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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be angry at my grans death ?

68 replies

idontthinkicare · 02/09/2020 16:39

My gran was in her late 90s
She fell broke her hip but recovered in April.
Social services said she had to go in care home.
The care home neglected her and she ended up nearly dying due to untreated uti and severe dehydration which damaged her kidneys.
Moved her care homes but she never picked up.
She was drinking sips of water and a few spoons of food.
The hospital put a care plan which stated they didn't think hospital admissions and iv drips was the right thing for her every few weeks.
So she effectively was left in the care home to die.
She was only drinking small amounts.
10 days ago she was really sleepy and I knew that was because she was dehydrated and I knew her salt levels will have been high.
Due to the care plan no hospital admissions.
She then died 7 days later.
I'm angry
When she first went in this home she was eating and drinking fine.
Now she's dead.
I know she died with dehydration didn't she?
If they had admitted her and put her on a drip she would still be here today?

OP posts:
Jesusweptagain · 02/09/2020 19:20

So sorry for your loss. Please know you done everything you could to afford your gran a good life - and a good quality of life. I think anger and guilt is so often a part of grief but know that you have done everything possible and your gran knows you loved her. I have worked on elderly care wards and it is BRUTAL for palliative and dying patients. It was the best thing for her to stop being moved there- she will have been far more comfortable surrounded by her own things and people who had come to know her. Hospitals cannot always have someone sitting with a patient at the end of their life - and frequently these types of wards are noisy and chaotic by their very nature. I have seen it and I would chose your grans death for myself or my loved ones over a last attempt at medical treatment in an unfamiliar surrounding with people who I've never met & who don't know me as a person instead of the lady in room 8. You done your best, your gran was loved and that in itself is wonderful. To depart this earth peacefully, in a comfy bed with no medical intervention knowing you are loved is truly the best we can hope for. Wishing you the strength needed for this time.

rvby · 02/09/2020 19:24

@idontthinkicare

She weighed under 4 stone,she had always been slim but she was a shadow of herself. I know I sound selfish wanting her here at all costs,I just love her so much. She was a mum to me. She loved shopping and afternoon teas. We used to play cards and watch old tv programs. Every week I would buy her a new jumper that she would "keep for best" but never wear but it didn't matter as her happy little face when she seen it made me so happy. She loved cuddles and singing. She would still love to brush my hair like she did when I was young then I would put her rollers in every Sunday. She's my everything..I just want her back
Oh my love. It's so hard to say goodbye. So so hard.

Just holding your hand. I'm crying some tears here for you. I know they don't mean much but they're all I can offer you.

I'm so sorry she died. My heart is with you.

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 02/09/2020 19:27

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP.Flowers

I thought I could get her drinking but she was just sipping everything and the smallest spoons of food.
You haven't let her down. When people are nearing the end of their lives they often eat and drink very little. My auntie would have a spoonful of food and then say she'd had enough. My DM died suddenly earlier this year and was seemingly in good health but, when I look back, had been eating like a sparrow for a couple of years. I think it is part of the subconscious process of ageing and preparing to die. I don't think you would have been able to make her eat or drink more.

You sound like you've been a lovely granddaughter and I'm sure your gran wouldn't want you to feel regret or guilt.

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 02/09/2020 19:36

It sounds as if you have lots of wonderful memories of times with your gran and I hope they help you through your grief. You clearly had a wonderful relationship.

giletrouge · 02/09/2020 19:46

What a wonderful connection the two of you had; you were blessed with each other. And now this is grieving, it's completely natural and you'll feel so many difficult feelings.
Big hugs. Flowers

ShiveringCoyote · 02/09/2020 20:09

Can I advise you to take a look at the bereavement board on MN? It really helped just reading it after the deaths of my parents, they died a few months apart.

@IncandescentSilver elderly care has to be different to a person's care in their 50s just as that has to be different to paediatrics. It's unfair to preserve life at all costs.

ExclamationPerfume · 02/09/2020 20:19

Your story is exactly the same as my Nan. We took the care home to a tribunal with social services for neglect. They lied through their teeth and got away with it. They had sheets saying all she had eat. She never eat a thing for two weeks. We tell everyone we know not to send their loved ones there.

idontthinkicare · 02/09/2020 21:01

We were more like mother and daughter.
After my mum died she promised her (her daughter ) she would look after me and she did.
Would you go to the chapel of rest ?
I don't know what to do

OP posts:
locked2020 · 02/09/2020 21:06

OP I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like you had a wonderful relationship with your gran. YANBU

rvby · 02/09/2020 21:12

If it were me, @idontthinkicare, i would go and see her. In the long run I think you'll feel worse not going to see her, because you'll wonder "what if". But there are no right or wrong answers. It's different for everyone.

