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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Returning to work and FaceBook

62 replies

CathTurnbull · 01/09/2020 20:06

I really don’t know if IABU or overthinking this.

I work in what I thought was a friendly team and we have been on furlough, due to go back to work tomorrow. Most of us are on Facebook and have posted general stuff for the last 6 months about our day, what we’re up to, how are children are etc.

As we gradually came out of lockdown I started going out and about more, meeting people for walks, and noticed that people gradually stopped commenting on my posts.

I haven’t broken any rules but have been quite active for example went out a lot with the ‘eat out to help out’ scheme and went to Corfu last minute for my birthday and got back yesterday.

I’ve private messaged my colleagues who all seem ok, but are a bit cold and abrupt in there responses. I get the distinct impression I have upset them / pissed them off.

I’m due to see them tomorrow and feel a bit anxious- have I done anything wrong?

OP posts:
MrsMoastyToasty · 01/09/2020 20:59

....and this is why I don't have colleagues (or ex colleagues who still keep in touch with my current workmates) as friends on Facebook. I keep my private life private.
They're not friends. They are people I'm paid to do tasks with in the same building.

Iwant2beJKRwhenIgrowUp · 01/09/2020 21:01

@itswinetime

At the start of lockdown everyone was home everyone was bored hence lots of time for comments on social media ect. Now life is restarting people are busier less time for comments. It's the same as video chats and zoom quizzes, they were all the time now they have died a death! It's a natural thing I wouldn't jump to the conclusion I have ilset anyone!

The key question is before lockdown were you the kind of friends that commented or messaged all the time? Or did you catch up in person?

This 100%.

WhatsApp groups too. I'm in a fair few work/family/friends/school etc

At first we were all glued to our phones for updates, sharing memes etc

Now its back to pre lock down level as we all start getting out and about, and used to the new normal.

Laaalaaaa · 01/09/2020 21:04

Maybe they’re actually adults and don’t
feel the need to post every single mundane moment of their lives on Facebook. Nor feel the need to react to others constant status updates - tedious.

bigchris · 01/09/2020 21:05

Is Corfu on the list where you have to isolate when you come home? Because if it's not why everyone being so judgy about going on holiday which is allowed

ZenZebra · 01/09/2020 21:14

I find that I tend to pay more attention to the posts from people who rarely post anything.

It's a bit like being in a room full of people who talk a lot. After a while you start to tune out a little. When someone who rarely says anything speaks up, you pay attention because it's likely to be something important.

Saying that, I like reading my friends' posts about their holidays and trips. It's about the closest I'm going to get to a holiday of my own this year!

Tomatoesneedtoripen · 01/09/2020 21:17

what do you want mn to say?

Posturesorposes · 01/09/2020 21:18

You messaged people asking why they aren’t liking your posts? What. I have awesome friends who are also colleagues and I wouldn’t think of asking this of them or of just anyone. What the fuck

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/09/2020 21:20

What did you say in your private messages?

Are they friends or colleagues? There’s a difference.

Doingitaloneandproud · 01/09/2020 21:23

@bigchris

Is Corfu on the list where you have to isolate when you come home? Because if it's not why everyone being so judgy about going on holiday which is allowed
As far as I know it's not, but people can be funny in times like these. It wouldn't bother me if a colleague had gone away, but others maybe wary and no one could blame them for thatHmm I would just ignore it and go in to work tomorrow, I'm sure it'll all be normal when you're there, I hope the first day back goes well and hope you enjoyed your birthday holiday Smile
Doingitaloneandproud · 01/09/2020 21:24

Sorry second part of the message was to OP

MrsSpookyM · 01/09/2020 21:28

I'll tell you my perspective - I've been feeling a bit grumpy and bitter towards MIL recently. She's furloughed, I'm still wfh full time.

I've had to unfollow her on FB. It's not her fault, but her posts were giving me the rate.

I've personally had a very difficult time since lockdown started. In theory I'm still ft wfh, but for so many technical and logistical reasons it's been very stressful. I have some physical health problems at the moment that have made it less fun. This has compounded some ongoing (but usually well managed) MH issues I have. Plus a couple of my family members have been unwell, and I haven't been able to see them in person. Lockdown has basically been really fucking hard on me for several reasons (none of which are MILs fault of course).

