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Original poster

Nearly snapped at sister in law - vent

51 replies

Twizbe · 02/09/2020 14:06

Don't want to be too outing so details will be vague. Basically I need to vent somewhere.

We are currently staying with my in-laws while some major work happens to our house. We are paying board and husband and I are taking on as much of the household upkeep as MiL is allowing. We have our two kids there as well and are not asking for any childcare support from them.

My sil is also staying temporarily with a puppy she acquired in lockdown. Lovely dog. She is staying because she has no garden in her flat and wanted him to be crate and toilet trained before taking him home.

Oh.my.god! This woman is in her mid 30s and is like a teenager. She never cleans up after herself, doesn't get up with the dog, expects everyone else to look after it, then complains we aren't doing it right, seems to have a major blind spot when it comes to keys, expects everyone to dance to her tune ...

I nearly lost it today after one too many immature actions from her.

How bad would it be if I told her the truth? Everyone else just pussy foots around her

OP posts:
MrsSlipSlop · 02/09/2020 14:18

Maybe SIL is staying because you are there and she’s staking a claim to the IL’s attention and if you complain about her it may be you that has to leave, even though you are paying your keep and she is freeloading.

Bide your time for now and remember her behaviour in case she “needs” to stay with you some day!

justilou1 · 02/09/2020 14:39

Do it...

mummmy2017 · 03/09/2020 09:34

Don't rock the boat, you will be blamed.
Let your MIL send DD home.
Going out for the day and go first, letting MIL be home before you is always a good one.
She will know only selfish SIL is to blame.

Mammabear23 · 03/09/2020 09:45

Don't say anything. Don't look after her puppy. Don't tidy up after her. Easier said than done. If puppy has made a mess etc call her to sort it out. You can't keep a track of everything.

ScrapThatThen · 03/09/2020 09:49

Not your place

Florencex · 03/09/2020 09:53

It would be very bad for you to share some home truths. You are the “in-law”, she is staying with her parents, if they have a problem then it is for them to raise.

MarthasGinYard · 03/09/2020 09:54

She is with her parents

You are the guest

Say nothing

But

Don't tidy up after her, don't dog sit and get out as soon as you can.

Alwaysinpain · 03/09/2020 09:55

What do you mean by a blind spot when it comes to keys?

FrenchBoule · 03/09/2020 10:02

What @MarthasGinYard said.

Vent away here, don’t say anything at home, unless asked.

Puppy is SIL’s responsibility and so is her mess.If she complains about it be blunt with her.

It’s kind of your MIL to let you stay, don’t spoil it. Disengage from SIL.

giantangryrooster · 03/09/2020 10:19

@MarthasGinYard

She is with her parents

You are the guest

Say nothing

But

Don't tidy up after her, don't dog sit and get out as soon as you can.

This.
Dozer · 03/09/2020 10:20

Agree with PPs.

Plus, do nothing whatsoever with the dog.

Dozer · 03/09/2020 10:20

If dog needs attention, inform SiL, every time.

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 03/09/2020 10:21

What Martha said

TulipsTwoLips · 03/09/2020 10:26

Are your children enjoying having the puppy around? I would have loved that as a child.

I wouldn't say anything.

DowntonCrabby · 03/09/2020 10:31

Agree with PP just stop doing anything that she should be doing.

Original poster
Twizbe · 03/09/2020 14:38

@Alwaysinpain

What do you mean by a blind spot when it comes to keys?
She never takes her keys. She always rings the doorbell. Even if it's late at night and everyone else (including the kids) are in bed.

She lives alone normally so is capable of taking keys with her, and she does have a key to the house ... she just doesn't use it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Twizbe · 03/09/2020 14:39

I won't say anything, just deep breaths and hope that she goes back to her home soon.

To be fair to her, yesterday seemed to be a slight turning point and she has take a bit more care of the dog since .... a bit

OP posts:
AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 03/09/2020 14:42

Poor dog. Sounds like a duff owner for it to have, if she doesn't take responsibility for her own actions.

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/09/2020 14:43

There’s no way you won’t be your bad guy. The fact she’s getting away with her behaviour shows the rest of the family have a blind spot about that so you can’t win by pointing it out.