Whatever you choose to do there will be folk to support you here.

Do you have anyone in real life supporting you?

GenderApostate19 · 02/09/2020 21:24

Please don’t feel that there would have been a different outcome if you could have made her eat and drink, it would have prolonged things and not helped.

My FiL died in July and SiL would not accept the end was coming, she was constantly trying to make him take food and liquid.

If you read up on the stages of death, it’s normal for someone to do this and it doesn’t cause them to suffer.

idontthinkicare · 02/09/2020 21:29

Yeah I have my dad and best friends who have been fantastic.
I miss her so much,she was my rock.

OP posts:
countbackfromten · 02/09/2020 21:50

I chose not to see my Nan after she died. I have seen how people change after they die (I’m a doctor) and I wanted to remember her differently - as the person she was when she was alive and just wonderful. But it is so personal @idontthinkicare. You don’t have to rush any decisions and happy to read you have good support from loved ones.

ColleagueFromMars · 02/09/2020 22:16

Yes it's a very personal decision to make that only you can do really. I think it can help people to accept that the person has really gone if the sudden new reality is proving hard to digest. I don't think I would like to, but you will make the right decision for yourself xxx

ViciousJackdaw · 02/09/2020 22:48

Of course it is natural to be angry and to look for blame when a loved one dies. Researchers have determined that it is a large part of the grieving process.

It is an unfortunate fact of life that a hip break/fracture in an elderly person can hasten death. This is particularly true of female patients and those with degenerative health conditions. It is thought that the pain, surgery and recovery simply depletes a patients resources, the remaining energy they have which is keeping them alive.

I spent six years working in nursing homes as a student and it was so common that symptoms of a UTI went unreported by the resident. Women born in times past simply did not talk about things 'down there'. Not like we do here on MN. It would often take a member of staff noticing that the contents of the commode were a little dark/strong for an infection to be determined. Also, bear in mind that many residents were unable to communicate meaningfully so could not inform us of any discomfort.

When someone is 'pre-death' (preparing to die) or 'actively dying', they will only be able to manage a sip or two, a couple of nibbles. They will be tired and weak, sleeping often.

As awful as this sounds, what happened to your gran was simply 'facts of life'. There's no way I can dress it up, this is how a natural death occurs. We might be used to there being a concrete cause of dying, cancer or a road accident. When there is no one factor to blame, we can and do dwell on the 'what ifs'. I do not mean to be crass her but perhaps consider the 'what ifs' of your gran surviving. Dying as she did was far more dignified and merciful than a death in the late stages of dementia.

As for visiting her, you mustn't feel that you have to. A body is just a set of overalls really. Not the beautiful soul she clearly was. Not the memories you have and not the love you shared.

hulahooper2 · 02/09/2020 23:28

So sorry for your loss , as others have said your gran reached her time , at her age and with dementia she would have no quality of life if she lived a few more years. Talk about her often and try to remember the Fun times with her, you didn’t let her down , be proud you’ve done all you could for her x

Haenow · 03/09/2020 09:48

I’m sorry for your loss. Flowers I remember your previous threads. It’s clear you loved her dearly and she will have passed away knowing she was loved and cherished. She lived a long life but I know it doesn’t make it any easier. It sounds like she had a peaceful passing which is so important and better than in a hospital environment. The sad fact is that, with her age, dementia and hip fracture, her prognosis was very poor.
It seems like you’d benefit from grief counselling. It might be worth looking online if there are any video or phone sessions, as I’m not sure how much face to face counselling is happening at the moment.
Look after yourself.

SummerL1ght207 · 03/09/2020 12:20

Sorry for your loss

I remember your previous posts

You shared LOTS of good years together with your DG & you should remember these first

It has been a strange year with the Covid virus & some things were changed for everyone

Has the funeral taken place yet ? This is your opportunity to say a final good bye

Do you have something personal to keep that belonged to your DG, some photos, an item ?

Nobody knows how long we have to live

Take care

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