On the other hand, MIL is having a fucking whale of a time being furloughed, afternoon tea in various friends and neighbors gardens, doing more of her hobby than ever, has done up her garden, yoga, hiking, posting on FB what a gift this free time has been, how refreshed and rested she is etc etc. Happy smiling photos, enjoying what she's seen as a lovely paid 5 months off.

In the meantime I'm spinning a hundred plates, while wfh, with health problems, feeling like my world has gone to shit and I'm a prisoner in my living room.

None of my problems are anything to do with MIL, and she's a lovely lady. But I cannot keep looking at her daily blessed #lucky #makingmemories smug oblivious crap on FB anymore. It makes me want to cry.

So perhaps your colleagues are having similarly difficult lockdowns?

LittleHootie · 01/09/2020 21:36

Hello Cath Turnbull. I think people do drop off liking social media posts if there's too many updates. Or if the posts are a bit "look at me and all the eating out and holidays I do". Try not to take it personally, in real life people are mostly nice and dont let your inoffensive Facebook feed govern how they feel about you.

ChickenyChick · 01/09/2020 21:51

I have some friends on FB who just use it to show off (look at me having fun! look at me on holiday! Look at my kids' GCSE grades)

I sort of zone out

I "like" (FB like) post from friends who post random or amusing or self deprecating stuff a lot more, or honest rants or ridiculous moments of self doubt, or great achievemenst that I know mean a lot to them for personal reasons. (eg a friend with anxiety and agoraphobia who managed to go out to a pub, I will "love" her post because I know the back story, the friend with a difficult husband who is doing a big old 24 mile walk on her own, that sort of thing.)

But the straight "look at MEEE!" FB posters to me are just boring and I often unfollow them...

Maybe your colleagues unfollowed you, I don't follow any colleagues actively on social media

daisychain01 · 01/09/2020 21:52

Lesson in life - never get sucked into over sharing with people at work. You'll get judged, people can't help themselves.

tarasharp · 01/09/2020 21:53

It’s very easy to look too deep into stuff like this. Ignore facebook, everything will be fine. Good luck for your first day back. 🙂

jessstan2 · 01/09/2020 22:31

Facebook is dire.

Who is Cath Turnbull?

catsarecute · 01/09/2020 22:44

If they don't think you've been social distancing, that may affect how they feel about working in an office with you. If you've taken any risks, that's also now a risk you pose to them. I'd be super careful/respectful of social distancing when you get into work, and probably not post as much on Facebook for a while. I don't like as many people's posts as I did pre-covid, where I can see they are not social distancing. It's driving me mad seeing how people don't seem to be bothering with social distancing any more. I wouldn't fall out with anyone about it, but i would probably decline any offers to meet up with them for now, too.

JJsDinerWaffles · 01/09/2020 22:48

I think it’s worth remembering that people’s comments on fb and the way they reply to messages often don’t reflect real life feelings. I’ve got myself in knots about this I the past and it’s genuinely been that people are busy/tied up with kids etc, but when we meet in person it’s fine and lovely. Nothing is a substitute for face to face conversation so try not to think too much if it.

ohflourofscotland · 01/09/2020 22:51

@ILoveFood87

Duh re-read what you put.
This 👆🏻
BunnyLovesBananas · 01/09/2020 23:00

I don't think OP message the friends to ask why they don't like her posts, at least that's how I read it

jessstan2 · 01/09/2020 23:12

Thanks BigBad but link takes me nowhere so I am none the wiser. Not to worry.

WorraLiberty · 01/09/2020 23:14

I shouldn't have clicked that link. It's downloaded something straight onto my laptop.

BigBadVoodooHat · 01/09/2020 23:21

@WorraLiberty

I shouldn't have clicked that link. It's downloaded something straight onto my laptop.
Oh, that’s weird, sorry about that. It’s just a gif of this
Returning to work and FaceBook
WorraLiberty · 02/09/2020 00:17

Phew! Thanks BigBadVoodooHat. I wouldn't mind but I never click random links. Just caught in a moment of madness Grin