understand why, but no need for any explanation.

Lauraa7 · 03/09/2020 20:32

We’re you still friends with the ex when you received the save the date? Just because you received this doesn’t mean you will receive an invite. I’d wait to see if you are invited and then decline

wigglerose · 03/09/2020 20:37

I had someone drop out of my wedding a few weeks before it. She'd started a teaching job after accepting the RSVP but had only just remembered a few weeks before the wedding that the wedding was on a Friday. She was the fiance of one of my friends and I didn't know her very well so I wasn't that fussed to be honest.

Just politely decline and say you can no longer make it. No need to spell it out, they'll know anyway.

Original poster

AIBU22 · 03/09/2020 21:03

I've messaged her so hopefully she'll be okay. I couldn't have gone, I can just picture it now and it would be fucking horrendous from start to finish.

OP posts:

BigBlondeBimbo · 03/09/2020 21:04

She'll be fine op. Honestly, don't worry at all. If she isn't she must be a bit high maintenance, so you're probably better off steering clear anyway !

reader12 · 03/09/2020 21:31

Well done OP. Next step, wish them all well in the group chat, and then leave it. Then you can start to get over your ex.

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