Pretend she and the dog aren’t there. SIL for civil and detached. Don’t get in her business, don’t let her in yours. Not your circus not your monkeys.

Piffle11 · 03/09/2020 15:03

I don’t think you should say anything: Ultimately, it’s her family’s home, not yours… So if anybody is going to say something, it should be either ILs or your DH. What I would do though, is make sure that you don’t have anything to do with looking after her dog, or tidying up after her, or letting her in when she is ringing the bell because she has forgotten her keys: if in-laws keep having to do this, then perhaps they will get fed up. Alternatively, when the dog needs attention in the morning, open her bedroom door and shove him through it.

PrincessZog · 03/09/2020 15:27

Do we share the same SIL? Honestly the stories I could tell you about mine - I've seriously considered posting here about her and have only resisted because I was worried it would be too outing.

And we also lived with the in-laws for a time! (Fortunately she wasn't living there at the same time).

Unsurprisingly her relationship with my DH has broken down because of her consistently selfish behaviour and complete lack of interest in anyone but herself (she probably couldn't pick our DC out of a line-up).

The ILs finally noticed when they mentioned recently asked "are you inviting DSis round for a bit of tea and cake on your birthday, son?" and he made some dismissive comment and then it all came tumbling out.

It turns out they mostly agree with us about her (although they did try and give a few lame excuses for her shitty behaviour) but think there's nothing that can be done to change it.

In terms of your situation, I think wait and see if it comes out organically but tread v v carefully - and most of all, just busy yourself with kids/whatever whenever there's any of her mess (dog or otherwise) that needs dealing with - including answering the door.

Original poster
Twizbe · 03/09/2020 15:40

@PrincessZog

Do we share the same SIL? Honestly the stories I could tell you about mine - I've seriously considered posting here about her and have only resisted because I was worried it would be too outing.

And we also lived with the in-laws for a time! (Fortunately she wasn't living there at the same time).

Unsurprisingly her relationship with my DH has broken down because of her consistently selfish behaviour and complete lack of interest in anyone but herself (she probably couldn't pick our DC out of a line-up).

The ILs finally noticed when they mentioned recently asked "are you inviting DSis round for a bit of tea and cake on your birthday, son?" and he made some dismissive comment and then it all came tumbling out.

It turns out they mostly agree with us about her (although they did try and give a few lame excuses for her shitty behaviour) but think there's nothing that can be done to change it.

In terms of your situation, I think wait and see if it comes out organically but tread v v carefully - and most of all, just busy yourself with kids/whatever whenever there's any of her mess (dog or otherwise) that needs dealing with - including answering the door.

We could well do lol. She forgot both my kids birthdays this year. Didn't even bother with a card.

There is a lot I'm keeping a lid on. Thankfully DH is on the same page and is annoyed by the same things so we can vent to each other lol

OP posts:
Zakana · 03/09/2020 15:43

Poor pup, no garden, stuck in a flat and having to be crate trained, just the thought of any of my dogs having to stay in a crate for anymore than a limited amount of time makes me cringe, I didn’t have dogs until I was in a house with a garden, and there was always someone at home with them, hope the pup won’t be crated all day whilst she’s at work, but I know I’m a bit precious about dogs and all animals anyway, hope she manages it and the pup isn’t pushed from pillar to post. Everyone who knows me knows I prefer animals and especially dogs to most people anyway so what do I know? I am most probably biased massively. As for your SIL, just don’t clean up etc after her, don’t think you can really blast her for being that way in her own parents’ house, however annoying and thoughtless she seems to be.

Ohtherewearethen · 03/09/2020 16:45

It sounds like she's not mature or responsible enough to look after herself, never mind a puppy. It's like she's reverted back to being a teenager now she's back in her parents' house. This would infuriate me too but no good will come of mentioning it. I think guy just have to silently seethe and hope you or she is out of there soon!

Original poster
Twizbe · 04/09/2020 13:07

Just thought I'd update. Dog has now been dumped for a week while she goes on a jolly and 'works' .....

OP posts:
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