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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Returning to work and FaceBook

62 replies

CathTurnbull · 01/09/2020 20:06

I really don’t know if IABU or overthinking this.

I work in what I thought was a friendly team and we have been on furlough, due to go back to work tomorrow. Most of us are on Facebook and have posted general stuff for the last 6 months about our day, what we’re up to, how are children are etc.

As we gradually came out of lockdown I started going out and about more, meeting people for walks, and noticed that people gradually stopped commenting on my posts.

I haven’t broken any rules but have been quite active for example went out a lot with the ‘eat out to help out’ scheme and went to Corfu last minute for my birthday and got back yesterday.

I’ve private messaged my colleagues who all seem ok, but are a bit cold and abrupt in there responses. I get the distinct impression I have upset them / pissed them off.

I’m due to see them tomorrow and feel a bit anxious- have I done anything wrong?

OP posts:
ILoveFood87 · 01/09/2020 20:11

Duh re-read what you put.

ForTheLoveOfCatFood · 01/09/2020 20:13

Why have you private messaged them? Wouldn’t occur to me to message a work colleague to be honest

ShirleyPhallus · 01/09/2020 20:13

General Facebook updates on life are, unfortunately, incredibly boring

I suspect at the start everyone was really enthusiastic and that’s now died off. See also: the very abrupt way everyone stopped doing pub quizzes via zoom.

See also first point: fb updates on life are just really boring, everyone is probably bored of hearing about your life

lanthanum · 01/09/2020 20:15

Nobody is obliged to comment on your posts. Everyone's different in how much they use Facebook; some just read, some comment lots, and perhaps some who were commenting lots while locked down feel less need to now they're out and about more.

I see posts about people's holidays/eating out and sometimes I'll comment, but more often I'll leave it - I know they'll have family who are really keen to see every picture but I'm not necessarily that interested. It's also possible that some colleagues have had holidays or short breaks cancelled, and are feeling a bit sore about it.

Smallsteps88 · 01/09/2020 20:17

I’d be Hmm about you coming into work 2 days after flying home from Corfu tbh.

EdwardCullensBiteOnTheSide · 01/09/2020 20:17

@ilovefood87 what are you on about?

lljkk · 01/09/2020 20:21

imho, you should not notice or care how much people comment on your posts. If you think they don't like your posts, you can custom hide posts from individuals who don't share your views. I do this a lot with my teenagers

Monr0e · 01/09/2020 20:23

OP, how often are you posting? You mentioned all the things you have been doing, does this mean you have posted about them all?

People use Facebook in different ways. I'll put a post on maybe 3 or 4 times a year. I have friends who will put something on nearly every day. No judgement, just different. However I certainly don't like or comment on their many many posts, doesn't mean I have a problem with them.

It's a horrible feeling, worrying how others think of you. But the likelihood is they have more than enough going on in their own lives to be thinking about you.

How are you all usually when in work? Just go in and act like normal and get on with your day.

BashfulClam · 01/09/2020 20:24

Maybe they have other things to be thinking about that some workmates daily updates!

SillyMoomin · 01/09/2020 20:24

You’re way too involved in what your colleagues may or may not potentially maybe possibly think about your facebook posts Confused

Just go to work tomorrow.

GoingBackTo505 · 01/09/2020 20:26

You private messaged your colleagues to ask why they weren't liking your Facebook posts? That's quite a strange thing to do. I'm not sure I'd know what to say if a colleague did that to me.

Doingitaloneandproud · 01/09/2020 20:27

I was going to say, it could be the only getting back from Corfu yesterdayConfused

LilyLongJohn · 01/09/2020 20:30

Do you post much? I have a friend, who I love dearly, but she's constantly posting on fb. Used to bore me to tears so I put her on a fb break. I see her regularly but I very rarely post on her status

BigBadVoodooHat · 01/09/2020 20:30

I was going to say, it could be the only getting back from Corfu yesterday

Yes. Damn you, Cath Turnbull ~ you and your Corfu holiday and your gregarious lifestyle that is strictly within the rules and your private messaging of colleagues and your very excellent and convincing username. [shakes fist] Angry

Sootikinstew · 01/09/2020 20:31

How tedious.

mellowgreenspring · 01/09/2020 20:32

I suggest you stop posting on Facebook then your worry is solved!

I'm sure it's the usual jealous, judgmental or simply bored of updates? But who's benefiting from your posts? You or them? Why do you feel the need to post?

We have friends like this, "making memories" "living the dream" posts we know their relationship is dysfunctional to put it mildly and it's all a load of tosh to annoy the ex partners.

That's the reason they post weekly updates, otherwise I just don't get the purpose.

BigBadVoodooHat · 01/09/2020 20:32

I'm not sure I'd know what to say if a colleague did that to me.

Yeah, but this is Cath Turnbull we're talking about here. You know what Cath's like. She's a right one for the palaver, isn't she?!

ShinyMe · 01/09/2020 20:32

Have they been busy at work, picking up lots of extra work while you've been off eating out and going on holiday? Have they been shielding or worrying about vulnerable loved ones and therefore nervous and avoiding doing social things?

I know I'm an antisocial grump (I deleted Facebook ages ago) but I couldn't give a monkeys about my colleagues' meals out or holidays. I'd muster some enthusiasm and interest if they told me face to face, but on social media I would scroll right on by.

combatbarbie · 01/09/2020 20:34

Did you put holiday in for your holiday to Corfu.... My sister has worked all through lockdown with an odd day off here and there but can't get any holidays because everyone still on furlough is putting holidays in for Oct and Nov. Bit of a piss take really.

Original poster
CathTurnbull · 01/09/2020 20:34

Yeah I totally get that people use FB differently- it just seems that we all started off posting lots of stuff and commenting on each other’s posts, but as time has gone on it seems everyone is still posting as much as they ever did but no one comments on mine anymore which gave me the impression I may have upset them?

I am probably reading too much into it- hopefully we’ll all get on together tomorrow

OP posts:
Original poster
CathTurnbull · 01/09/2020 20:34

Oh yes, my holiday was all above board!

OP posts:
Rose789 · 01/09/2020 20:41

I have a colleague like you. Updates every single thing they do on Facebook- normally with at least 4 pictures attached. Very few people comment or like them anymore because it’s just so in your face and attention seeking. She pouted in a team brief the other day when someone asked another person how their holiday was and that they’d loved the pictures that he’d put on but never comments on hers.

ghostyslovesheets · 01/09/2020 20:51

god that Cath Turnbull - at it again

Starbuggy · 01/09/2020 20:51

I can’t believe a grown adult would message their colleagues to ask why they’re not commenting on their Facebook posts! I would roll my eyes if it was a ten year old. Grow up!

Your colleagues really don’t have more than a passing interest in what you’re doing, and if you’re posting all the tine even that limited interest is bound to wane.

itswinetime · 01/09/2020 20:54

At the start of lockdown everyone was home everyone was bored hence lots of time for comments on social media ect. Now life is restarting people are busier less time for comments. It's the same as video chats and zoom quizzes, they were all the time now they have died a death! It's a natural thing I wouldn't jump to the conclusion I have ilset anyone!

The key question is before lockdown were you the kind of friends that commented or messaged all the time? Or did you catch up in person?