To consider calling social services on yourself.

[starlet14]

I need help. I have two children with additional needs. My partner is a fab dad but works long hours. We are exhausted. We don't get a break from it ever. This has been going on long before covid.

My eldest does has autism not do a thing he's told ever. Constantly screaming at us and his younger siblings. Swearing, screaming, just being awful. His behaviour is appalling. He is very self centred.

Today I lost it. I've had enough. I've had a terrible year. We all have with covid but a few other things going on in my life. I screamed at him, dragged him into his room and shut him in there so we could could cool down. He swore at me over something I didn't do right for him and I lost it.

Now I'm the bad guy.

Aibu to consider calling social services on mhself? We need some help and support. I don't know how to get it. There is literally nothing out there for us. We are very alone.

Aibu?

Posting here for traffic.

How awful for you.
Yes call them ,or your health visitor.
Most places have family support centres now as well , google your local one.
Are they at school or going back soon ?
Ours is only taking on line referrals at the moment , you can self refer.
Hope you get some help soon.

PS you're not the bad guy.

It sounds exhausting, and I'd encourage you to do so but probably not in the way you might think! If you Google your local area + children's services you should find some contact numbers and an online form. I don't know where you are but in England and Wales most referrals go through a central hub or mash (multi agency service hub) where you can either ask about a particular level of support or your referral will be filtered through to the right level. So it's the same method to contact whether you're looking for baby groups or for family support right through to child safety concerns.
It's definitely worth finding out what's available to you, even if it's just a listening ear and a reassurance that you're not the only one feeling like this.

I did!

With having a child with a disability you are entitled to an assessment under some section (can't remember off top of head!)

They will try and fob you off but it's classed as child in need.

There's a great information sheet on contact about this with template letters to make them comply.

Give us a tic and I'll get link

contact.org.uk/advice-and-support/social-care/

you're not the bad guy. I promise. Yes call them, they can help you. You need a break.

Your not a bad guy. As above poster has said you're entitled to a needs assessment.m as you have a disabled child and all children with disabilities are classed as children in need. Your child may get help to access clubs etc and you may get restpite. Ask for a children with disabilities social worker. Please dont feel bad about yourself as a parent, the legislation wouldn't be there to help if it wasnt recognised that parents of kids with disabilities needed extra support. X

Yes, call and tell them you need support as you’re at breaking point,

Sadly this is often the only way to be able to access funding for respite etc.

I used to work in SS and had a couple of parents of children with SEN actually turn up at SS and refuse to leave until they'd seen a SW. I don't suggest you do that, especially at the moment (COVID) but do call and ask about services and respite. Why wouldn't you? And don't sugar coat it.

Call contact a family and they may be able to advise.

Best way to approach social services

I’m so so sorry and sending you huge sympathies - there really is so little support on offer

It sounds really tough OP, I'm sorry things are so hard for you at the moment.

Definitely call them. Anyone in your position would need support. You're only human.

Well done for reaching out, it's hard to do it but will hopefully create some really helpful opportunities for you and your family xx

I had to refer myself to ss for support when I was juggling 2 dc who have SN. There's no shame in it.

Yes you can ask for an assessment as others have said due to disability , although what they can offer in terms of respite etc might be limited depending on your LA .

Thanks all 🌸 there has been barely anything. DS was diagnosed 5 years ago and we were literally signed off everything! He goes to a fab school but there is no support out of school. He behaves so much better at school too (he's 10). I have taken a look on my local authority website and thinking of making a referral to their support hub. Hopefully they will point me in the right direction. It would be nice just to have a chat with someone over the phone.

Do not minimise what is happening. It's much easier for SS and for you if you tell them what the worst day looks like, not the best.

All the best.

Just so you know, one of the turn up and ask for help parents ended up being a great client. She was a good mum who was at the end of her tether. I absolutely loved working with that family. No one will judge. Well, no one that matters.

Do it today OP, and do not change your mind, you need support

No advice, but know it's hard to realise you can't do it all, although most of us need a helping hand at some point - and if needed

yeah you should ring them as they have children with disability and early help teams that can offer support and respite even if its just a few hours to give you a break.

This sounds so tough you really aren’t the bad guy❤️ Definitely call them they can help x

It's so hard. I'm so sorry. Please do call and get help.

You are not the bad guy.

You are def not the bad guy - some great advice above

If you do please emphasise the absolute worst day depending on where you live services are so stretched that you may need to push for support. It shouldn’t be like that but it really is. Can you also go to your GP and push for a referral to a neurodevelopmental camhs service as well. Again it may be luck of the draw but just another idea that is sadly a bit of a postcode lottery.

Do phone up social services and ask for support for your son and a Carer’s assessment for yourself.