weird woman at work

[sixswans]

There's a (gay, married) woman at my work who has a crush on me (she's told people this). She's also autistic to some degree, and just doesn't get social cues or hints at all. She's constantly trying to get my attention, being over effusive, if I assist her with anything, even minor, (work related) she buys me chocolates. She clearly wants to be friends and doesn't get the hint that I want to be professional acquaintances only. If we have a minor insignificant interaction at work she'll message me that evening on facebook, saying things like 'thanks so much for blah blah blah, hope all's well with you'. A couple of times she's randomly driven in next to my car just as I'm leaving work, 'because she needed to tell me my car windows were open', though there's no reason for her to be there. I can only assume she was waiting.

I find her annoying, but harmless, but it does make me feel uncomfortable at times. Currently my approach is avoiding unnecessary contact, being polite when needing to, and not replying to any social media messages. It feels weird ignoring messages but I'm not obliged to interact with someone outside of work if I don't want to do I?! Am I rude ignoring her?! Anyone been in this situation?

work place things like this can be tricky.
years ago a woman i hardly knew at work kind of latched on to me. it wasn't sexual but i found it very difficult. i was new there and her mother had just died. she asked me to go to the funeral. i didn;;t want to, as it was triggering for me, spent day before off sick, lying on a park bench.
i made myself go, found it v depressing, esp long drive to cemetery, and her aunts literally causing a row at the grave.
then she asked me to visit her at home, insisted i stay as her husband was away, then have to go to church with her next day, then take her to visit her father...later leaving notes/items on my car. she presented as kind of helpless, unworldly, yet i think was not. she managed to undermine me without seeming to, by saying odd things.
i felt exhausted, and depressed, yet sort or bound to try to support her. it affected me badly.
later she stopped talking to me in the office and became quite off-hand. it was very confusing. as if i had done her wrong, or that we had had an affair. it was an awkward atmosphere.
i felt used, and i think i was easily manipulated.
you should talk to HR asap. wish i had. good luck.

she asked me to go to the funeral. i didn;;t want to, as it was triggering for me, spent day before off sick, lying on a park bench.
i made myself go

Why on earth did you go??

Thanks for the advice everyone, some useful suggestions. I will sort the facebook thing out first!

So because she's not a 'threat' or a 'risk', the OP should put up with this woman telling people she has a crush on her and making her feel uncomfortable in the workplace? I hope you don't work in HR...

Reading comprehension is obviously not your strong point @WorraLiberty.

My post didn’t suggest that in any way.

I was responding to (your?) previous post which was clearly scoffing at a posters reassurance that this woman is likely to be less risk to the op than a man would be if exhibiting the same behaviour.

It’s blindingly obvious and statistically proven than men are more risk to women than women...there’s no harm in someone pointing that out to the op and zero need to respond with such derision to that poster as it’s obviously true 🙄

Pointing that out isn’t the same as telling the op to put up and shut up. The op has had lots of good advice about raising to HR etc.

@ImaSababa

*she asked me to go to the funeral. i didn;;t want to, as it was triggering for me, spent day before off sick, lying on a park bench. i made myself go*

Why on earth did you go??

because it was a while ago, i was younger, new to the workplace, and i felt how can i be so selfish and self-indulgent to put my feelings first, when she has suffered such a great loss. it's the least i can do, to shew support. i had never met her mother, so it ought to have been just the time and effort to go. that's what i told myself. she was actually laughing and joking at the church, i wasn't. the event went on all day. it's easy with hindsight. wish i had kept a wide berth from her and her strange behaviours.

If she is slightly autistic don't worry about being rude autistic or Hugh function autism is about direct information. If she doesn't understand nuances etc then be direct . Say what you need to without and inference be direct and clear about what you want

If she has autism, you must be direct. No more crossing wires and being indirect just tell how you feel. Maybe she just wants to be friends I wouldn’t assume she has a crush on you just because she’s friendly.

Just talk to her.

So far her “crimes” have involved saying thanks on messenger and buying chocolate. Yet people are claiming this is sexual harassment and should be reported to HR. Are you insane? You can’t complain to HR that someone said thank you. It would leave a path for her to make a complaint about disability harassment.

Definitely block her on FB. I would then have a direct conversation with her with examples the next time she makes you uncomfortable. I would also tell your manager you are doing so