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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Uncomfortable living with PIL

29 replies

mrsuncomfortable · 01/09/2020 16:41

Here for three weeks until our new house is ready.

I'm very close with them both but sometimes MIL is just moody and now I'm worried that it's me so I'm trying stay out the way a bit.
Not really an AIBU but I don't know what to do 😫

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 01/09/2020 16:45

Stay out of the way. Were they happy you were moving in? I’d die for my close family but if any of them moved in I’d kill them.

Gatehouse77 · 01/09/2020 16:51

It might take some longer to adjust than others. I’d be patient and give as much space as I could.

Aquamarine1029 · 01/09/2020 16:53

Stay out of her way and be out of the house for as much time as possible. Are you working?

WorraLiberty · 01/09/2020 16:53

@AnneLovesGilbert

Stay out of the way. Were they happy you were moving in? I’d die for my close family but if any of them moved in I’d kill them.
Perfectly put! 🤣🤣🤣
Original poster
mrsuncomfortable · 01/09/2020 16:58

They wanted us too come she was so excited. Some days she's fine then today she's just moody not really talking. We went out all day and came back at 4.

We're moving to a new city so don't start our new jobs until end of this month. We only have 2 weeks and a few days left here so it will fly by I just hate feeling uncomfortable.

OP posts:
NameAnon101 · 01/09/2020 17:04

3 weeks will go in no time

AryaStarkWolf · 01/09/2020 17:06

3 weeks is a long time to be living with people you're not used to. You're doing all you can though and giving each other some space, tomorrow might be better!

billy1966 · 01/09/2020 17:36

Make sure you go out every day, if only for a long walk.
Make sure to offer to do shopping, cooking, cleaning up after dinner.

Offer to organise a meal out or take out.
Leave bathrooms/kitchen tidy after you.

Be good guests.
She may just be moody.
Flowers

Florencex · 01/09/2020 17:38

I have had PIL stay with me for four weeks when I lived overseas. I wouldn’t want to actually move in with them (or anyone else) either but a few weeks will soon go. Don’t have to be in each other’s pockets.

Terrace58 · 01/09/2020 17:54

I love getting to visit with my family, but after a couple of days I am exhausted. They talk all the time. I just want to sit quietly sometimes.

So I would just make sure to give them some space, even if it’s just engaging in a quiet activity and letting them decide how much conversation needs to happen.

mrsBtheparker · 01/09/2020 20:12

Maybe they're finding it difficult too, her 'moods' may be a reflection of this. It's not always the IL's fault!

willowmelangell · 01/09/2020 20:18

Be a good guest and don't forget a leaving thank you present.

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/09/2020 22:29

It’s incredibly kind of them to host you. Having you there ft has got to be an imposition no matter how genuine the offer was.

Are you pitching in considerately, cleaning, tidying up after yourselves, offering to make drinks, meals, shopping for food etc?

It may be that expectation and reality aren’t matching up for her/them, or just that having two extra adults around nearly 24/7 is just too much.

Sewsosew · 01/09/2020 22:45

I think extra people in your home is hard, even if you like them.
I would find reasons to go out. Have you got a car? Can you pack a lunch and go and eat it somewhere, have a walk. Any new house research you need to go do?
In normal times I would suggest the movies to be out more.”

Catladychaos · 01/09/2020 23:32

Oh I feel for you, but we did it the other way round. Bought a house, my in laws came with because we were building them a place to live in the garden (its bigger than it sounds!) I love them both dearly but I had a very different upbringing to my husband, we had space and privacy, which is something they dont get. Luckily they are in the annex now but that was a LOOOOONG 2 years. You've got this, the moods will pass and MIL will be back to normal. You have two choices, keep out of the way, or say to her that you're there is she needs you, the latter has worked better for me in the past.

CharlieTangoBanana · 01/09/2020 23:38

Buy her some flowers, if she's feeling a bit overwhelmed by being a good host she will really appreciate it

AskingforaBaskin · 02/09/2020 00:56

What's she doing that makes you think she's moody?

I am constantly being accused of 'moodiness' when I'm just....existing

Luckily my husband is very used to me and assures people I'm not in a mood that it is just how my face is and that I have nothing to say.

AskingforaBaskin · 02/09/2020 00:57

But also I would rather complete Dante's entire trip through the inferno rather than stay with relatives for 3 weeks.

LadyMinerva · 02/09/2020 01:23

Meh, 3 weeks will be over before you know. I lived with mine for 2 years whilst our home was being built.

Just keep to yourself as much as you can and say as little as possible.

LadyMinerva · 02/09/2020 01:25

@ASKINGFORABASKIN I hear you.. The joys of RBF!

'why are you so angry'? 'what's wrong'?

NOTHING, IT'S JUST MY FACE!!!

Serenity45 · 02/09/2020 01:34

We managed 6 weeks at PIL when we were between houses and our stuff was in storage. Incredibly kind of them and we managed OK...but...we moved into our empty property with an airbed 2 weeks early. It was that or my DH may well have smothered them in their sleep Grin

onlinelinda · 02/09/2020 07:40

I think the key thing is to help around the house and make sure you are not creating her extra work or shopping. Or costing them
More than they can afford.

Twizbe · 02/09/2020 07:44

I feel you. We've just moved in with my PIL while our house is renovated. We're going to be here for at least 3 months .... it's hard at first and it takes a while to adjust and settle into the new routine.

We've made it clear that my MIL doesn't have to host us and we keep everywhere tidy and do our own cleaning.

It does get easier

AliTheMinx · 02/09/2020 08:59

I find house guests exhausting - no matter who they are or how long they are staying. I can just never fully relax. I agree with PPs. Try to give PIL a little space and understand that quiet time is fine.

Redcups64 · 02/09/2020 09:08

It’s hard to live with people, even if you love them, that’s normal.

She could be in a mood for any reason, it’s ok to not always be upbeat. I’d pop to the shop and buy her some flowers...people love flowers!!

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